The Student Room Group

How can i help her?

This girl (about 13 i think she is) is talking to me via msn (she added me from another forum i visit) and shes hurting herself, i think mainly over bullying at school. Im trying to help her, but i dont really know what to say to her. Ive tryed to get to her tell someone in the life.. parents.. and adult she trusts, someone at school etc, but she doesnt want to. She keeps saying that is silly and shes not worth it.
I wanna help her, i dont want to hear that shes hurting herself, but in reality what can i do?? I only have her email address as contact.

Should i really be worrying myself with this? :s-smilie:
cabbage
This girl (about 13 i think she is) is talking to me via msn (she added me from another forum i visit) and shes hurting herself, i think mainly over bullying at school. Im trying to help her, but i dont really know what to say to her. Ive tryed to get to her tell someone in the life.. parents.. and adult she trusts, someone at school etc, but she doesnt want to. She keeps saying that is silly and shes not worth it.
I wanna help her, i dont want to hear that shes hurting herself, but in reality what can i do?? I only have her email address as contact.

Should i really be worrying myself with this? :s-smilie:


In this situation there are most definitely two kinds of people; those who care, those who don't. It's obvious that you care, but for starters I just want to say that I personally wouldn't let myself get too involved, especially if the only contact you have ever had and will ever have is via the internet. Of course, this could all very well be true, but it could also be a hoax, but that's not the only reason. A person can only give so much of themself to someone in need of help - the most important person, is you - and I think that a person can give even less of themself when the situation is one like this. Also there's the age thing, you said the girl who contacted you is thirteen, but how old are you? That can be a rhetorical question if you so wish.

Down to the actual question and answer; I'm afraid that all you can do, I think, is to listen to her, and give your opinions (when needed/suitable and not in a pushy way). However, if you feel that you can't do this, don't not tell her, it would be best if she knew and you could possibly both talk the situation through. It some cases, it is best for people to talk to those who they don't know or have to face everyday, but if you don't want to be that kinda person for her, you don't have to be.

I'll try to give as much help as I can.
Yea exactly, please please dont just give up. Ofcourse you dont have to, but you are probably helping her loads. She obviously feels she can trust you... and it sounds cynical... but use that trust... get her to understand your opinions and keep trying to talk her into telling somoene.
Reply 3
bloodredbeat
It some cases, it is best for people to talk to those who they don't know or have to face everyday,

I'll try to give as much help as I can.

yeah i was thinking that, i know i talk to random people about things sometimes, to get an outside view.



Thanks for the advice :smile: i think i helped her a bit, she seems a lot happier for now, i just hope she stays that way!
cabbage
yeah i was thinking that, i know i talk to random people about things sometimes, to get an outside view.


Thanks for the advice :smile: i think i helped her a bit, she seems a lot happier for now, i just hope she stays that way!


I'm glad you can understand what I was tryna say.

You might find that she has very up and down says but if you stick by her through the bad times, the good will come through thicker and more often.

Will you keep us updated with what goes on? She has you to turn to, and you have us. Remember that.
Reply 5
All I would say to you is that you haven't been instructed with some sacred duty here and I, for one, wouldn't any less of you if you threw your hands up and said it was more than you can deal with. Fact is, if she is self-harming she has a mental health issue and it may take someone with professional training to get this dealt with. So if you do feel like you're failing or that you can't cope, refer her on and don't feel bad about it. You'll be doing her and yourself a favour.
Reply 6
I know its really hard. You just need to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, and try to distract her when she's depressed so she's talking to you rather than self harming. I've been in a similar situation a couple of times and i know its not nice.

Good luck. Hope she gets over it/.