Relationships at uni... Mr Right or Mr Right Now?
Hi everyone,
I've got another 2 years of uni left and I'd really like to find a relationship. The dilemma I'm having is that I study in London and I'm really unsure if I'd like to settle there ultimately mostly due to extornationate rent prices and not feeling at home one bit. I'm not ruling it out as a lot of jobs in the field I will be going into are in London, however ideally I would like to go elsewhere.
I would really like to settle down and find something that will last however with the uncertainty of where I will be after uni I wonder if I will just be setting myself up for heartbreak?
I can't imagine doing long distance after university for instance if I wanted to leave London and my future partner wanted to stay in London.
For this reason I wonder if I should just find a relationship which may only last a few years, rather than pressure myself into finding 'the one'.
What should I do? Am I overthinking? This is causing me a lot of anxiety.
I've got another 2 years of uni left and I'd really like to find a relationship. The dilemma I'm having is that I study in London and I'm really unsure if I'd like to settle there ultimately mostly due to extornationate rent prices and not feeling at home one bit. I'm not ruling it out as a lot of jobs in the field I will be going into are in London, however ideally I would like to go elsewhere.
I would really like to settle down and find something that will last however with the uncertainty of where I will be after uni I wonder if I will just be setting myself up for heartbreak?
I can't imagine doing long distance after university for instance if I wanted to leave London and my future partner wanted to stay in London.
For this reason I wonder if I should just find a relationship which may only last a few years, rather than pressure myself into finding 'the one'.
What should I do? Am I overthinking? This is causing me a lot of anxiety.
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone,
I've got another 2 years of uni left and I'd really like to find a relationship. The dilemma I'm having is that I study in London and I'm really unsure if I'd like to settle there ultimately mostly due to extornationate rent prices and not feeling at home one bit. I'm not ruling it out as a lot of jobs in the field I will be going into are in London, however ideally I would like to go elsewhere.
I would really like to settle down and find something that will last however with the uncertainty of where I will be after uni I wonder if I will just be setting myself up for heartbreak?
I can't imagine doing long distance after university for instance if I wanted to leave London and my future partner wanted to stay in London.
For this reason I wonder if I should just find a relationship which may only last a few years, rather than pressure myself into finding 'the one'.
What should I do? Am I overthinking? This is causing me a lot of anxiety.
I've got another 2 years of uni left and I'd really like to find a relationship. The dilemma I'm having is that I study in London and I'm really unsure if I'd like to settle there ultimately mostly due to extornationate rent prices and not feeling at home one bit. I'm not ruling it out as a lot of jobs in the field I will be going into are in London, however ideally I would like to go elsewhere.
I would really like to settle down and find something that will last however with the uncertainty of where I will be after uni I wonder if I will just be setting myself up for heartbreak?
I can't imagine doing long distance after university for instance if I wanted to leave London and my future partner wanted to stay in London.
For this reason I wonder if I should just find a relationship which may only last a few years, rather than pressure myself into finding 'the one'.
What should I do? Am I overthinking? This is causing me a lot of anxiety.
You re overthinking it. If you find the right person then you may settle down anywhere really.
Seriously, just go with the flow.
If you enter a relationship with the mindset of them being "the one" you set yourself up for failure because you put too much pressure. Subsequently if you just treat it too casually then that's all it will ever be.
Meaningful relationship's take time to develop. You may date someone for six months and decide you have enough. Date because you enjoy being with that person and whatever happens, happens. You're a few years away from having to worry about living arrangements and such just yet.
If you enter a relationship with the mindset of them being "the one" you set yourself up for failure because you put too much pressure. Subsequently if you just treat it too casually then that's all it will ever be.
Meaningful relationship's take time to develop. You may date someone for six months and decide you have enough. Date because you enjoy being with that person and whatever happens, happens. You're a few years away from having to worry about living arrangements and such just yet.
Original post by claireestelle
You re overthinking it. If you find the right person then you may settle down anywhere really.
Yes perhaps I am. I feel like in London some people are so fixed on their careers and the lifestyle in London they will never leave.
Yes I agree things take time and there seems to be a delicate balance to it, the uncertainty of which makes me feel like throwing in the towel when it comes to relationships.
I feel a lot of anxiety about it as I'm in my mid 20s and never been asked out before. I worry because I would love to be settling down but my best years are behind me now with little to no experience. I always thought I would be married by now but I'm still waiting for my first date
I feel a lot of anxiety about it as I'm in my mid 20s and never been asked out before. I worry because I would love to be settling down but my best years are behind me now with little to no experience. I always thought I would be married by now but I'm still waiting for my first date
Trust me, you don't want to get married under 25, as appealing as it is.
