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What to tell parents?
For various reasons, last term I found myself for the first time in my life both single, and living away from my parents. In short, I've been enjoying an unprecedented amount of freedom.
Thing is, come the end of term, I have a lover (not sure about the choice of word there, 'friend with benefits' might come closer to the truth but it takes ages to type) 15 years my elder as well as several more casual encounters with other guys, with whom I enjoy taking part in bondage and sado-masochism. So, all in all, I've had a pleasant and interesting time. But now, I'm back at home living with my parents for the holidays. After doing what the hell I like when at college, I rather resent suddenly being asked where I'm going and with whom. And I don't think they'd like the real answers either. But I really hate lying, as well as being very unconvincing when I do.
Last weekend when I went back to the town where I'm at college to stay with my lover, I ended up saying I was going to a sleepover at my friend's house instead. I hate living this double life, but I couldn't bring myself to tell even a half truth, as my mother is quite nosy, and if she asked the wrong questions I'd have no choice but to reveal everything.
I understand that my parents are just concerned about me, but I also really don't think they need (or want) to know about my sex life. I mean, I'm 19 and thus an independent adult and whatever.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to a fetish event with a friend, which is some way from my hometown, so would entail a night away from home. I'd also prefer to see my lover more often than has been possible in the current situation. I'm beginning to run out of alibis, but I don't have the courage to tell the truth ("Yes, I do sleep around, to an extent, including with an older man. Yes, I am a pervert, in that I am fond of BDSM. And yes it is all entirely my own choice and of my own free will."). Advice, please? Anyone?
Thing is, come the end of term, I have a lover (not sure about the choice of word there, 'friend with benefits' might come closer to the truth but it takes ages to type) 15 years my elder as well as several more casual encounters with other guys, with whom I enjoy taking part in bondage and sado-masochism. So, all in all, I've had a pleasant and interesting time. But now, I'm back at home living with my parents for the holidays. After doing what the hell I like when at college, I rather resent suddenly being asked where I'm going and with whom. And I don't think they'd like the real answers either. But I really hate lying, as well as being very unconvincing when I do.
Last weekend when I went back to the town where I'm at college to stay with my lover, I ended up saying I was going to a sleepover at my friend's house instead. I hate living this double life, but I couldn't bring myself to tell even a half truth, as my mother is quite nosy, and if she asked the wrong questions I'd have no choice but to reveal everything.
I understand that my parents are just concerned about me, but I also really don't think they need (or want) to know about my sex life. I mean, I'm 19 and thus an independent adult and whatever.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to a fetish event with a friend, which is some way from my hometown, so would entail a night away from home. I'd also prefer to see my lover more often than has been possible in the current situation. I'm beginning to run out of alibis, but I don't have the courage to tell the truth ("Yes, I do sleep around, to an extent, including with an older man. Yes, I am a pervert, in that I am fond of BDSM. And yes it is all entirely my own choice and of my own free will."). Advice, please? Anyone?
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Wow, 6 hours and no one's replied to this.
Erm... well, first point, you might be 19 but that doesn't make you an independent adult. Far from it, you're living with your parents. They're taking a healthy interest in their child's life... they're probably not concerned, just interested. However, if you don't want to tell them, don't tell them. Why are you so open in telling a group of strangers that you don't want your mum to be invasive of your privacy, and yet so reluctant to say to her "mum, I'd actually prefer it if you didn't always ask me where I was going"? I'm quite sure your mum doesn't want to know about your fetishes either, she's probably interested in a bit of girly gossip (I assume you're female?) about one of your friends or something. Don't be forceful about it, just tell her it makes you slightly uncomfortable.
Erm... well, first point, you might be 19 but that doesn't make you an independent adult. Far from it, you're living with your parents. They're taking a healthy interest in their child's life... they're probably not concerned, just interested. However, if you don't want to tell them, don't tell them. Why are you so open in telling a group of strangers that you don't want your mum to be invasive of your privacy, and yet so reluctant to say to her "mum, I'd actually prefer it if you didn't always ask me where I was going"? I'm quite sure your mum doesn't want to know about your fetishes either, she's probably interested in a bit of girly gossip (I assume you're female?) about one of your friends or something. Don't be forceful about it, just tell her it makes you slightly uncomfortable.
