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Dealing with anger when you remember abuse/rape esp when thrapist says it my fault!
I have been abused and raped in my life which understandably caused me a great deal of distress and lead to mental health problems such as ODing self harming etc. I overcome that, but I developed a drinking problem.
Over a year ago, a close older friend he was about 50 and an ex consellor and i known him for 1o years. He plied me with drink and sexually assulted me in that i woke up to find his fingers inside me. I was seeing a psycholgist and psychiatrist at the time.
My female psycholgist told me to "take responsibilty for myself "and to "watch a friends DVD. " to cheer myself up( no joke). and she changed the subject whenever i mentioned it. My mental health declined and i started abusing valium as well as booze.
my psychologist them got me discharged from the mental health services as she said that basically i was not adhering to the treatment plan and that being under the services was reinforcing a negative type of behavior. She never mentioned that i was upset and in shock over being assulted.
Im now seeing a new psychiatrist that offers therapy ive told her about what happened and what the psycholgist did, but she says it is a conflict of interest and wont really allow my to talk about her.
I Feel so much anger about getting assulted AND the attitute of the young female psycholgist who said things like " i go out drinking and i dont get assulted WTF)
it has been over a year and i feel so much rage.
im seeing my new psych later on today and im going to insist that we talk about what that man did and also , the response of my psycholgist.
anyone have any advice?
Over a year ago, a close older friend he was about 50 and an ex consellor and i known him for 1o years. He plied me with drink and sexually assulted me in that i woke up to find his fingers inside me. I was seeing a psycholgist and psychiatrist at the time.
My female psycholgist told me to "take responsibilty for myself "and to "watch a friends DVD. " to cheer myself up( no joke). and she changed the subject whenever i mentioned it. My mental health declined and i started abusing valium as well as booze.
my psychologist them got me discharged from the mental health services as she said that basically i was not adhering to the treatment plan and that being under the services was reinforcing a negative type of behavior. She never mentioned that i was upset and in shock over being assulted.
Im now seeing a new psychiatrist that offers therapy ive told her about what happened and what the psycholgist did, but she says it is a conflict of interest and wont really allow my to talk about her.
I Feel so much anger about getting assulted AND the attitute of the young female psycholgist who said things like " i go out drinking and i dont get assulted WTF)
it has been over a year and i feel so much rage.
im seeing my new psych later on today and im going to insist that we talk about what that man did and also , the response of my psycholgist.
anyone have any advice?
Personally, i have no experience of anything you've gone through and i don't intend to offend, just give advice.
Personally, when i get angry when, say, someone has wronged me, or i feel someone has wronged me and i feel i acted wrongly in a situation, i let go of it. Remembering past events/problems will just make you more angry, or reignite past hurt, it won't help your situation. Personally, i just think that what is done/what i've done, is done, it can't be changed and i just have to get on with my life. I just continue living life to its fullest, living it how i want it to be. How you let go is up to you, talk it through with people?
Abusing drink, drugs and/or self harming, i see as a personal psychological issue(in my opinion). The key to your problems is why you turn to alcohol, valium, etc. Is it because it makes you feel better? Enables you to forget? Personally, if i'm feeling crap, i deliberately stay away from booze, etc because i know in reality it won't make things better and it can/could just make my health mental or physical worse. Its about addressing why you turn to drugs(anger? hurt? etc) and having the willpower to stay away from them if you are feeling vulnerable, angry, etc.
Perhaps getting justice would make you feel better? Is the 50 year old bloke being investigated? Has he been prosecuted? Perhaps when he's away you can feel you've got justice and let go of some of your anger? Have you made a statement to the police to stop it happening again or to someone else? If you truely think your first psychologist gave truely bad advice you can complain, but personally, it won't gain anything, you will probably feel the same way you do now. TBH, some of the things she said were very unprofessional, just try to ignore it, people always say things we do and don't like, for our health we need to forgive and forget otherwise we can never move on.
And, again, no offense, but abusing drink and drugs isn't a very good idea. Most drug-rape is carried out on girls/boys/etc who have had too much to drink, etc, to know what is going on around them (potential hazards) and how to get home safely. You may not want to hear it, but it is irresponsible, if you are going to get into that sort of state at least have a good very friend around who you trust to get you home safely and who won't dump you in the earliest opportunity that you can't walk/collapse/vomit/etc.
You need to move on and get rid of the hurt/anger you're feeling, and hopefully that in itself will give you no need to turn to drink, drugs, etc. Plus, you need to look after yourself, drinking/drugs aren't very good for your own personal safety and will make you more likely to be a victim in the future. Plus, it may sound cheesy, but be streetwise, i don't know the context of your past abuse, but knowing whats going on around you and how to react if anything happens can only improve your confidence and personal safety.