I'm sorry you have hadn't any experience. Are you proactive in your dating life? Girls can sometimes do with taking the initiative, signing up to online dating and such like. It's not exactly difficult and once you weed through the idiots you can find a few gems. In a way I can relate because I don't have much experience myself (two relationships, but in comparison to most people my age that's nothing), but don't worry about it too much; you've obviously had other stuff to be focusing on.
I'm sorry you have hadn't any experience. Are you proactive in your dating life? Girls can sometimes do with taking the initiative, signing up to online dating and such like. It's not exactly difficult and once you weed through the idiots you can find a few gems. In a way I can relate because I don't have much experience myself (two relationships, but in comparison to most people my age that's nothing), but don't worry about it too much; you've obviously had other stuff to be focusing on.
PRSOM.
You make some great posts.
You make some great posts.
You are overthinking.
Your partner may not want to stay in London either.
Or one of you might get your dream job in Australia.
Or you might be run over next week.
Or you might both decide to stay together no matter what.
You're trying to work out what an imaginary person is going to want/think in a few years time.
There's more sense in believing in Santa Claus.
Your partner may not want to stay in London either.
Or one of you might get your dream job in Australia.
Or you might be run over next week.
Or you might both decide to stay together no matter what.
You're trying to work out what an imaginary person is going to want/think in a few years time.
There's more sense in believing in Santa Claus.
Original post by -
Trust me, you don't want to get married under 25, as appealing as it is.
I'm sorry you have hadn't any experience. Are you proactive in your dating life? Girls can sometimes do with taking the initiative, signing up to online dating and such like. It's not exactly difficult and once you weed through the idiots you can find a few gems. In a way I can relate because I don't have much experience myself (two relationships, but in comparison to most people my age that's nothing), but don't worry about it too much; you've obviously had other stuff to be focusing on.
I'm sorry you have hadn't any experience. Are you proactive in your dating life? Girls can sometimes do with taking the initiative, signing up to online dating and such like. It's not exactly difficult and once you weed through the idiots you can find a few gems. In a way I can relate because I don't have much experience myself (two relationships, but in comparison to most people my age that's nothing), but don't worry about it too much; you've obviously had other stuff to be focusing on.
I agree, but I'm no longer under 25.
I have to admit no I've not signed up to online dating sites before. I've tried to meet men in real life but most of the guys that go for me are younger and what I would describe as 'pretty boys' who have no interest in relationships. I've tried to be proactive and confessed my feelings to some of the seemingly sweet and decent, and kind of nerdy guys who I tend to fall for but none of them have liked me back to date unfortunately.
I think online dating is probably the next step but I'm incredibly nervous and it sounds odd but I hate putting my pictures online.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by shawn_o1
Social events. Attend some and attend some more.
I've always attended lots at uni but it seems most guys are either taken or just want to hook up (or both!) which is not my cup of tea. I think I may have to branch to events outside of uni.
Original post by dancing sloth
You are overthinking.
Your partner may not want to stay in London either.
Or one of you might get your dream job in Australia.
Or you might be run over next week.
Or you might both decide to stay together no matter what.
You're trying to work out what an imaginary person is going to want/think in a few years time.
There's more sense in believing in Santa Claus.
Your partner may not want to stay in London either.
Or one of you might get your dream job in Australia.
Or you might be run over next week.
Or you might both decide to stay together no matter what.
You're trying to work out what an imaginary person is going to want/think in a few years time.
There's more sense in believing in Santa Claus.
I know I guess I just don't want to waste my time or end up heartbroken but the truth is I just have to face the uncertainty.
The thing is, when you do enter a meaningful relationship, you'll grow together as well as individually. One of the things that successful relationships require are sacrifices and communicating these sacrifices.
Say you want to leave London but your partner doesn't, there are several scenarios that will play out:
A) A time plan has been established and you'll stay with him in London until they are done with whatever it is they are doing. You then move away.
B) Once again you have a time plan established but you agree that you can do long-distance until they are ready to leave (or you move there).
C) You both can't decide on the future so you either stay or try long-distance but don't have a plan in mind. This could go either way.
D) Neither of you wish to comprimise or settle on a plan and you break up because at that point in life you want different thigs.
See what I mean? You really can't worry about a future relationship outcome now. There are too many scenarios and really the easiest is too just take life as it comes. You may meet Mr Right at uni and be able to work through difficulties and be together forever. Or you may break up after university when you realise that your lives are going down two incompatible paths. But you'll both still have the memories and will probably have learnt so much from that relationship. Or you may not meet Mr Right at all whilst at uni.
