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Major Family Drama - Feeling depressed & unable to move forward with my life Watch

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    Hi student roomers

    I try not to post all my problems on forums, but am in desperate need to vent and I'm feeling very down about a lot of things.

    Advance warning: This post will be insanely long.

    So... where to start?

    A few months ago, I lost my Grandad who I loved very dearly. Around Christmas he had a fall which caused a bleed on his brain resulting in him developing a bad form of dementia. It was heart breaking to watch him get worse- at times it seemed he wasn't even aware I was there or didn't know who I or anyone else in my family was. He was in and out of hospital who kept discharging him despite being in a poor state (often he would be sent back to hospital within a few hours of being home, which naturally confused him even more). Eventually he went into a care home where he was neglected. When he passed away, he weighed only 5 1/2 stone, had a broken collar bone and broken vertabrae in his neck.

    After he died, my Nanna (his wife of nearly 61 years) then developed a mix of dementia and alziemhers disease herself. This resulted in her requiring a lot of care so my Mum and my Uncle organised a care plan in which each week they'd stay round my Nannas home to look after her. Unfortunately, my Mum and Uncle had a massive disagreement (what happened I'm still unclear of) and my Uncle refused to care for my Nanna anymore so my Mum, for at least the past 3 months, has been staying round my Nannas to take her to appointments, make sure she is eating and sleep over every night should anything happen (which thankfully it hasn't).

    I've been trying to get on with life but I still miss my Grandad a whole lot- I still have days where I feel completely empty or the opposite where every emotion hits me at once. I also feel obligated to help care for my Nanna in order to give my Mum a break. Because of this, I'm reluctant to take on full time work, or work that isn't local because I don't want to abandon my family because we've all lost so much but at the same time, I'm watching lots of fantastic opportunities slip through my fingers.

    Up until recent, I was a college student but finished my course. College was the one place I could escape to- the staff all knew of my issues at home and were always available for a chat and often let me help out with open days and even organising stuff around campus to help keep me busy and take my mind off everything. Also, college was the one place I felt confident being myself and everyone there had faith in me and helped me realise I was capable of a lot more than I thought I ever could be.

    Now I've graduated, I've lost my little haven of happiness. I was helping out over summer but they've run out of things for me to help with and if not enough staff are in, I can't go in anyway.

    I do have friends, good friends, but they have their own lives- a lot have got jobs and university to prepare for and I feel like such a burden when I message them about my problems that I now pretend things are better than they are but this is just making me feel worse. I've been trying to find a counselling service but most are too expensive as I'm freelance for only one company so I don't earn a lot of money.

    I need someone outside of the family who I can just spill all my thoughts and worries out to without feeling a burden or like I'm betraying people.

    If anyone has any advice, please help. I'm really down and I don't like where my life feels like its heading... nowhere.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi student roomers

    I try not to post all my problems on forums, but am in desperate need to vent and I'm feeling very down about a lot of things.

    Advance warning: This post will be insanely long.

    So... where to start?

    A few months ago, I lost my Grandad who I loved very dearly. Around Christmas he had a fall which caused a bleed on his brain resulting in him developing a bad form of dementia. It was heart breaking to watch him get worse- at times it seemed he wasn't even aware I was there or didn't know who I or anyone else in my family was. He was in and out of hospital who kept discharging him despite being in a poor state (often he would be sent back to hospital within a few hours of being home, which naturally confused him even more). Eventually he went into a care home where he was neglected. When he passed away, he weighed only 5 1/2 stone, had a broken collar bone and broken vertabrae in his neck.

    After he died, my Nanna (his wife of nearly 61 years) then developed a mix of dementia and alziemhers disease herself. This resulted in her requiring a lot of care so my Mum and my Uncle organised a care plan in which each week they'd stay round my Nannas home to look after her. Unfortunately, my Mum and Uncle had a massive disagreement (what happened I'm still unclear of) and my Uncle refused to care for my Nanna anymore so my Mum, for at least the past 3 months, has been staying round my Nannas to take her to appointments, make sure she is eating and sleep over every night should anything happen (which thankfully it hasn't).

