Downward Spiral

Anonymous

My job (much as I love it) is really stressful just now because it's the busiest time in the calendar for this particular line of work.

Are you a bookseller?

Reply 2

King Hippo

9

englishstudent

Are you a bookseller?

If he was this'd be a "Potential Trigger" for sure. :biggrin:

Reply 3

I know how you feel. I also am the same, in that, I go out of my way to be a polite, well-mannered, considerate person. People are always flocking to me with their problems, and I can solve theirs fairly easily, but when it comes to my own...not the same story, unfortunately :frown:

Everyone goes through "bad patches" as it were, what you are experiencing is probably a combination of your personal problems and the **** British Summer we are having this year! :smile:

Anyway, on a more serious note. I really do sympathise that this girl cannot see how devoted to your job and mature you obviously are- I only wish there were more gentlemanly people like you around!! If she fails to understand this, which one of your major personality traits, then she fails to understand you. And if she fails to do that, maybe she's not the right one?

Whatever you do, try not to let your problems change the way you act. You'll appear a lot more dignified and generally a more pleasant person to be around, and more people will appreciate this.

You once again seem a lot like me in that you really need people's company to feel secure. I am exactly the same, I need to constantly have compnay and interact with others, but a little time out every so often won't do any harm. Go walking by yourself, it doesn;t matter where. Do something you really enjoy, eg. reading, yoga, painting etc. I usually cook when I want a bit of "me" time. This lack of "me time" may well be the root cause of your tension, which is unfortunately being vented on those close to you.

Basically, if I had this problem, and I had posted it here instead of you, how would you advise me?

-Nikki :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

redballoons

I know how you feel. I also am the same, in that, I go out of my way to be a polite, well-mannered, considerate person. People are always flocking to me with their problems, and I can solve theirs fairly easily, but when it comes to my own...not the same story, unfortunately :frown:

Everyone goes through "bad patches" as it were, what you are experiencing is probably a combination of your personal problems and the **** British Summer we are having this year! :smile:

Anyway, on a more serious note. I really do sympathise that this girl cannot see how devoted to your job and mature you obviously are- I only wish there were more gentlemanly people like you around!! If she fails to understand this, which one of your major personality traits, then she fails to understand you. And if she fails to do that, maybe she's not the right one?

Whatever you do, try not to let your problems change the way you act. You'll appear a lot more dignified and generally a more pleasant person to be around, and more people will appreciate this.

You once again seem a lot like me in that you really need people's company to feel secure. I am exactly the same, I need to constantly have compnay and interact with others, but a little time out every so often won't do any harm. Go walking by yourself, it doesn;t matter where. Do something you really enjoy, eg. reading, yoga, painting etc. I usually cook when I want a bit of "me" time. This lack of "me time" may well be the root cause of your tension, which is unfortunately being vented on those close to you.

Basically, if I had this problem, and I had posted it here instead of you, how would you advise me?

-Nikki :smile:

Thanks for the advice Nikki. :smile:

I can relate to everything you're saying except the thing about me needing people's company to feel secure. I do enjoy being in the presence of other people, but only if I know I'm helping in some way, be it helping them smile, helping them cheer up, whatever. When I'm on my own I can be very content just watching a DVD or playing my Xbox, in fact I quite enjoy sitting in my room and doing nothing. It's only when I come on forums and interact with idiots who only come on to put other people down in an attempt to inflate their own ego that I snap.

I think the main problem is that I'm never happy unless I know I'm making other people happy. I'm always making jokes when I'm with my friends, buying elaborate presents for people, helping others out when they have problems, making little YouTube videos so that I can read the comments from people who said it made them laugh. When I go and see comedies at the cinema, I have to go on opening night so it's nice and full, because I get more enjoyment out of hearing other people laugh than watching the film myself. :redface:

So the recent stuff that's been happening (my friend saying they don't trust me 100%, that girl telling me that I can't support a family, the rude people on forums) is hitting me pretty hard, because I'm starting to feel that I'm not satisfying people any more. My friend is no longer fully satisfied with the help I'm giving them, the girl is not satisfied that I'd be able to provide for her in the future, and the people on the forum are not satisifed that I'm the genuinely nice person I try to be.

In other words, I am only happy when I'm making other people happy. But now the other people are starting to seem less happy, and the one thing I live for is starting to fall apart. :frown:

Reply 5

Lateralus

Anonymous

Put simply, I feel useless. How the hell can I pick myself up, guys? I don't like who I'm becoming. :frown:

Anonymous, I get this every month. Any person who is willing to listen on MSN becomes an unwitting victim of my constant barrage of pain and sorrow and how I'm not that great.

