Really need some helpful thoughts and advice

Been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years (both 23), we have not had sex as I am fearful it will be painful. The thing is I do want sex! I just don't know how to go about being relaxed and what to take my mind off the pain. I think its the 5 inch girth putting me off and pushing the hymen! It is taking its toll and he said he will be off next week if we don't try. He says its not that he doesn't care he just feels rejected and is starting to get angry. He has been a saint waiting that long - I know he hasn't cheated.

Our relationship is starting to go rocky, his parents are trying to turn him against me and I'm scared this sex problem will end it all. I don't think it helped today when I accidently texted him men are a swear word so I had to make up an excuse. I want a future and so does he, I tried councelling but that wasn't helpful as they finished the sessions after so long. How long does the initial pain last? How long would the first time last? How do you relax and get in the mood? Any help is much appreciated.

Thanks

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Reply 1

Kate.

You're going to have to do it at some point. Once it's over with, that's it.

Just make sure you have a LOT of foreplay and use lube. That'll minimise the pain - which isn't unbearable anyway. If you're sure that you do want to have sex with him, maybe have a drink or two just to relax a bit - don't get drunk though.

Try not to worry about it. I'm sure he'll be gentle and go slowly, and if it does hurt a lot then he'll stop. Honestly though, chances are it won't be THAT painful, and I'm sure as the sex gets better it'll definitely be worth it :smile:

My first time sucked but I can barely remember it now. Try not to think of it as such a big deal.

Reply 2

tbm

Have you had any sort of sexual experiences with him whatsoever? If not it might be best to start on the basics and work your way up to full sex, that way you will both be relaxed (hopefully!) and used to each others bodies. If you use loads of lubricant hopefully it should make things easier. You'll probably be a bit sore at first but after that it will start getting better and more easier, but obviously its different for everyone. Obviously dont just give in to pressure as you feel you'll lose him if you dont have sex, as otherwise you'll just been even more stressed about the whole thing, and obviously it will make it harde for you to relax.

Reply 3

Salmon

We have done everything else except intercourse! It does come across like he is being pressurising but its the fact I have always put it off so I need to move forward. I think a drink is a good idea.

Reply 4

ßlαcksωαn

I cant believe he's waited so long. He must actually care. (cept for the threat). Get real OP, yeh it'll probaly hurt, 5 inchs isnt massive. Just do it!

Reply 5

lea164

First time sex doesn't hurt as much as everyone makes out it does!

I would suggest lots of foreplay and lube can help, make sure you feel comfortable with him and are doing it for the right reasons.

Reply 6

Ilora-Danon

You could be worrying for nothing. Some people don't feel ANY pain on their first time...

Reply 7

User69701

You can try going on top, therby being in control.

Reply 8

Sticky

blackswan

5 inchs isnt massive. Just do it!

5 inches girth isn't massive? How wide is... ok I'll stop there.

I think that the OP got mixed up.

Reply 9

Meep!

Don't worry so much, just try to relax- it really isn't as bad as often made out.

Reply 10

Renegade Dagger

What's the worst that can happen?

Just pick a time when you are really relaxed, and have no commitments the following day, in case you do feel sore for a while afterwards.

I really hope you can do it, and I'm sure it's possible. I was extremely worried my first time because I'm just tiny and I'd heard things about blood etc etc.

I assure you you'll feel comfortable around your boyfriend, and he won't put you in a position where you are in agony. Just trust him and yourself.

Reply 11

ISH

foreplay, lube, and remember that it may hurt but it gets easier

Reply 12

Little Dawn

Well for a start he should'nt pressure you like that even if he has been waiting for a long time. iv been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half years and he was my first, i was also scared but when we did finally have sex it felt right. So my advice is you will only feel relaxed when you know its the right time. You could also start off with foreplay or oral for a while till you are ready for sex. there is nothing to be scared of honest yes it may hurt for the first time, just tell your boyfriend to take his time go slow you will find its not as scary as you thought.x

Reply 13

Kate.

Sticky

5 inches girth isn't massive? How wide is... ok I'll stop there.

I think that the OP got mixed up.

I assumed she was refering to the 'circumference', rather than the diameter or something! Obviously 5 inches diameter would be ridiculous, but as circumference it's not massive at all.

Reply 14

cabbage

Just do it, once you have the first time over with, you wont look back. So it might be a little pain the first time, but it will be worth it!

Reply 15

randomgirl

Lube it up!

As said above, have lots of foreplay etc. Try not to worry about it, it might not be as painful as you think.

Reply 16

random_bloke

Well for a start he should'nt pressure you like that

i honestly don't think anyone can blame him!

Reply 17

PhilMc

Tbh, he has waited a while now; lets be fair!

Reply 18

silverbolt

lea164

First time sex doesn't hurt as much as everyone makes out it does!

I would suggest lots of foreplay and lube can help, make sure you feel comfortable with him and are doing it for the right reasons.

good advice and very true

and OP your man deserves a medal three years - jeez

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Just do it! The longer you wait, the more of your life you're wasting! How do you even know you have a hymen? I did, I couldn't even use tampons... everything turned out fine for me in the end.