Good luck, i hope i've helped. Sort out your issues and live a happier life
Personally, when i get angry when, say, someone has wronged me, or i feel someone has wronged me and i feel i acted wrongly in a situation, i let go of it. Remembering past events/problems will just make you more angry, or reignite past hurt, it won't help your situation. Personally, i just think that what is done/what i've done, is done, it can't be changed and i just have to get on with my life. I just continue living life to its fullest, living it how i want it to be. How you let go is up to you, talk it through with people?
Abusing drink, drugs and/or self harming, i see as a personal psychological issue(in my opinion). The key to your problems is why you turn to alcohol, valium, etc. Is it because it makes you feel better? Enables you to forget? Personally, if i'm feeling crap, i deliberately stay away from booze, etc because i know in reality it won't make things better and it can/could just make my health mental or physical worse. Its about addressing why you turn to drugs(anger? hurt? etc) and having the willpower to stay away from them if you are feeling vulnerable, angry, etc.
Perhaps getting justice would make you feel better? Is the 50 year old bloke being investigated? Has he been prosecuted? Perhaps when he's away you can feel you've got justice and let go of some of your anger? Have you made a statement to the police to stop it happening again or to someone else? If you truely think your first psychologist gave truely bad advice you can complain, but personally, it won't gain anything, you will probably feel the same way you do now. TBH, some of the things she said were very unprofessional, just try to ignore it, people always say things we do and don't like, for our health we need to forgive and forget otherwise we can never move on.
And, again, no offense, but abusing drink and drugs isn't a very good idea. Most drug-rape is carried out on girls/boys/etc who have had too much to drink, etc, to know what is going on around them (potential hazards) and how to get home safely. You may not want to hear it, but it is irresponsible, if you are going to get into that sort of state at least have a good very friend around who you trust to get you home safely and who won't dump you in the earliest opportunity that you can't walk/collapse/vomit/etc.
You need to move on and get rid of the hurt/anger you're feeling, and hopefully that in itself will give you no need to turn to drink, drugs, etc. Plus, you need to look after yourself, drinking/drugs aren't very good for your own personal safety and will make you more likely to be a victim in the future. Plus, it may sound cheesy, but be streetwise, i don't know the context of your past abuse, but knowing whats going on around you and how to react if anything happens can only improve your confidence and personal safety.
Good luck, i hope i've helped. Sort out your issues and live a happier life
Anonymous
I have been abused and raped in my life which understandably caused me a great deal of distress and lead to mental health problems such as ODing self harming etc. I overcome that, but I developed a drinking problem.
Over a year ago, a close older friend he was about 50 and an ex consellor and i known him for 1o years. He plied me with drink and sexually assulted me in that i woke up to find his fingers inside me. I was seeing a psycholgist and psychiatrist at the time.
My female psycholgist told me to "take responsibilty for myself "and to "watch a friends DVD. " to cheer myself up( no joke). and she changed the subject whenever i mentioned it. My mental health declined and i started abusing valium as well as booze.
my psychologist them got me discharged from the mental health services as she said that basically i was not adhering to the treatment plan and that being under the services was reinforcing a negative type of behavior. She never mentioned that i was upset and in shock over being assulted.
Im now seeing a new psychiatrist that offers therapy ive told her about what happened and what the psycholgist did, but she says it is a conflict of interest and wont really allow my to talk about her.
I Feel so much anger about getting assulted AND the attitute of the young female psycholgist who said things like " i go out drinking and i dont get assulted WTF)
it has been over a year and i feel so much rage.
im seeing my new psych later on today and im going to insist that we talk about what that man did and also , the response of my psycholgist.
anyone have any advice?
Over a year ago, a close older friend he was about 50 and an ex consellor and i known him for 1o years. He plied me with drink and sexually assulted me in that i woke up to find his fingers inside me. I was seeing a psycholgist and psychiatrist at the time.
My female psycholgist told me to "take responsibilty for myself "and to "watch a friends DVD. " to cheer myself up( no joke). and she changed the subject whenever i mentioned it. My mental health declined and i started abusing valium as well as booze.
my psychologist them got me discharged from the mental health services as she said that basically i was not adhering to the treatment plan and that being under the services was reinforcing a negative type of behavior. She never mentioned that i was upset and in shock over being assulted.
Im now seeing a new psychiatrist that offers therapy ive told her about what happened and what the psycholgist did, but she says it is a conflict of interest and wont really allow my to talk about her.
