How mental illness has destroyed my family

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    To give you a back ground my Dad is Canadian and my mum British. The divorce when I was 16 and brother was 14, I want to stay here with my mother while younger brother went to Canada with my dad we visited each back and forth over the years. My brother is now 20 year and over the last year my father has stated that my brother has shown signs of depression and mental illness. What hurts the most is the events that has followed. Every time I speak to father he is negative and shows no interest in helping my brother. My father always say my brother went from a prefect kid to a complete "weirdo" and everyone is my family (my father's family) have outcast him because of some of the things my father told them about my brother mental state (my father says my brother has this weird laughing, hides in the closet, acts like her being punished when he's not, sleeps till 1pm and etc). When I first heard I was in denial and when I saw him last Christmas it was obvious that he's was unhappy and depress. My father tried to get my brother to seek help, but my brother is telling me nothing is wrong with him. When my father finally got my brother to mental clinic the doctor conducted a number of test and stated he only has depression. Father has stated my brother hasn't taken any of the pills and brother he's constantly loosing jobs. My Dad would get into physical fights with my brother and in May I received a call from a hospital/police in Canada stated that my father had broken my brother's nose and no one in my family there wanted my brother to spend the night with them. This has caused me and my mother a great deal of stress since we're so far away. Brother in the ended up spending 2 weeks with a long lost cousin whom he meet when he was 16. However that was temporarily and he later spent 14 days in a shelter and now my cousin the only person who initially helped him is telling me he's living on the streets and she worry sick because the last time she spoke he didn't make sense and she almost felt afraid that he might harm himself. My brother can't stay with her because her landlord would charge more money for rent if he lives with her and children and she can't afford that. My mother wants go to Canada but she can't travel because she recently did a surgery which leaves me who works in retail have just graduated three weeks ago. What hurts is that my uncle,aunt, father and grandfather all have refused to help my brother and father wants nothing to do with him. I'm planning on going over there but I'm nervous and scared at the same time and I feel like I failed him because he sent a birthday gift 5 months ago in a letter and he wrote about things from our childhood and sometimes I wonder if that's what triggered him. His letter stated that he forgave me for leaving him when I was truly the only person that care for him even saying it makes me cry. What should I do? I has my brother mental illness completely destroyed my family.
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    I totally appreciate your worry Anonymous, but when you parents separated in the past and your brother went to Canada with your father.....you both had no say really over the decision, as you were children at that time. It's the parents responsibility to make those decisions and if you are trying to carry that burden like a bag with rotten potatoes is not beneficial to you.
    I totally understand you and your brother have a strong connection and your brother suffered depression as a result of the separation....BUT...this is not your fault! Neither his!
    It dosn't sound that your father has done the right choices in upbringing your brother either.
    All you can do is see how you can help your brother with rebuilding your relationship and help him through recovery if this is what you are prepared to do! Maybe going together for some family counselling sessions and your brother getting involved with a wellbeing practitioner it could be of some help.
    Don't dwell on it. Past can not be changed, but you both can make the right choices now and benefit your future.
    Hope this helps!
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MountainSpirit)
    I totally appreciate your worry Anonymous, but when you parents separated in the past and your brother went to Canada with your father.....you both had no say really over the decision, as you were children at that time. It's the parents responsibility to make those decisions and if you are trying to carry that burden like a bag with rotten potatoes is not beneficial to you.
    I totally understand you and your brother have a strong connection and your brother suffered depression as a result of the separation....BUT...this is not your fault! Neither his!
    It dosn't sound that your father has done the right choices in upbringing your brother either.
    All you can do is see how you can help your brother with rebuilding your relationship and help him through recovery if this is what you are prepared to do! Maybe going together for some family counselling sessions and your brother getting involved with a wellbeing practitioner it could be of some help.
    Don't dwell on it. Past can not be changed, but you both can make the right choices now and benefit your future.
    Hope this helps!
    I was thinking about going to counselling with him and I'm trying to stay positive but I just don't want anything to happen to him and I've been having nightmares, I don't why everyone has turn on him when he didn't hurt anyone. When brother was 16 for 2 years he was one of the only family that helped to take care of my grandmother who had Parkinson disease they praise him for being a good kid with good grades, in sport, family oriented. Now when he needs help no is there for him.
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    can you club together for your brother to fly back to the UK and live with you guys?
 
 
 
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