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Is it wrong of me to be so upset over this?

Basically my best friend's wedding is in a couple of weeks and my boyfriend said he'd definitely come with me because he says it's not nice to go to a wedding alone etc. My friends (the ones who will be there, anyway) and my family were excited about seeing him and everything and I was looking forward to having him there with me......
However he's just text me and said that his band got offered a gig and basically implied that he's going to do that instead. I can understand this because obviously his band is important to him and I want them to do well but I'm just feeling quite upset because it would have one of the only chances I would have had to see him properly this summer and I feel quite let down.

Also there have been other times i've felt a bit let down; I'm a dancer and I had a dance show a couple months ago and he'd never seen me perform so he told me he would come and watch because he 'really wanted to see [me].' Then a couple days before he told me that his friends were planning a night out and that he was going to go to that instead as he hadn't spent much time with them because he'd been seeing other people. I didn't really say much to this but went, performed and then hung out with my friends after etc and just let it be.

I just don't know if I'm being unreasonable for expecting him to put me first sometimes? I've been to see him perform and stuff and would always put supporting him first as it's important to me. I just feel like I'm 'second best' to him though and a bit like a 'back-up option' but at the same time I feel guilty for being upset by things like this because I feel I should want to put his success and happiness first and be happy for him to do the things he wants to do!

Agh. I'm so confused and don't really know what to say to him!

Any advice etc?

Reply 1

username47781

Well stuff like the band is very important, but him cancelling to see you dance is a bit out of order when he promises to come and watch you. Talk to him about it, ask him why he keeps cancelling.

Reply 2

randomgirl

Speak to him. Tell him you were really excited about the wedding etc.

Reply 3

Angrybanana

He could have seen the friends any time. Your dance performance was unchangeable, aswell as the fact that he agreed to that first. Substituting it for a night out with the lads was very bad. Just make it clear that it's about time he put you first as you do the same for him.

Reply 4

inspire~

Do the times clash? It would be nice if he could go to half of the wedding at least and then go do the gig? I think it's fair since I agree with you that he should have gone and seen you dance - he should be interested in things you do like you are him.

Reply 5

Beckysparkle

I donno where the gig is actually but he wouldn't do both anyway. It's weird because I ask him stuff about his band etc because I'm interested but he doesn't really talk about it to me or if he does he says very little. I don't really understand why. I try to get him involved with stuff I do like for example I wrote a short story for a writing magazine but he didn't seem interested in reading it. He just said "Oh I don't really understand this kind of writing" and cast it aside without really looking. This kinda upset me. I know this stuff makes him sound bad, he really is a really sweet guy but it's just this little things that I wish he'd make more effort with. I think I'll just tell him that I was upset that he won't be coming to the wedding but I accept that his band is important etc.

Reply 6

sophisticated

Tell him your point of view, assuming he's not a mind reader, he wont be able to change his ways if you dont tell him when you're upset.

Reply 7

inspire~

Yeah Becky, sometimes my man doesn't seem like he wants to talk or do much with me either, but he's never liked talking much.... he's boring in that way - I love talking :tongue:

I haven't been with mine for long at all so I just put it down to him being a man and we're not deeply serious about our relationship; but I guess if you've been with someone for a while you don't want to put it down to "him being a man" :tongue:

Sorry I can't help you out much in that way, but I really hope that he listens and understands you if you do mention anything to you, he should be proud and encourage you writing for a magazine! - if he doesn't understand what you write he could ask you to explain it you know?

All the best to you x

Reply 8

Beckysparkle

Hehe, yah I love talking too and he never says much but listens to me and tends to take it in, even when it is boring girly stuff, which is nice! I spoke to him about the wedding and he says he's sad that he can't come and spend time with me but he sounded really excited and stoked about his gig so I asked questions and stuff and said it was fine. Still sad that I won't really get to see him, especially after so long apart but it could be worse and hey, maybe someday I'll get an invite to one of these gigs!!!

Reply 9

inspire~

Hey I'm glad you're really positive about it! I think I'd probably be really immature about the whole thing :tongue:

I hope you have a great day at the wedding & it all goes smoothly!

Reply 10

danni_bella

Yeah me too, best of luck! :smile:

Reply 11

Eubacterium

Why should you put him first and he won't do the same for you?

You're right, he doesn't see you as important as hanging out with friends (really lame excuse, he can always do that) or his own career. It isn't just any day he originally agreed to come but a special occusion. It doesn't sound like he really respects you and cares as much he should.