    I've been trying to get on with life but I still miss my Grandad a whole lot- I still have days where I feel completely empty or the opposite where every emotion hits me at once. I also feel obligated to help care for my Nanna in order to give my Mum a break. Because of this, I'm reluctant to take on full time work, or work that isn't local because I don't want to abandon my family because we've all lost so much but at the same time, I'm watching lots of fantastic opportunities slip through my fingers.

    Up until recent, I was a college student but finished my course. College was the one place I could escape to- the staff all knew of my issues at home and were always available for a chat and often let me help out with open days and even organising stuff around campus to help keep me busy and take my mind off everything. Also, college was the one place I felt confident being myself and everyone there had faith in me and helped me realise I was capable of a lot more than I thought I ever could be.

    Now I've graduated, I've lost my little haven of happiness. I was helping out over summer but they've run out of things for me to help with and if not enough staff are in, I can't go in anyway.

    I do have friends, good friends, but they have their own lives- a lot have got jobs and university to prepare for and I feel like such a burden when I message them about my problems that I now pretend things are better than they are but this is just making me feel worse. I've been trying to find a counselling service but most are too expensive as I'm freelance for only one company so I don't earn a lot of money.

    I need someone outside of the family who I can just spill all my thoughts and worries out to without feeling a burden or like I'm betraying people.

    If anyone has any advice, please help. I'm really down and I don't like where my life feels like its heading... nowhere.
    I'm really sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Does anyone get carers allowance for your grandmother? You may want to talk to CAB and see if they can advise you on what she and your family may be able to get benefits wise. Maybe you could see a counsellor on the NHS. Try speaking to your GP about it. As hard as it is, remember that you can't just 'cancel' your life. At some point you are going to have to think of yourself and do what is best for you as well. I hope everything gets better soon!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi student roomers

    I try not to post all my problems on forums, but am in desperate need to vent and I'm feeling very down about a lot of things.

    Advance warning: This post will be insanely long.

    So... where to start?

    A few months ago, I lost my Grandad who I loved very dearly. Around Christmas he had a fall which caused a bleed on his brain resulting in him developing a bad form of dementia. It was heart breaking to watch him get worse- at times it seemed he wasn't even aware I was there or didn't know who I or anyone else in my family was. He was in and out of hospital who kept discharging him despite being in a poor state (often he would be sent back to hospital within a few hours of being home, which naturally confused him even more). Eventually he went into a care home where he was neglected. When he passed away, he weighed only 5 1/2 stone, had a broken collar bone and broken vertabrae in his neck.

    After he died, my Nanna (his wife of nearly 61 years) then developed a mix of dementia and alziemhers disease herself. This resulted in her requiring a lot of care so my Mum and my Uncle organised a care plan in which each week they'd stay round my Nannas home to look after her. Unfortunately, my Mum and Uncle had a massive disagreement (what happened I'm still unclear of) and my Uncle refused to care for my Nanna anymore so my Mum, for at least the past 3 months, has been staying round my Nannas to take her to appointments, make sure she is eating and sleep over every night should anything happen (which thankfully it hasn't).

    I've been trying to get on with life but I still miss my Grandad a whole lot- I still have days where I feel completely empty or the opposite where every emotion hits me at once. I also feel obligated to help care for my Nanna in order to give my Mum a break. Because of this, I'm reluctant to take on full time work, or work that isn't local because I don't want to abandon my family because we've all lost so much but at the same time, I'm watching lots of fantastic opportunities slip through my fingers.

    Up until recent, I was a college student but finished my course. College was the one place I could escape to- the staff all knew of my issues at home and were always available for a chat and often let me help out with open days and even organising stuff around campus to help keep me busy and take my mind off everything. Also, college was the one place I felt confident being myself and everyone there had faith in me and helped me realise I was capable of a lot more than I thought I ever could be.

    Now I've graduated, I've lost my little haven of happiness. I was helping out over summer but they've run out of things for me to help with and if not enough staff are in, I can't go in anyway.

    I do have friends, good friends, but they have their own lives- a lot have got jobs and university to prepare for and I feel like such a burden when I message them about my problems that I now pretend things are better than they are but this is just making me feel worse. I've been trying to find a counselling service but most are too expensive as I'm freelance for only one company so I don't earn a lot of money.

