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Does he hate me? Is there an ounce of a chance? Watch

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    I have had a crush on my neighbor for a while, and in the winter we started talking. He seemed really interested at first, writing long messages and asking me questions. He invited me over to his house, and took me out, said he enjoyed my company and talked about future dates/doing things together, acted like he was excited about me. On the last night of this, we made out with each other for the first time (it went a little bit far). I was really excited, and in the morning after he'd messaged me, I sent him a flirty good morning text with a kiss emoji (nothing outrageous, but this was the first "flirty" text). He wasn't very flirty back, however. A few days later, he started to become distant. I asked him about it, after he was being distant for about a week, and he said he's just been busy. He also said we should exchange numbers, since before we'd just been communicating on Facebook, and said I should come over on a certain day. When that day came around, he was being distant again. I asked him if we were still meeting and he said "We'll see," and that he has some stuff to do at work. He never messaged me again, so after weeks, I approached him. I was hurt, and wanted to know what happened since he seemed interested before. He said it was nothing I did, he just doesn't want a relationship right now but when he does, if I still want, we can try then. I asked him about the flirty message, and he said it "scared" him. (When considering my experiences with other guys, I would have thought it would have been harmless.) I know at this point I should've just given up, but I asked him if we could start over and take it slow. He told me he was going to think about it, and to give him 3 weeks. (I'm not sure where he came up with that number, but I said okay.) We didn't talk after that until 5 weeks later when he messaged me.

    He told me he hadn't forgotten about me, he was just busy with things going on at work and in his family. He said we should keep in touch more, but after sending 2 messages, he was gone again. I told him I was there if he wanted someone to listen, and later on I told him if he ever changes his mind about what he wants and it's a better time, then I'd still really like a chance.

    3 weeks later, he messaged me again. He said he'd been meaning to do it sooner, but again had been busy. He told me not to worry about chances, he just doesn't know what he wants, but that we can hang out and maybe it will help him figure it out one day. At the end of the message, he again said not to worry about chances, because I would "always" have a chance with him. So I said when he's ready, we can pick a day to hang out. The next day, he invited me over.

    He told me to prepare for what he was going to tell me. First, he started by talking about how his dad was emotionally abusive growing up, and his parents never spoke to each other even though they were married. He said when we'd first started talking, his mom had started to call him and talk about the problems that were getting worse, and he was worried about it. He also told me that there was a lot going on at work that was stressing him out, and by the end of it, was crying in my arms. He said that these were the reasons why he can't have a relationship right now, and there would be weeks where he wouldn't be able to do anything, but he wanted to hang out. He also apologized for how he acted before. He told me he really likes me, and wants me to "stick around" and "be a constant." As we were cuddling, he told me to "not run off." He told me how amazing, beautiful, and "precious" I was, and that it felt so good to be held by me. Eventually, the cuddling led to sex, after which, he again told me to not leave, and to "be a constant." I told him I wanted him to be a constant too, and he said that he was going to try and be as "constant" as he can be. We talked some more, and somehow got on the subject of his ex-girlfriend. I thought it was a little odd, but shrugged it off. He also said he'd like me to spend the night, but I couldn't. He invited me to come over the next day.

    The next morning, he messaged me first and we talked all throughout the day, but at night he said he was sick and we'd have to hang out another night. The next day, he said we should hang out Friday afternoon. We messaged each other all throughout the week, but on Friday evening, he hadn't said anything about hanging out, so I just asked. He said he was doing stuff with his family from out of town, but I could come over after. At night, he invited me over, and we cuddled again, and he talked about taking me on a date. We also had sex again, and there was a lot of chemistry. After, we cuddled, kissed, and talked. He said how much he liked sleeping in his sheets that smelled like me all week, but then he got on the subject of talking about his ex girlfriend again. Later on, the conversation faded and I fell asleep. He woke me up, and told me he has to get up early, but he wants me to come over Sunday.

    When I got home, he texted me goodnight. I said sorry for falling asleep, and that I hope he has a goodnight, but the next day he was distant. I knew he was spending time with his family, so I wanted to give him space and not bother him. But on Sunday, he was distant again, and so I texted him instead of messaging him on Facebook since he hadn't been on in a while, and hadn't replied to my last message. I invited him to come over to this little get-together my family was having, and asked if we were still on for later. He told me he couldn't come to my house, because he was doing stuff with his family during the daytime, and he said "We'll see" about later, because he was sick again. I told him to let me know, but he never got back to me and it made me wonder if I did something wrong since he went from being really hot to cold in the matter of a few days. So I texted him and asked him if he could just tell me if he still felt the same way about me as he did a few days ago, and said something like "Haha you know I'm a worry wart." Because he used to tease me about being a "worry wart," so I thought it was a lighthearted thing to say. He didn't text me again, but he was on Facebook. I wanted to give him space, but I also wanted to know if he's changed his mind. In the morning I texted him good morning and that I hope he has a great day at work, which I regret...

