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Scared about starting second year due to depression. watch

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    Hi all, hoping you can give me some much needed advice about my decision of whether I should drop out of uni or not. (I'm about to return to uni and start my second year).

    so before I started my first year at uni I was showing mild signs of depression but didn't think much of it and battled on and went to uni. this is where I think it all went down hill as I now have depression pretty badly and have to take medication in order to control it. heres where I'm going to try and explain how it got worse and why I'm considering leaving uni. firstly moving away from home while feeling depressed will mean that you have no one to talk to effectively as parents are 2h 30mins away from where I got to uni, which means the feeling of being aloneis made even worse. you may be thinking well your a fresher shouldn't you be socialising, going out and have lots of friends? well the answer is yes, I had/ did all those things but not having close family support is horrible. secondly, at uni I had a lot of spare time, sat in my room as I didn't have many lectures (even if I did I wouldn't go because I felt so depressed) and thirdly, I got into a relationship with the girl I lived with which got really messy... she split with her ex of 6 years to be with me, but then proceeded to end it with me and get back with her ex multiple times (yes I know I was stupid to have her back) this led me to getting very obsessive over her as I lived with her I had to know what she was doing all of the time and I couldn't bare the thought of her being with anyone else.

    now fast forward to the summer, I cut contact with the girl in question even though she wanted to text and call me all the time although she had a boyfriend. my depression got considerabley worse because of her so now I have counselling and I have to take meds percribed by the doctor. it all seemed to be getting better (Very very slowly) unitl one morning I gave in and called her... we spoke about old times on the phone for about and hourwhich was great but now its taken me back to my bad depressive stage of thinking about her 24/7 and crying every single day. I'm due to move back to uni in the next few weeks but my doctor and parents have suggested I leave uni. I'm very scared about what the future will hold for me. one part of me wants to leave, get a job and have a stable life. but the other half of me cant bare the thought of leaving and not seeing her again along with all my friends ive made at uni.

    I could have wrote a book about my first year but I thought I would keep it short.

    any help would be much appreciated. as I'm in a bad way atm and very scared about my future.
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    I had the same rough time at uni. Have you let your university know about the difficulties you've faced? If not, is that something you would consider? You need to think about whether it's better to stop completely, take time out to recover or go back with the additional support.
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    I know a few people who moved Uni after first year. It's a bit late to be organising it now, but have you called up some Uni's closer to home and asked them if you could just transfer? Rather than dropping out completely.

    My girlfriend struggled with depression throughout Uni, it can be really tough - I was lucky enough to have some friends and her that I already knew because I struggled to make anything more than acquaintances at Uni. It's tough.

    If you do go and give second year a try, there's things you could do that might help - and it looks like you're aware of them.

    1. This girl is clearly not good for you. Sounds like she's been pretty awful to you, and all you are getting from the relationship is pain and worsening mental health. If she's willing to do that to you, I don't think she's a good friend, or worth any contact with. Just cut it. Right now, block/delete her phone number and contact information. Resist all contact. It's not good for you.
    2. Get out! I struggled with my first year of Uni because I didn't get out much. In second year I started to do a lot more activities and joined some clubs and it was so much better. Find something you enjoy (or just want to try) and go to their stand at freshers fair and just throw yourself at it. You'll meet people and make better friends than you do from your halls or course.


    Of course, it's easy to say "get out!", but hard to do with depression. What I found most frustrating (from an observer) is that by far the worst symptom is that it just kicks your motivation in the nuts. And when you're not motivated to even get out of bed/get dressed, how the hell can you motivate yourself to go make friends/do exercise/whatever might improve the situation?

    It's a constant catch 22 struggle, but it is possible to break that cycle.

    I'd go for your second year, ignore this girl, try get out a little more, BUT seriously look at universities that are closer to home and start asking them if they would be willing to transfer you etc etc. If things get better, you can just stop that process. If they get worse, you can go through with it. If you can't transfer, well at least you gave it a chance to improve and you'll be in the same situation you were if you'd left now.

    But hey, this is just random ramblings.
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    (Original post by Hanvyj)
    I know a few people who moved Uni after first year. It's a bit late to be organising it now, but have you called up some Uni's closer to home and asked them if you could just transfer? Rather than dropping out completely.

    My girlfriend struggled with depression throughout Uni, it can be really tough - I was lucky enough to have some friends and her that I already knew because I struggled to make anything more than acquaintances at Uni. It's tough.

    If you do go and give second year a try, there's things you could do that might help - and it looks like you're aware of them.
    1. This girl is clearly not good for you. Sounds like she's been pretty awful to you, and all you are getting from the relationship is pain and worsening mental health. If she's willing to do that to you, I don't think she's a good friend, or worth any contact with. Just cut it. Right now, block/delete her phone number and contact information. Resist all contact. It's not good for you.
    2. Get out! I struggled with my first year of Uni because I didn't get out much. In second year I started to do a lot more activities and joined some clubs and it was so much better. Find something you enjoy (or just want to try) and go to their stand at freshers fair and just throw yourself at it. You'll meet people and make better friends than you do from your halls or course.
    Of course, it's easy to say "get out!", but hard to do with depression. What I found most frustrating (from an observer) is that by far the worst symptom is that it just kicks your motivation in the nuts. And when you're not motivated to even get out of bed/get dressed, how the hell can you motivate yourself to go make friends/do exercise/whatever might improve the situation?

    It's a constant catch 22 struggle, but it is possible to break that cycle.

    I'd go for your second year, ignore this girl, try get out a little more, BUT seriously look at universities that are closer to home and start asking them if they would be willing to transfer you etc etc. If things get better, you can just stop that process. If they get worse, you can go through with it. If you can't transfer, well at least you gave it a chance to improve and you'll be in the same situation you were if you'd left now.

    But hey, this is just random ramblings.
    Thanks so much for the advice its so uplifting that you've taken the time to judge and comment on my situation, I agree no more contact with this girl... not sure why I calledher tbh as I was doing fine without her after 3 months of no contact! I may start getting contact with other universities. that's what my parents want me to do... move to a uni closer. things were going SO well. I was loving my cricket and not even hinking about depression, until on morning I woke up home alone and it all came crashing down. I'm sure I will make it back to the state I was in before so I can actually enjoy things. rather than them just being distraction.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks so much for the advice its so uplifting that you've taken the time to judge and comment on my situation, I agree no more contact with this girl... not sure why I calledher tbh as I was doing fine without her after 3 months of no contact! I may start getting contact with other universities. that's what my parents want me to do... move to a uni closer. things were going SO well. I was loving my cricket and not even hinking about depression, until on morning I woke up home alone and it all came crashing down. I'm sure I will make it back to the state I was in before so I can actually enjoy things. rather than them just being distraction.
    It's likely to be a slow process, but sure you'll make it back. Especially if in those 3 months things got better. It always felt like depression was a permanent state for us, and never going to get beaten - but my girlfriend (now wife) beat it. Wasn't easy, but I know what you mean - and things aren't just distractions to her anymore. I still keep an eye out for those little warning signs that she's depressed and I haven't seen any for years.

    But depression makes you feel like there's no hope for it ending. There is!
 
 
 
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