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My parents are adamant on stopping me from going to university Watch

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    Hi all,

    I'm new to this forum so hey! I'm 23 years old and will starting university in North Wales this september.

    Sadly, I didn't get a "well done" or "I'm proud of you" from my mum. Instead, she said "You can't do it, you will struggle because you struggled in college. You will go and waste all your money and will regret it. I don't think you should go." Thanks, *mum*. This has really upset me, I just can't understand why she can't support my decision. She then has the cheek to say "OH IVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED YOU" No, she really hasn't. She's forced me to work rubbish jobs ever since I left college, jobs I would call her up in tears about because I was treated so poorly. I was never offered a hug or support, just a "oh well keep doing it".



    Back to university, my sisters are studying and my mum is totally okay with that, so why does that change when it comes to me? She actually said that I can't do it. I'm a very responsible person and very mature. I'm not an idiot. The only people in my family supporting my decision is my middle sister and my grandmother. I'm just so upset, but I am not backing down. This is my life and this is what I want to do but it's just so upsetting.

    Have any of you ever been in this kind of situation? How did you handle it? What was the outcome?

    Thanks all x



    EDIT: My step father is yet to come home and learn about my plans, and then bash me for it.
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    Is there an actual rationale for your mum's attitude toward this? Does she actually have the idea that you are not as smart as your sisters?

    Is it that she generally favours them in other areas?

    You're right - it is your life, and you kind of should make your own decisions, but it is a super high risk strategy going to uni without support.
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Is there an actual rationale for your mum's attitude toward this? Does she actually have the idea that you are not as smart as your sisters?

    Is it that she generally favours them in other areas?

    You're right - it is your life, and you kind of should make your own decisions, but it is a super high risk strategy going to uni without support.
    Hi, yes she does. I did not do as well as they did in college. She also favours them and everything they do. It's always been different with me. I have many good and loyal friends, my grandmother and my boyfriend who pledged to support me no matter what.
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    Take control of your own life. U dont want reach old age wondering what could have happened if had stood up to your parents. Dont let other people decide what you can or can't do that up for you to decide for yourself


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    It sounds pretty horrible. There's no excuse to belittle someone like that. I don't know why your family is so unsupportive. It's very strange thet they support your sisters but not you. It's sad because you should be celebrating.
    Would you family help you with moving to uni? Do you have a car? In case they don't help you with moving
    If you can't convince them and get them on your side then you might have to go lone wolf on this one.
    You've got to be strong. You can do it on your own. I believe that you can do it. It might not be easy. It might not always be fun either. It might feel lonely at first but you'll make friends at uni who can help you out

    I think you should definitely contact your uni's support team and explain the situation, they might be able to help you out and give you advice. It's not often that a family is unsupportive but they should be able to give you the help and support you need.
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    (Original post by ThatWriter)
    Hi, yes she does. I did not do as well as they did in college. She also favours them and everything they do. It's always been different with me. I have many good and loyal friends, my grandmother and my boyfriend who pledged to support me no matter what.
    Ok. Well good luck to you.

    What I would say is - don't get too carried away with a lot of people on forums giving it the Oprah Winfrey "You go girl". It's not as simple as that. You're relatively young and basically about to have a major confrontation with your parents that might never end. I'm not saying you're not right, but just bear that in mind. I would say no matter what, try to stay calm and don't fight with them - just tell them you're living your own life and even if it goes wrong, you got to make your own mistakes, rather than never knowing.

    In general - pardon me for asking - but is there any sense in which your mum might be right? Are you a bit of a ropey student, academics wise? What are you going to be reading at university, and is there a plan afterwards?

    Parents sometimes have favourites and there's nothing you can do about that. My brother can basically do no wrong and has been the Prodigal Son on several occasions.
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    Tell her to do one lmao.
    --
    My mum did not support my decision to go back to college, and that was understandable as I pissed about a lot the first time I went. But in spite of that I went back and (hopefully) did very well, a lot better than before.