I Feel so much anger about getting assulted AND the attitute of the young female psycholgist who said things like " i go out drinking and i dont get assulted WTF)
it has been over a year and i feel so much rage.
im seeing my new psych later on today and im going to insist that we talk about what that man did and also , the response of my psycholgist.
anyone have any advice?
Sorry to hear what you've been through
Firstly, the way you've been treated is ridiculous and quite disgusting really, no one deserves to be treated like that, and any decent therapist/counsellor would not speak to you like that.
What sort of service are you accessing, is it NHS? Or is it a specialist service?
Thanks Both
and it is the NHS.
and it is the NHS.
That explains it then
Anonymous
Thanks Both
and it is the NHS.
and it is the NHS.
Personally I would see if you can try and access support at a support centre that specialises in rape and sexual abuse, as they will have more experience in that area, and they can also help you with your other problems and refer you to other services if needed
If you look in your phone book you should be able to find one in your local area, you can contact them directly and speak to them and see if you would like to go there instead
If you want any more info let me know or PM me, as I actually work at one so I can give you more info if you need it
Hi OP:
You've every right to feel angry at both this vile man and that utterly naive psychologist. They both abused your trust and you should not be blamed for it. Okay, so you were drunk, but this is a state that many of us get into quite often. Of course, like that woman said, some of us can go out and have a drink without being assaulted but then she is a well-established professional who can probably afford to go to decent places, and get a decent taxi home. She seems to view your situation as straight self-sabotage. If this were the case (that you self-sabotage) then she had an opportunity to help you with that too, but didn't.
But anyway, I too have been in situations where drink has been factor in my being used or abused in some way, but it wasn't the drink that did it! It was the man that I was with!
Your life and her life are so much different.
Although I've said so much about her behaviour already, I'm not here to start a hate campaign against your previous doctor. You said that she was young? Well, there you go.
You can always call or write to the Samaritans at [email protected] They would be more than willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings on the subject. They don't explicitly give advice, but they may lead you towards new possibilities of thought. That is, if you are willing to go along. They're very geared towards what you need and have absolutely no agenda. I think it would help you.
How are you feeling now? And how are you coping with your substance abuse? Please be careful where you drink and with whom you drink. Some people seem perfect until you're too pissed to say any different. Unfortunately, you can get into a cycle of being abused. Once you've been vulnerable, it can be hard to become anything else. I bet some people scoff at this idea, but why do they suppose some rape victims have been such a victim on more than one occasion?
Anyway, I hope that this helps in some way. I hope that you're able to get through this and finally start living life. Don't spend your whole existence screwing about what he or she did. They simply are not worth your happiness.
You've every right to feel angry at both this vile man and that utterly naive psychologist. They both abused your trust and you should not be blamed for it. Okay, so you were drunk, but this is a state that many of us get into quite often. Of course, like that woman said, some of us can go out and have a drink without being assaulted but then she is a well-established professional who can probably afford to go to decent places, and get a decent taxi home. She seems to view your situation as straight self-sabotage. If this were the case (that you self-sabotage) then she had an opportunity to help you with that too, but didn't.
But anyway, I too have been in situations where drink has been factor in my being used or abused in some way, but it wasn't the drink that did it! It was the man that I was with!
Your life and her life are so much different.
Although I've said so much about her behaviour already, I'm not here to start a hate campaign against your previous doctor. You said that she was young? Well, there you go.
You can always call or write to the Samaritans at [email protected] They would be more than willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings on the subject. They don't explicitly give advice, but they may lead you towards new possibilities of thought. That is, if you are willing to go along. They're very geared towards what you need and have absolutely no agenda. I think it would help you.
How are you feeling now? And how are you coping with your substance abuse? Please be careful where you drink and with whom you drink. Some people seem perfect until you're too pissed to say any different. Unfortunately, you can get into a cycle of being abused. Once you've been vulnerable, it can be hard to become anything else. I bet some people scoff at this idea, but why do they suppose some rape victims have been such a victim on more than one occasion?
Anyway, I hope that this helps in some way. I hope that you're able to get through this and finally start living life. Don't spend your whole existence screwing about what he or she did. They simply are not worth your happiness.
Hi there,
I'm sorry about all you've been through and I hope that you are doing better. The experience you've been through is awful. I've luckily never had quite such things but after going through something awful and not getting over it my therapist told me that i had too much oxygen in my brain.....