It's a very difficult one. You could just start being vague in your answers, but that may get them to start being suspicious. The only real way to solve the situation is to move out entirely, but that probably isn't an option, by the sounds of things.
You could sit down and have a talk, saying that they're annoying you by continually asking where you're going and with who. If they're anything like most peoples parents, they'll make an effort to stop, and probably haven't realised that they're doing it.
You could sit down and have a talk, saying that they're annoying you by continually asking where you're going and with who. If they're anything like most peoples parents, they'll make an effort to stop, and probably haven't realised that they're doing it.
Move out, seriously. There's no decent reason to stay at home ever. I moved out, I sodding hate living at home.
generalebriety
Why are you so open in telling a group of strangers that you don't want your mum to be invasive of your privacy, and yet so reluctant to say to her "mum, I'd actually prefer it if you didn't always ask me where I was going"?
the power of 'anonymous'..
and she doesn't really need to move out, she's only there for holidays! how long are the holidays? i guess just try to cope with it or shorten your holiday and go back? i really hate lying to my parents too, and try to avoid it at all costs..however, sometimes little lies are necessary *shrug*
mmm a predicament indeed, however i think you shouldnt be to hastey, firstly there is defintley no point in telling your mother the entire truth as im sure (as im sure you are) that this would upset her, however bare in mind you are only at home for the holidays. I can see how you dont want to lie to your mother and thats understandable however im sure saying you are going to see a 'friend' you met at college would be an acceptable answer, and like someone already said if its not then sit down and have a talk to them as you are 19 now (hence you should have the responsibility to make most of your descions) However just bare in mind that your are still living under there roof and in the end im sure they are only trying to take an interest in there 'little' girls life (they might not be away they are being over protective etc...) so theres not point in upsetting them over something that could prove trivial
Good luck and let us know how you get on
P.S Fetish weekend sounds exciting :P
Good luck and let us know how you get on
P.S Fetish weekend sounds exciting :P
generalebriety
"Erm... well, first point, you might be 19 but that doesn't make you an independent adult. Far from it,"
Bull****, of course you are independant, its you life to live as you choose. My parents can be very nosy about what I do and theyre very judgemental when I do tell them. We went through this period when I decided to stand up to them where everything I did seemed to make the atmosphere very strained because I didnt want to tell them what I was doing.
however I solved the problem by just being short with them e.g. "where are you going?"
"out"
"what are you giong to do?"
"dont know find out when it happens"
Im not implying you should be rude, just short and concise, it may eventually be neccasary to tell them politley that what you are doing does not concern them or that it concerns someone elses trust that you are unwilling to break (which may be a lie but it breaks off the qeustions).
I now come and go as I please without dispute but when asked I am honest but concise and vague yet always polite.
As to the whole "double life" situation I am not best to comment but it seems inevitable unless you are 100% open and honest. Which i apreciate is not always possible.
I'd keep lying. I can't imagine many parents understanding the appeal of the fetish world (unless they were swingers, lol) and they'd probably think it was some kind of dangerous world of crazy and seek to stop you participating.
If you tell them you're going to visit friends you've made while at uni, that's not even lying. Just keep it to yourself or you'd be opening such a huge can of worms, no way would it be a positive thing.
(Where's this event? I wanna go!)
If you tell them you're going to visit friends you've made while at uni, that's not even lying. Just keep it to yourself or you'd be opening such a huge can of worms, no way would it be a positive thing.
(Where's this event? I wanna go!)
Cant you just say you're going back to where you go to college to see *males name* you dont have to tell them hes your boyfriend but thats what they'll suspect and its probably easier that way.
Or is there a problem with you having a boyfriend?
I have to admit i never had any problems living at home but as soon as i moved out for uni last september i knew i'd never go back, am spending this summer in my Uni town with a great job and my best mates.
Or is there a problem with you having a boyfriend?
I have to admit i never had any problems living at home but as soon as i moved out for uni last september i knew i'd never go back, am spending this summer in my Uni town with a great job and my best mates.
Tough predicament, but the implications of you lying aren't as bad as the implications of your parents finding out about your SandM etc. Just have a think about it and weigh up what you think's more damaging.
Thanks for the replies, I at least feel less guilty about lying now 
. I might try the 'unspecified friend from college' one a go...
The fetish event in question is on the Isle of Wight, which appears to be a hotbed of depravity these days.
