Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I will try cut it short;
    My younger brother got his AS result back. They were bad...all U's bad. He doesn't seem to have motivation to study or at least the motivation he does have isn't getting him anywhere. He was diagnosed as absentminded (don't remember the correct name or all the details) by a psychologist. He doesn't excel at much else, his only interest seems to be firearms (technical specifications and how they are put together, no mechanical details though as those are actually quite complicated). He thought he can study geography or something of that sort but the chances are virtually nil given the grades.
    Our family consists of our mother, himself and I (we have other relatives but we seldom get to see them for...reasons). Our mom is very supportive, more so to my younger brother than me as both of us know he needs it much more and is very concerned about his situation. She does not like the idea that he end up not attending uni and not getting an actual degree. We are also by no means financially disadvantaged, we live in Cyprus although we are Russian, we attend one of the best private school on our island, can afford luxury time to time etc. so a precarious household doesn't seem to be the issue either. We were essentially raised with equal opportunities. Our parents are separated but then again our father was never really around that much due to work.
    As I am leaving to university this September (I am into one year older than my brother) I wanted to ask for some advise on what could my brother do next? Retake the year? If he fails at that, what then? Can he go into some professional course that doesn't require a levels? How can he be motivated (I know it's a hard question as one needs to understand his psychology deeper for that)? Any input on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Bump
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I will try cut it short;
    My younger brother got his AS result back. They were bad...all U's bad. He doesn't seem to have motivation to study or at least the motivation he does have isn't getting him anywhere. He was diagnosed as absentminded (don't remember the correct name or all the details) by a psychologist. He doesn't excel at much else, his only interest seems to be firearms (technical specifications and how they are put together, no mechanical details though as those are actually quite complicated). He thought he can study geography or something of that sort but the chances are virtually nil given the grades.
    Our family consists of our mother, himself and I (we have other relatives but we seldom get to see them for...reasons). Our mom is very supportive, more so to my younger brother than me as both of us know he needs it much more and is very concerned about his situation. She does not like the idea that he end up not attending uni and not getting an actual degree. We are also by no means financially disadvantaged, we live in Cyprus although we are Russian, we attend one of the best private school on our island, can afford luxury time to time etc. so a precarious household doesn't seem to be the issue either. We were essentially raised with equal opportunities. Our parents are separated but then again our father was never really around that much due to work.
    As I am leaving to university this September (I am into one year older than my brother) I wanted to ask for some advise on what could my brother do next? Retake the year? If he fails at that, what then? Can he go into some professional course that doesn't require a levels? How can he be motivated (I know it's a hard question as one needs to understand his psychology deeper for that)? Any input on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
    This is not the best site to post this as it is a UK based site with few Cypriots or Russians. However what I would say is that only our brother will know what to do with his life, to a certain extent you can't really interfere and only suggest things. Perhaps you could find out some career opportunities that involve the use of firearms and show these to him.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    Did I read that correctly that you are in Cyprus? Will have a think whilst I am out, but you arent going to be able to get your brother to do anything he doesnt wish to or isnt motivated for. Your problem us he doesnt have any incetive to be motivated for anything. Once you deal with that then you cna look at the options, but you are going nowhere until he makes his mind up. Not going to Uni isnt the end of the world and its a waste of time unless he wants to go and will work to get his degree.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Did I read that correctly that you are in Cyprus? Will have a think whilst I am out, but you arent going to be able to get your brother to do anything he doesnt wish to or isnt motivated for. Your problem us he doesnt have any incetive to be motivated for anything. Once you deal with that then you cna look at the options, but you are going nowhere until he makes his mind up. Not going to Uni isnt the end of the world and its a waste of time unless he wants to go and will work to get his degree.
    What kind of incentive do you think one needs? It varies person to person, sure, but what can we do in this case? Do you think if he has all he wants he won't feel the need to do something? If that's the case then that won't work,my mother wants him to have all he wants (his wants are not colossal but I think it's the fact that he does get what he wants that made him so unmotivated) and restricting him hardly seems like a reasonable and dare I even say ethical solution.
    P.S. Yes you read correct, we are on Cyprus.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What kind of incentive do you think one needs? It varies person to person, sure, but what can we do in this case? Do you think if he has all he wants he won't feel the need to do something? If that's the case then that won't work,my mother wants him to have all he wants (his wants are not colossal but I think it's the fact that he does get what he wants that made him so unmotivated) and restricting him hardly seems like a reasonable and dare I even say ethical solution.
    P.S. Yes you read correct, we are on Cyprus.
    Yes thats one of the problems, there are no push factors for him to do anything. Wwe develop at different rates, so he needs talking and listening to. He needs to find himself a bit and work out who he is and if he wnats to amount to anything.