So it seems there are some who really need shooting for the good of the mental health of people....but back to the topic Unless the pysch you're seeing is a colleague of the original then there really isn't a problem with you talking to them. It's all confidential. And it really is something you need help with. You should go back to your GP, I assume you went to them first to get a referral? Tell them as much as you want and tell them that you need help. Maybe once you're sorted you should report the shrink who was a waste of space. You should never ever feel guilty. I know it's the hardest thing having something at the back your back just that little inckling that it was your fault. You can't listen to it or it wil break you down.
Maybe a support group might be good in the meantime. I know you might have to wait a while on the NHS...so AA or something? Or as a above the samaritans might be able to point you in the right direction..
Hope this was of some use. If you do want to talk just post on here that you do and I'll drop you a PM xxxxxxxxxxx
I'm sorry about all you've been through and I hope that you are doing better. The experience you've been through is awful. I've luckily never had quite such things but after going through something awful and not getting over it my therapist told me that i had too much oxygen in my brain.....
So it seems there are some who really need shooting for the good of the mental health of people....but back to the topic Unless the pysch you're seeing is a colleague of the original then there really isn't a problem with you talking to them. It's all confidential. And it really is something you need help with. You should go back to your GP, I assume you went to them first to get a referral? Tell them as much as you want and tell them that you need help. Maybe once you're sorted you should report the shrink who was a waste of space. You should never ever feel guilty. I know it's the hardest thing having something at the back your back just that little inckling that it was your fault. You can't listen to it or it wil break you down.
Maybe a support group might be good in the meantime. I know you might have to wait a while on the NHS...so AA or something? Or as a above the samaritans might be able to point you in the right direction..
Hope this was of some use. If you do want to talk just post on here that you do and I'll drop you a PM xxxxxxxxxxx
iTalya
Surely you can complain.. I don't think a therapist should be telling the abuse was your fault seeing as it was probably 100% NOT your fault.
Yeah I would have thought they would have to be professional about these things.
Hi OP, I really feel for you. Unfortunately you had an unprofessional counsellor - you should complain in writing as this person will not help others by saying it is their fault.
I know Brook Advisory offer counselling which is a very good service. Do look for other counsellors and hopefully you will be able to sort your problems out. I would tell the police about the 50 year old after what he has put you through and you don't know if he is a risk to others.
I know Brook Advisory offer counselling which is a very good service. Do look for other counsellors and hopefully you will be able to sort your problems out. I would tell the police about the 50 year old after what he has put you through and you don't know if he is a risk to others.
I know vaguely how you're feeling. I was assaulted last year and the councillers response was "what did you do to provoke it?", when i said "nothing" she said "you must have done something. did you try and stop it" and i then said "i froze from shock. but when i realised i tried to stop it etcetcetc" and it kept going on and on. ie. it was my fault and the male was clearly just doing what males do.... i'd been assaulted before but i was hardly going to bring it up after that!
being made to feel like that destroys you. i go out. get really drunk. if people touch me i freak out. if a bloke slaps me on the arse, trust me, they'll get an earful (let's be honest they deserve it). and in all honesty, i can't see a male ever wanting me for anything other than sex. sad eh? it makes you so so angry, because you don't want any of these people to treat you like that. whether it's someone doing that to you, or your psycologist treating you in that way. it's kind of a vicious circle, especially when you self harm
BUT you can get better. whatever anyone says it wasn't your fault. you don't have to do anything about it, but you need to start to love yourself again. self harm in all senses (whether you go out to hurt yourself, get drunk to hurt yourself) is difficult to get over, but it's possible. you need to work at it and find other outlets. it can get alot better, hard work, but you'll be happier at the end of it!
in the context of "conflict of interest". explain how much trauma came of the situation and that you need reasoning from it. no names need be named but you should really get the oppurtinty to discuss it
being made to feel like that destroys you. i go out. get really drunk. if people touch me i freak out. if a bloke slaps me on the arse, trust me, they'll get an earful (let's be honest they deserve it). and in all honesty, i can't see a male ever wanting me for anything other than sex. sad eh? it makes you so so angry, because you don't want any of these people to treat you like that. whether it's someone doing that to you, or your psycologist treating you in that way. it's kind of a vicious circle, especially when you self harm
BUT you can get better. whatever anyone says it wasn't your fault. you don't have to do anything about it, but you need to start to love yourself again. self harm in all senses (whether you go out to hurt yourself, get drunk to hurt yourself) is difficult to get over, but it's possible. you need to work at it and find other outlets. it can get alot better, hard work, but you'll be happier at the end of it!
in the context of "conflict of interest". explain how much trauma came of the situation and that you need reasoning from it. no names need be named but you should really get the oppurtinty to discuss it
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