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Being the "bit on the side" in a relationship

Basically, my bf makes me feel like I'm his 'bit on the side'. We've been together 4 weeks, and he hardly ever seems to want to meet me. He wants to spend most of his time with his friends. I haven't got a problem with that, but talking to him last night he made it sound as if him and his friends get together to get away from the girlfriends (even thought his friends see each other everyday and live practically next door to each other). That obviously isn't the reason they meet, but thats what my bf likes to assume.

He can see his friends every single day, but couldn't see me every day (not that I would want to see him every day, but just for arguements sake). He said himself "as long as you don't insist in seeing me everyday, I'll be happy".
It also feels the reason he wants to be in a relationship is so its 'social status' for him as 'being in a relationship' round his friends, as most of his friends have always had girlfriends, but he hasn't.
Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
Any advice as to what to say to him?
Feedback?

Reply 1

Sparkly-student

**

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 2

username47781

20

Well if thats how you feel tell him, if you can't find a solution where he see's you a bit more end it and find someone who is willing to meet your needs.

Reply 3

toffeesweets

I feel for you! :hugs:

When did you last meet him? If you feel like he's treating you as his "bit on the side" then he should know about it! What he said to you was a bit harsh too. It doesn't sound like he's very committed to be honest and taking the relationship for granted. Tell him you don't think he's taking you very seriously. Maybe you want different things out of the relationship, because you want it to be more serious than he does.

Good luck hun :hugs:

Reply 4

BlibBlob

OP

toffeesweets

I feel for you! :hugs:

When did you last meet him? If you feel like he's treating you as his "bit on the side" then he should know about it! What he said to you was a bit harsh too. It doesn't sound like he's very committed to be honest and taking the relationship for granted. Tell him you don't think he's taking you very seriously. Maybe you want different things out of the relationship, because you want it to be more serious than he does.

Good luck hun :hugs:

I thought what he said was a bit harsh to to be honest, but I thought maybe I was appearing a bit clingy to think that, but I'm glad you agree :smile:

The last time I saw him was Friday last week. I asked him if he wanted to meet me tomorrow, and he has accepted.

We both want a long term relationship, not just a 'quick fling', and I'm pretty certain he's not just with me for sex. He told me he loved me for the first time when I last saw him, and I know he wouldn't say it unless he really meant it. I'm so confused. I understand that when your in a relationship, you need space and time on your own, but this is ridiculous. I said to him "I don't get to see you that often", and he repied "haha seriously?".....what the heck?

Reply 5

toffeesweets

JaneNorman

I thought what he said was a bit harsh to to be honest, but I thought maybe I was appearing a bit clingy to think that, but I'm glad you agree :smile:

The last time I saw him was Friday last week. I asked him if he wanted to meet me tomorrow, and he has accepted.

We both want a long term relationship, not just a 'quick fling', and I'm pretty certain he's not just with me for sex. He told me he loved me for the first time when I last saw him, and I know he wouldn't say it unless he really meant it. I'm so confused. I understand that when your in a relationship, you need space and time on your own, but this is ridiculous. I said to him "I don't get to see you that often", and he repied "haha seriously?".....what the heck?

Some people see their boyfriends or girlfriends every day, but others think once a week is enough. :s-smilie:

Best thing to do is to tell him everything you've said here otherwise he will think nothing's wrong, and it could get worse. Good luck. :redface:

Reply 6

greeneggs

10

Maybe he likes boys.

Reply 7

BlibBlob

OP

Hen

It sounds a bit dodgy to me to be honest.....either he likes you or he doesn't and he needs to show you which! Without being nasty it doesn't sound like he has a lot of respect for you so maybe you would be better off without him? It's up to you....if you can put up with being treated like that then it's cool but it doesn't sound as if he is ready for a relationship.

Thats what I thought too because I was friends with him before we started dating and he was always telling me how much he wanted to be in a relationship. Practically any girl he came across, he would talk about her as if he had a good chance of being with her. It used to drive me nuts. Part of me thinks he is in the relationship just cause he wants a girlfriend, and thats it, so to speak.

Reply 8

Helenia

20

This is at least the 4th thread you've made about not being happy with your relationship. And you've been going out a month. If I were you, alarm bells would be ringing.

Reply 9

username47781

20

Jane have you actually talked to him about this?

Reply 10

BlibBlob

OP

Rock Fan

Jane have you actually talked to him about this?

I'm going to be speaking to him tonight about it. I've been putting it off cause I don't want us falling out, or he's sweet talked me somehow, and its made me change my mind. But I'm at the stage where I just don't care now.

I promise this is the last thread helenia lol :p:

Reply 11

username47781

20

Well I hope you did talk to him, because if you don't communicate in a relationship and be honest, then how can it work?

Reply 12

Eubacterium

13

JaneNorman

Basically, my bf makes me feel like I'm his 'bit on the side'. We've been together 4 weeks, and he hardly ever seems to want to meet me. He wants to spend most of his time with his friends. I haven't got a problem with that, but talking to him last night he made it sound as if him and his friends get together to get away from the girlfriends (even thought his friends see each other everyday and live practically next door to each other). That obviously isn't the reason they meet, but thats what my bf likes to assume.

He can see his friends every single day, but couldn't see me every day (not that I would want to see him every day, but just for arguements sake). He said himself "as long as you don't insist in seeing me everyday, I'll be happy".
It also feels the reason he wants to be in a relationship is so its 'social status' for him as 'being in a relationship' round his friends, as most of his friends have always had girlfriends, but he hasn't.
Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
Any advice as to what to say to him?
Feedback?

Tell him it's over and find someone better. You answered your own question. He's just an immature git.

Reply 13

Eubacterium

13

Rock Fan

Well I hope you did talk to him, because if you don't communicate in a relationship and be honest, then how can it work?

It's hardly a relationship if it's only for 4 weeks and he won't make the effort to see her. If she ends it she really would be ending nothing.

Reply 14

winniethepooh88

I would be freaked out if my boyfriend told me he loved me after 4 weeks..

Reply 15

Sticky

Well this is how such guys achieve their status. The least they can get away with giving you, the more they're "the man". Basically the ultimate for a guy is to have several girls on the go, who are just waiting for his call.

The fact is, the more girls like you, settle for this kind of arrangement, the more social value you give these guys. It seems like you're actually quite willing to settle for this (resigning yourself to accepting that you won't be able to see him everyday) so clearly in your eyes, he must be worth quite a bit.

Being the "bit on the side" in a relationship

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