    I need someone outside of the family who I can just spill all my thoughts and worries out to without feeling a burden or like I'm betraying people.

    If anyone has any advice, please help. I'm really down and I don't like where my life feels like its heading... nowhere.
    I'm a guy if you want to message me feel free (not sure if you prefer a female)

    Is it not possible to have your nan move in with your mum? Saves all the staying over etc. Ask your mum if it's an option?

    Do you have siblings? You've not mentioned it. What part time jobs have you applied for? If any?

    Volunteer work is also good for the CV if you try to get that, which you're not tied down to if required by your mother. Awful how your Granpa was neglected at that home, did your family enquire how he recieved those injuries? Sounds suspicious

    http://www.youngcarer.com/

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    I'm really sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Does anyone get carers allowance for your grandmother? You may want to talk to CAB and see if they can advise you on what she and your family may be able to get benefits wise. Maybe you could see a counsellor on the NHS. Try speaking to your GP about it. As hard as it is, remember that you can't just 'cancel' your life. At some point you are going to have to think of yourself and do what is best for you as well. I hope everything gets better soon!
    Thanks. I haven't been on tsr in a few months so only just seen your response. Things with my family aren't any better unfortunately however I have managed to do some volunteering and have been applying for local jobs now so things are a little less depressing now
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    Your GP can refer you to a counsellor for free on the NHS. It helps talking to a counsellor because it really improves your relationship with friends and those around you, since you're not burdening them with your issues anymore and have a place to vent and think about things.
    I lost my dad and just spent 8 months at home helping my mum to recover while not working on uni or a social life for myself, so I know how it can feel when you have problems at home that feel like they're tying you down. I think financially it would probably be easier for your mum if you did go get a job and start contributing so that it's easier for her to stay at home doing the carer work. Also though you should definitely look into making sure your mum is still being social and not starting to isolate herself at home with her caring duties e.g you can go to work and then take over from her when you come home and encourage her to go out and do something. When your mum starts to feel less stressed out, so will you. I found that I couldn't work on myself or making myself feel better until I had helped my mum first, because it just constantly felt like there was a huge burden on my shoulder and I couldn't move on with my own life until I worked out how to fix this first problem. Counselling will also only take up maybe an hour a week of your time and even without a social life or friends to talk to I find that it does help me to feel better, even if for only a few days at a time.

    I hope this all makes sense, feel free to PM me if you need anything else.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    I'm a guy if you want to message me feel free (not sure if you prefer a female)

    Is it not possible to have your nan move in with your mum? Saves all the staying over etc. Ask your mum if it's an option?

    Do you have siblings? You've not mentioned it. What part time jobs have you applied for? If any?

    Volunteer work is also good for the CV if you try to get that, which you're not tied down to if required by your mother. Awful how your Granpa was neglected at that home, did your family enquire how he recieved those injuries? Sounds suspicious

    http://www.youngcarer.com/

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thanks, appreciate it. First time on TSR in a few months so only just seen this. Nan cannot move in as she can't manage stairs and we don't have a spare room for her so its easier that Mum stays with her. We have been promised LOTS of things from various organisations like the Carers trust and Alzheimers society such as Carers, Allowances, Wheelchair (so we can actually take Nan out to places as she can't walk very far very easily) but none of that has been made a reality (even though we keep pushing for it).

    I'm an only child in the whole family- no siblings, neices, nephews or cousins.

    I have recently been volunteering for various thing: film-making (my passion); charity work and my local ParkRun. Been applying for jobs although no luck yet (have an interview tomorrow though so fingers crossed!)

    My Grandad broke his vertabrae from his original fall last December but the hospital refused to operate on it as they thought it was too risky given his age.

    He broke his collar bone after he fell out of bed at the care home but they never called an ambulance to check him- just put him back into bed. Again when the break was found the hospital refused to operate.

    He was a great man and had a horrible end which is what made his death harder because he suffered badly and all i could do was watch him fade away.

    Nan keeps forgetting hes gone which is pretty hard too.

    I'm honestly just begging for a nice Christmas because my family deserve it after the year we've endured!!! :/
 
 
 
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