. I might try the 'unspecified friend from college' one a go...The fetish event in question is on the Isle of Wight, which appears to be a hotbed of depravity these days.
Zoecb
He's not her boyfriend. And if she told them he was, they might want to meet him. Which obviously can't happen.
I know hes not her boyfriend but that way atleast shes not completely lying to her parents.
Just because they might want to meet him doesnt mean she has to bring him round, its a huge step meeting the family and she could just say shes not ready to bring him round yet. My mum would never suggest that i brought a boyfriend round for her to meet, she knows that i'll do it when i'm ready to!
L0RA
I know hes not her boyfriend but that way atleast shes not completely lying to her parents.
I've thought about doing this, in fact I still might. My mum, though, is bound to ask a lot of questions if I say I have a boyfriend. She's only doing the girly gossip thing, I suppose, but the questions still need to be dealt with somehow. Also I'm not sure how this would affect the reaction to my seeing other men...
If she moves in with him and they are not boyfriend and girlfriend, what she going to do if he drops her.
I meant when he gets bored he will just say I don't want you anymore because thats what guys do when they just want casual.
Anonymous
For various reasons, last term I found myself for the first time in my life both single, and living away from my parents. In short, I've been enjoying an unprecedented amount of freedom.
Thing is, come the end of term, I have a lover (not sure about the choice of word there, 'friend with benefits' might come closer to the truth but it takes ages to type) 15 years my elder as well as several more casual encounters with other guys, with whom I enjoy taking part in bondage and sado-masochism. So, all in all, I've had a pleasant and interesting time. But now, I'm back at home living with my parents for the holidays. After doing what the hell I like when at college, I rather resent suddenly being asked where I'm going and with whom. And I don't think they'd like the real answers either. But I really hate lying, as well as being very unconvincing when I do.
Last weekend when I went back to the town where I'm at college to stay with my lover, I ended up saying I was going to a sleepover at my friend's house instead. I hate living this double life, but I couldn't bring myself to tell even a half truth, as my mother is quite nosy, and if she asked the wrong questions I'd have no choice but to reveal everything.
I understand that my parents are just concerned about me, but I also really don't think they need (or want) to know about my sex life. I mean, I'm 19 and thus an independent adult and whatever.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to a fetish event with a friend, which is some way from my hometown, so would entail a night away from home. I'd also prefer to see my lover more often than has been possible in the current situation. I'm beginning to run out of alibis, but I don't have the courage to tell the truth ("Yes, I do sleep around, to an extent, including with an older man. Yes, I am a pervert, in that I am fond of BDSM. And yes it is all entirely my own choice and of my own free will."). Advice, please? Anyone?
Thing is, come the end of term, I have a lover (not sure about the choice of word there, 'friend with benefits' might come closer to the truth but it takes ages to type) 15 years my elder as well as several more casual encounters with other guys, with whom I enjoy taking part in bondage and sado-masochism. So, all in all, I've had a pleasant and interesting time. But now, I'm back at home living with my parents for the holidays. After doing what the hell I like when at college, I rather resent suddenly being asked where I'm going and with whom. And I don't think they'd like the real answers either. But I really hate lying, as well as being very unconvincing when I do.
Last weekend when I went back to the town where I'm at college to stay with my lover, I ended up saying I was going to a sleepover at my friend's house instead. I hate living this double life, but I couldn't bring myself to tell even a half truth, as my mother is quite nosy, and if she asked the wrong questions I'd have no choice but to reveal everything.
I understand that my parents are just concerned about me, but I also really don't think they need (or want) to know about my sex life. I mean, I'm 19 and thus an independent adult and whatever.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to a fetish event with a friend, which is some way from my hometown, so would entail a night away from home. I'd also prefer to see my lover more often than has been possible in the current situation. I'm beginning to run out of alibis, but I don't have the courage to tell the truth ("Yes, I do sleep around, to an extent, including with an older man. Yes, I am a pervert, in that I am fond of BDSM. And yes it is all entirely my own choice and of my own free will."). Advice, please? Anyone?
Your parents do NOT need to know about your sex life, and to an extent all young adults lead a double life, it is restricting being back at home yes, but that is just life. I would NOT tell your folks about your sex/love life. Just say that you are going out with friends/ going to a party etc. there is really NO NEED whatsoever to tell them you are into BDSM etc.
you forgot to check the anon box.
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