    15 minutes later, he sent me a long Facebook message saying that he DOES like me, but I always forget he doesn't want a relationship right now, that he'll go weeks without wanting to talk to anyone, doesn't want to have to respond constantly to someone, wants to come and go as he pleases, doesn't want to have to report to anyone, that he talks to me on Facebook and not text because he doesn't like instant contact, that my constant need of approval is too much, and ended it saying he's just in his own world "right now." So a day later, I sent him a Facebook message saying I was sorry for being the way I was, and if he ever wants to talk again I'll be here. He never opened it, so I gave it 2 weeks then sent him one last text message, saying I'm sorry and he never needs to feel like he has to talk to me, but again I'm here if he needs. I told him I didn't expect a response.

    Now it's been 2 months since he messaged me, and I still think about him a lot, because I really really like him. I know I seriously need to move on, and there's really nothing I can do besides keep living my own life and leave him alone. But I just want to know what you guys think? Did he actually ever like me? Does he hate me now? Does he have a fear of commitment due to his past? *There was also a girl he was planning on moving to another state to be with, but she stood him up.* Is it something else? Could he ever possibly come back to me after he has time and space to work things out in his own life? Is there an ounce of hope? I'm pretty certain at this point there's no other girl he's with, and I'm the only one he's been with since his ex over a year ago. He keeps to himself and doesn't go out...Anyways, sorry for the long post. I appreciate your responses.
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    Tldr, but whatever is going on I'm going to take a wild punt that you're overthinking it.
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    I read aspects of your post, it is pretty long...

    But I got the impression that he is emotionally unstable and is using you for sex (not deliberately), he might like you (as in find you attractive) and probably enjoys your company but just doesn't have the guts to man up and be a proper boyfriend/have a relationship. Do you really want this? I mean a guy should be stable and it is him that should be giving you hugs when your down, it is the other way round here.

    I personally think you should leave him and find someone better (or remain single for the time being), maybe you could go back to him once he's matured some more. I know to some people I may sound too tough, but if he's already got a lot of emotional trauma around him he is not in a position to be in a relationship. It is that simple.

    Of course if you enjoy his company/intimacy then you can always stay with him but don't expect things to change in the short term.
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    He does like you hun; he doesn't hate you. What I could sense from this is that he is afraid of commitment. He clearly does like you a lot which is why he wanted you to be a 'constant' in his life. He also needs his own time which is why he obviously isn't always messaging you. As you've said before he's had a lot going on regarding the situation with his family. The reason why he's being distant is because he's trying to figure out his own thoughts. As you said he's working, he's got his family etc so he's got a lot on his mind; he's under stress. You are also on his mind too. He's clearly trying to deal with everything in his own way and taking a break from everything and being in his 'own world' is an indication that he's trying to come round with the circumstances. It's been 2 months since he messaged you right? He obviously no doubt must be busy with stuff like work and family. What it seems like to me is that he really is into you so don't ever think that there's a third party involved in your relationship with him because I very much doubt that is even a concern; there is no other person. Eventually he'll come round and speak to you again. You'll just have to be patient and give him time. He obviously isn't ready for a relationship and is running from commitment. He's definitely afraid of it which is also why he may be so distant with you. He will talk to you once he feels like he can. You mentioned that he's your neighbour right? D'you often see him around? He needs his time to contemplate on this matter. Give him time. And don't think that he hates you because I very much doubt that that is even the case.


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    Hope it helped you somehow.. X
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    (Original post by Halzy1234)
    He does like you hun; he doesn't hate you. What I could sense from this is that he is afraid of commitment. He clearly does like you a lot which is why he wanted you to be a 'constant' in his life. He also needs his own time which is why he obviously isn't always messaging you. As you've said before he's had a lot going on regarding the situation with his family. The reason why he's being distant is because he's trying to figure out his own thoughts. As you said he's working, he's got his family etc so he's got a lot on his mind; he's under stress. You are also on his mind too. He's clearly trying to deal with everything in his own way and taking a break from everything and being in his 'own world' is an indication that he's trying to come round with the circumstances. It's been 2 months since he messaged you right? He obviously no doubt must be busy with stuff like work and family. What it seems like to me is that he really is into you so don't ever think that there's a third party involved in your relationship with him because I very much doubt that is even a concern; there is no other person. Eventually he'll come round and speak to you again. You'll just have to be patient and give him time. He obviously isn't ready for a relationship and is running from commitment. He's definitely afraid of it which is also why he may be so distant with you. He will talk to you once he feels like he can. You mentioned that he's your neighbour right? D'you often see him around? He needs his time to contemplate on this matter. Give him time. And don't think that he hates you because I very much doubt that that is even the case.


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    Thanks so much for reading my post, I appreciate it. Your thoughts and advice are helpful, and I am just going to give him time, like you say. I've never felt this way about a guy before.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I read aspects of your post, it is pretty long...

    But I got the impression that he is emotionally unstable and is using you for sex (not deliberately), he might like you (as in find you attractive) and probably enjoys your company but just doesn't have the guts to man up and be a proper boyfriend/have a relationship. Do you really want this? I mean a guy should be stable and it is him that should be giving you hugs when your down, it is the other way round here.

    I personally think you should leave him and find someone better (or remain single for the time being), maybe you could go back to him once he's matured some more. I know to some people I may sound too tough, but if he's already got a lot of emotional trauma around him he is not in a position to be in a relationship. It is that simple.

    Of course if you enjoy his company/intimacy then you can always stay with him but don't expect things to change in the short term.
    Thanks for reading my post. I appreciate it, and the thoughts you provided.
 
 
 
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