Just take life as it comes. Don't force relationships but if something good comes along, don't fear it either just because of the various different things that may or may not happen in the future.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Say you want to leave London but your partner doesn't, there are several scenarios that will play out:
A) A time plan has been established and you'll stay with him in London until they are done with whatever it is they are doing. You then move away.
B) Once again you have a time plan established but you agree that you can do long-distance until they are ready to leave (or you move there).
C) You both can't decide on the future so you either stay or try long-distance but don't have a plan in mind. This could go either way.
D) Neither of you wish to comprimise or settle on a plan and you break up because at that point in life you want different thigs.
See what I mean? You really can't worry about a future relationship outcome now. There are too many scenarios and really the easiest is too just take life as it comes. You may meet Mr Right at uni and be able to work through difficulties and be together forever. Or you may break up after university when you realise that your lives are going down two incompatible paths. But you'll both still have the memories and will probably have learnt so much from that relationship. Or you may not meet Mr Right at all whilst at uni.
Just take life as it comes. Don't force relationships but if something good comes along, don't fear it either just because of the various different things that may or may not happen in the future.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I've always attended lots at uni but it seems most guys are either taken or just want to hook up (or both!) which is not my cup of tea. I think I may have to branch to events outside of uni.
Correct - being more diverse in your social reach (by volunteering, playing team sports etc.) will only help your social skills, even if you're fine with not socialising all the time.
I would stay clear from online dating sites because, from a lot of female users' experience, you'll get the wrong kind of attention from minute one with loads of desperate and even more socially inept losers trying to get a quick shag from you. (even if you don't put your pic up)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone,
I've got another 2 years of uni left and I'd really like to find a relationship. The dilemma I'm having is that I study in London and I'm really unsure if I'd like to settle there ultimately mostly due to extornationate rent prices and not feeling at home one bit. I'm not ruling it out as a lot of jobs in the field I will be going into are in London, however ideally I would like to go elsewhere.
I would really like to settle down and find something that will last however with the uncertainty of where I will be after uni I wonder if I will just be setting myself up for heartbreak?
I can't imagine doing long distance after university for instance if I wanted to leave London and my future partner wanted to stay in London.
For this reason I wonder if I should just find a relationship which may only last a few years, rather than pressure myself into finding 'the one'.
What should I do? Am I overthinking? This is causing me a lot of anxiety.
I've got another 2 years of uni left and I'd really like to find a relationship. The dilemma I'm having is that I study in London and I'm really unsure if I'd like to settle there ultimately mostly due to extornationate rent prices and not feeling at home one bit. I'm not ruling it out as a lot of jobs in the field I will be going into are in London, however ideally I would like to go elsewhere.
I would really like to settle down and find something that will last however with the uncertainty of where I will be after uni I wonder if I will just be setting myself up for heartbreak?
I can't imagine doing long distance after university for instance if I wanted to leave London and my future partner wanted to stay in London.
For this reason I wonder if I should just find a relationship which may only last a few years, rather than pressure myself into finding 'the one'.
What should I do? Am I overthinking? This is causing me a lot of anxiety.
Life doesnt work like that.
Lots of people would be happy with a relationship that lasted a few years.
You might hvae to go through plenty of Mr wrong, Mr ok, but dull, Mr Wrong etc until you get to Mr Right. If you dont try then you will never find out.
If you find Mr Right, then where to live is a minor factor. This idea of the one is silly, there are plenty of potentials and if you find them, then there are lots of other factors , such as timing that come into play. Live your life and stip trying to organise it too much like some romantic film where you get to write the screenplay. If its good and it meets your needs stick with it, if its not then end it and find another.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes perhaps I am. I feel like in London some people are so fixed on their careers and the lifestyle in London they will never leave.
I m not a London fan myself but I m sure people do make the decision to leave.
Why not? I m doing it next year although mentally I might as well be in my 30s
Original post by claireestelle
Why not? I m doing it next year although mentally I might as well be in my 30s
Personal experience, but then again I should respect that other people have different experiences and as such marriage may be fine for them.
I appreciate that you respect differing opinions personally I think age is pretty subjective but mentality and where you are in life that matters more for getting married.
personally I think age is pretty subjective but mentality and where you are in life that matters more for getting married.Original post by claireestelle
I appreciate that you respect differing opinions personally I think age is pretty subjective but mentality and where you are in life that matters more for getting married.
personally I think age is pretty subjective but mentality and where you are in life that matters more for getting married.Definitely. I was actually ready for marriage but, well, circumstances changed. As long as people go into it with the right mentality then younger is fine, in my opinion.
Good luck with your wedding. Make sure you share the photos!
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