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Would him/her being in a relationship

prevent you from trying to pursue a relationship with that person, would it be wrong, should i feel guilty for wanting to/doing so, is it a sign of weakness or lack of motivation motivation to back away and pursue someone who is single. discuss!

Reply 1

username47781

20

I don't quite understand, are you saying you are trying to pursue someone already in a relationship? personally I would say that's wrong.

Reply 2

sophisticated

17

Wanting something you can't have is quite typical of us humans, but trying to come between two people can never be good.
Like you said, you should pursue someone who is single and leave this other poor couple alone.

Reply 3

toffeesweets

I don't get how it's a lack of motivation :s-smilie:

But yeah, I'd say it was kinda wrong.

Reply 4

Chumbaniya

17

If they seemed happy together and I didn't think I had much of a chance, no. However, I wouldn't stop pursuing someone purely because they're in a relationship if I thought I had a chance. I'd be discrete about it though; I wouldn't want to cause unnecessary unpleasantness.

Reply 5

Tyler Durden

17

andrewjh009

prevent you from trying to pursue a relationship with that person, would it be wrong, should i feel guilty for wanting to/doing so, is it a sign of weakness or lack of motivation motivation to back away and pursue someone who is single. discuss!

Depends on a whole load of factors. Have they been together a day or a year or a decade? Are they happy together? Is there any history that makes things complicated? People who cheat tend not to be happy in their relationship. As the single one I don't think you are obliged not to put temptation in a person's way. I wouldn't cheat on a girl I was with, but that doesn't mean I am never going to chase a girl who does have a boyfriend (unless he's massive and standing right there :wink:

). Basically it's not your problem. You like the other person but they're in a relationship and will most likely stay that way - you're the one taking the risk here.

Reply 6

Tyler Durden

17

Chumbaniya

If they seemed happy together and I didn't think I had much of a chance, no. However, I wouldn't stop pursuing someone purely because they're in a relationship if I thought I had a chance. I'd be discrete about it though; I wouldn't want to cause unnecessary unpleasantness.

Oh, good post. :p:

Reply 7

louisedotcom

13

I would never persue someone in a realationship.
As soon as I found out they were attached thats where it would end.
I personally think its wrong to persue someone that you know is in a relationship.

Reply 8

wear_a_condom

yes it wrong. very wrong.

Reply 9

bunthulhu

14

Would him/her being in a relationship
prevent you from trying to pursue a relationship with that person, would it be wrong, should i feel guilty for wanting to/doing so, is it a sign of weakness or lack of motivation motivation to back away and pursue someone who is single. discuss!

Yes, yes, yes, and no. In that order.

Reply 10

History_is...

6

It is definitely wrong to persue someone in a relationship, but it is perhaps more acceptable to let them know how you feel about them, subtley of course, and let them choose for themselves, as long as nothing happens between the two of you while the person is taken. However seriously would you want the guilt and potentially the resentment from the person you are "persuing" for contributing to the end of their relationship?

Reply 11

Ilora-Danon

3

I'm persuing someone at the moment, who I initially thought was in a relationship... that fact didn't bother me at all.

It turns out that he's recently become single, so wahay for me lol.

Reply 12

simple_things

yes to the first 3, no to the last 1. i reckon it's a sign of strength to be able to back away and find someone else. it shows maturity and control over your emotions. not being able to will just hurt you unneccessarily. if you're crazy about the person and finding it hard to back away without closure then talk to the person and get some closure, but don't make it a competition cos it rarely goes well when that happens.

Reply 13

hannah_dru

2

It didn't bother me when my boyfriend was seeing someone else, in fact it made me more determined! It turns out that he fancied me at the time anyway.

Reply 14

Quistis

I agree with History_is... - while blatantly pursuing them is a bad idea, IMO, letting them know how you feel is a little different, because you're just letting them know that they have the option of being with you, and the decision is moreso theirs. However, either approach isn't ideal - if they do leave their current partner for you, then you'll always wonder whether they'd leave you for someone else... and that kind of jealousy and insecurity is a poor basis for a relationship. Take it from someone who cheated on a fair few boyfriends when she was back in school - the person you left your ex for will then, like as not, get more insecure than your average, and justifiably so.

Reply 15

Dittoo

2

I've done it...although we were good friends anyway, and i didnt take it anywhere. Its just a good feeling having someone like you like that.

She initiated it though, by telling me she liked me, so in a way, it was her pursuing me.

Reply 16

$Avatar for sTe\/o$

sTe\/o

16

andrewjh009

Would him/her being in a relationship prevent you from trying to pursue a relationship with that person

In theory, yes. I would steer clear, and maybe feel a bit annoyed I hadn't got there first. But there is a difference between theory and practice, and given the right circumstances I could see it happening... I would have to really like her, though, and would need some way of justifying to myself why it's not so bad (e.g. it's a new relationship, or the relationship is on the rocks... whatever).

would it be wrong

Well, yes, I suppose. On the other hand, if you don't take risks sometimes, you're always going to lose out.

should i feel guilty for wanting to/doing so

Definitely not for thinking about it. Obviously if you do it then you'll have to accept the consequences of your actions. A lot of people will think you're a bastard, for example, and you will have ruined another person's happiness. Is it worth it?

is it a sign of weakness or lack of motivation motivation to back away and pursue someone who is single.

Errr, no. If anything, it would be a sign of strength, surely? Or apathy about relationships. Or lack of confidence in what you can offer (in the sense that you would be competing with another bloke, so to speak).

Would him/her being in a relationship

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