    Though she definitely still doesn't have confidence or faith in me and I know she thinks I'll probably **** up university as well, but at the end of the day it is my own life and you just have to move forwards regardless of how little faith people have in you.
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    They're right, you're just pretending not to be unemployed. Get a job.
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    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Ok. Well good luck to you.

    What I would say is - don't get too carried away with a lot of people on forums giving it the Oprah Winfrey "You go girl". It's not as simple as that. You're relatively young and basically about to have a major confrontation with your parents that might never end. I'm not saying you're not right, but just bear that in mind. I would say no matter what, try to stay calm and don't fight with them - just tell them you're living your own life and even if it goes wrong, you got to make your own mistakes, rather than never knowing.

    In general - pardon me for asking - but is there any sense in which your mum might be right? Are you a bit of a ropey student, academics wise? What are you going to be reading at university, and is there a plan afterwards?

    Parents sometimes have favourites and there's nothing you can do about that. My brother can basically do no wrong and has been the Prodigal Son on several occasions.
    Thank you. Of course, I fully understand what this will mean. I will be living on campus, money will be tight. I have every intention on seeing this out and getting a better future for myself.

    Academics wise, if I put my mind to it then I am a rather good student. I did piss about in college a bit which is probably why she is a bit worried. I have grown up a lot since then. I hate to tell people, but I also have Asperger's. I've always felt that she has used this to stop me from going through with what I want to do. I remember I wanted to go a different college at some point and she pretty much "No you can't do that because you have Asperger's".
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    UPDATE; My step father came home, but wow I wasn't expecting that. He gave me a big hug and a kiss and told me to follow my dreams and that he would support me every step of the way. I needed just that, I feel so relieved that I have him supporting me with this. It's just what I needed. Thank you everyone for your support.
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    Good man


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    it is possible your mum is genuinely trying to help e.g. thinks you won't cope due to your aspergers, thinks you don't manage money well or thinks you aren't academically able enough for university but it's still not a nice thing to say someone, I'm glad other people have been more supportive

    you should make your own choices anyway, you will only regret it and resent her if you don't
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    Are you the youngest child? If so she might be deep down have empty nest syndrome.

    It's really difficult when parents are unsupportive however I think University is the best thing you can do in this situation. You'll be free from her negativity and i bet you won't struggle as much once the stress of everyone else and miserable jobs is gone what you are experiencing isn't nice but let it motivate you to enjoy your university experience to the max
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    (Original post by ThatWriter)
    Hi all,

    I'm new to this forum so hey! I'm 23 years old and will starting university in North Wales this september.

    Sadly, I didn't get a "well done" or "I'm proud of you" from my mum. Instead, she said "You can't do it, you will struggle because you struggled in college. You will go and waste all your money and will regret it. I don't think you should go." Thanks, *mum*. This has really upset me, I just can't understand why she can't support my decision. She then has the cheek to say "OH IVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED YOU" No, she really hasn't. She's forced me to work rubbish jobs ever since I left college, jobs I would call her up in tears about because I was treated so poorly. I was never offered a hug or support, just a "oh well keep doing it".



    Back to university, my sisters are studying and my mum is totally okay with that, so why does that change when it comes to me? She actually said that I can't do it. I'm a very responsible person and very mature. I'm not an idiot. The only people in my family supporting my decision is my middle sister and my grandmother. I'm just so upset, but I am not backing down. This is my life and this is what I want to do but it's just so upsetting.

    Have any of you ever been in this kind of situation? How did you handle it? What was the outcome?

    Thanks all x

    EDIT: My step father is yet to come home and learn about my plans, and then bash me for it.
    That's such a upsetting and stressful situation for you to be dealing with. May I ask what you are wishing to study? Perhaps they don't want you to struggle and suffer with stress etc? However if you truly believe that it is your way forward and you have a strong passion for the subject, go forward and you do what you want to do!Then at the end when you achieve your dreams you can prove them wrong Good luck!xx
 
 
 
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