    Its very hard to comment without knowing him, but he needs a mentor or someone he cna discuss things with, without family trying to push him into things or organise his life. Does he tell either of you what he really thinks?

    Getting all he wants will just mean he doesnt have to make decisions and can carry on the way he is. Your mum might care and worry for him but she doesnt sound strong enough to tackle the issues and get him to sort some things out. All this is notwithstanding if he has any mental health difficulties. I get the impression A level flunking is due to non application rather than lack of ability.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe ask him what he wants to do. Go straight into a job.You mention firearms. Might he be interested in joining the Military; Army, Navy or Marines?
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    OK had a bit more of a think about this and it depends on your brother.

    He knows he has a fallback safety net where he gets what he wants, even if he doesnt do exams. Your mum loves him, gives him what he wants, so no real reason to budge.

    You are paying for a top private school, they should be engaging and finding out what he wants along with some career advice, but it doesnt sound like your brother has any direction. I cnat speak to him so I wouldnt know. Has anyone asked him?

    He might have personailiyu/ mentak issues.
    He might just lack direction.
    He might not be up to exams

    I dont know. What do this school say? He cna go to Uni later.

    Why not give him a time out and if he doesnt know what to do then let him do a gap year? He might grow up a bit then.
    If it was the UK then I might suggest something like Operation Raleigh or VSO where he can get away from the comforts you are providing with and he can just be a normal person. He soudns like he is being overindulged.

    https://www.vsointernational.org/

    https://raleighinternational.org/
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    OK had a bit more of a think about this and it depends on your brother.

    He knows he has a fallback safety net where he gets what he wants, even if he doesnt do exams. Your mum loves him, gives him what he wants, so no real reason to budge.

    You are paying for a top private school, they should be engaging and finding out what he wants along with some career advice, but it doesnt sound like your brother has any direction. I cnat speak to him so I wouldnt know. Has anyone asked him?

    He might have personailiyu/ mentak issues.
    He might just lack direction.
    He might not be up to exams

    I dont know. What do this school say? He cna go to Uni later.

    Why not give him a time out and if he doesnt know what to do then let him do a gap year? He might grow up a bit then.
    If it was the UK then I might suggest something like Operation Raleigh or VSO where he can get away from the comforts you are providing with and he can just be a normal person. He soudns like he is being overindulged.

    https://www.vsointernational.org/

    https://raleighinternational.org/
    The overindulging is an issue i a very much aware of, it's only because both our parents come from disadvantaged backgrounds so they want to give their kids what they didn't have. Yes, I understand all too well that it leads to a laid back (spoilt) attitude and approach to life.
    Top in Cyprus doesn't mean it's a good school for student counseling. Teachers talk to him and to me (which is always quite painful to hear) and even arranged some meetings with my mother.
    I can't change the way my mom feels, but i can give her ideas for thought. That was the point of this question/thread.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The overindulging is an issue i a very much aware of, it's only because both our parents come from disadvantaged backgrounds so they want to give their kids what they didn't have. Yes, I understand all too well that it leads to a laid back (spoilt) attitude and approach to life.
    Top in Cyprus doesn't mean it's a good school for student counseling. Teachers talk to him and to me (which is always quite painful to hear) and even arranged some meetings with my mother.
    I can't change the way my mom feels, but i can give her ideas for thought. That was the point of this question/thread.
    I think I am pretty much on point. It really has to be dealt with by someone talking to your brother and listening to what he wants. If he is string willed, then it seems like your mum makes the situation worse by pandering to him rather than challenging. Thats why one of those organisations would be good so he could stand on his own two feet. he could then go to uni at a later date.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    unfortunately it's hard to realise how important education is until you're in the workforce without it and struggling... and you can't force a 17 year old to understand how important their exams are if they don't care

    he obviously needs to resit but if he fails again there isn't much you can do except encourage him to start working and hopefully at some point he realises he made a mistake and perhaps if your family are wealthy he can go back to studying then
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 22, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.