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    • Thread Starter

    My grandmother died a few nights ago, and I am feeling very guilty for a decision I made on the evening of her death.

    She has been very ill for a few months (cancer) and my mum and I have been the ones caring for her 95% of the time, which has involved staying over for nights on end, with little or no sleep, to provide the 24-hour care that she needed, as she refused to stay in hospital for very long.

    On the afternoon of her death, she was taken to hospital in an ambulance and admitted onto the ward. Later on in the evening, she became extremely difficult, getting quite angry, aggressive towards my mum in particular, who was only trying to insist that she didn't keep taking her oxygen mask and cannula out (which she had previously pulled out) so she would improve, and my mum became frustrated with her.

    I insisted to my mum that we go home for the evening, as my grandmother was becoming even more harder to deal with, and I could forsee one of them saying something terrible to the other, and my mum in particular was extremely tired after so little sleep and not feeling very well herself. She didn't really want to leave but agreed it was probably the right thing to do.

    Unfortunately we recieved a call in the early hours of the morning, calling us up to the hospital, where they informed us that my grandmother had passed away.

    Whilst she was very ill, we never thought that she wouldn't make it through the night, so I thought, for the reasons above, that it was best we came home for some sleep.

    I now feel very bad because I was the reason we came home; had my mother been there alone she would have stayed there all night, with no thought for herself. I was thinking of both of them when I insisted we come home, but I was responsible for us not being there in her final moments.

    Did I make a terrible decision? Because I now feel as though I did.
    • #1

    No that was the right decision to make at the time- how could you have foreseen her passing.
    Try not to beat yourself up about it!
    I'm sorry for your loss

    Awwwww no! Of course not. You didn't say that to your mum to get her to be away from your grandma for bad reasons. You did what you thought was best and clearly at that time your mum thought so too as otherwise she wouldn't have come back home. No one could have foreseen that your grandma would pass away. Don't blame yourself or feel bad. If it will help you, you can always talk to your mum and apologise to her but I'm sure she'll say the same thing we're telling you now

    You helped to make sure that the last words they said to each other were not out of anger..that is a beautiful gift. There's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.

    I'm so sorry for your loss
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