You're not the only person who gets stressed at work aswell - everybody does. Its normal. Serving the general public (aka. top class ******s) and trying to do exams almost sent me over the edge. However, it will all go away.

I don't I trust anybody 100%. Not even my closest friends. You're lucky to have someone that trusts you 99% of the time.

Reply 6

Anonymous

Thanks for the advice Nikki. :smile:

I can relate to everything you're saying except the thing about me needing people's company to feel secure. I do enjoy being in the presence of other people, but only if I know I'm helping in some way, be it helping them smile, helping them cheer up, whatever. When I'm on my own I can be very content just watching a DVD or playing my Xbox, in fact I quite enjoy sitting in my room and doing nothing. It's only when I come on forums and interact with idiots who only come on to put other people down in an attempt to inflate their own ego that I snap.

I think the main problem is that I'm never happy unless I know I'm making other people happy. I'm always making jokes when I'm with my friends, buying elaborate presents for people, helping others out when they have problems, making little YouTube videos so that I can read the comments from people who said it made them laugh. When I go and see comedies at the cinema, I have to go on opening night so it's nice and full, because I get more enjoyment out of hearing other people laugh than watching the film myself. :redface:

So the recent stuff that's been happening (my friend saying they don't trust me 100%, that girl telling me that I can't support a family, the rude people on forums) is hitting me pretty hard, because I'm starting to feel that I'm not satisfying people any more. My friend is no longer fully satisfied with the help I'm giving them, the girl is not satisfied that I'd be able to provide for her in the future, and the people on the forum are not satisifed that I'm the genuinely nice person I try to be.

In other words, I am only happy when I'm making other people happy. But now the other people are starting to seem less happy, and the one thing I live for is starting to fall apart. :frown:

This may sound cheesy, but you sound like a beautiful person. Personality wise that is. Just being frank here.
You sound so similar to me in some ways it's weird...
Say if a friend and I fall out, I will always be the first to apologise and panic in case I've done something wrong...something out of character, even if I haven't actually done anything. This relates directly to what you said about some people seeing you as a "pussy". The aforementioned friend called me "soft" and "too nice" and also "like a giant marshmallow", and "unable to stand up for myself" simply beacuse I was concerned that I'd hurt her, and wanted to correct my ways, and therefore apologised first. Just because I didn;t want an argument...

A lot of people also say that I'm treated as a doormat. I don't know if this is true but sometimes I do wonder if people are taking advantage of the fact I go out of my to help them.

Another way to look at it is this. There are 6 billion people in the world. We as humans meet on average, I'm guessing, 5,000 people in our lives. Out of these 5,000 people, it is highly unlikely that all of them will like you. 'Fraid to say it, but some people simply may not understand your good intentions (like this girl), or may feel irritated as if you are "mothering" them by looking after them and caring for them.

If these so-called idiots come onto forums to inflate their own egos, as you so rightly put it, then let them be. Neg rep them if you really must :p:

, but dont be rude as this obviously isn't part of your personality. If you do, you're just stooping down to their level. That's why i avoid arguments at all costs. Some people, call me a pussy if you must...but I jsut dont want to hurt others.

If you continue to be yourself, and don't treat the girl any differently, then maybe she, and others, will understand you more. Don't change for anyone!

:smile:

you can pm me if u wish, too.

Reply 7

Don John

I've just browsed this post, and can I just say I am in awe of the support people are willing to give each other - it's simply breathtaking... something I'm only used to in movies, and most of the people I know in real life wouldn't give a dime for me...

Well done, guys :p:

Reply 8

Don John

I've just browsed this post, and can I just say I am in awe of the support people are willing to give each other - it's simply breathtaking... something I'm only used to in movies, and most of the people I know in real life wouldn't give a dime for me...

Well done, guys :p:

Thanks, you :smile:

Reply 9

King Hippo

9

Don John

I've just browsed this post, and can I just say I am in awe of the support people are willing to give each other - it's simply breathtaking... something I'm only used to in movies, and most of the people I know in real life wouldn't give a dime for me...

Well done, guys :p:

Take it from me mate, it's not always like this. :biggrin:

I've experienced some of the put-down merchants that the OP is on about, but I'm glad to see he's getting help here.

Reply 10

invisible_gal

Hey OP
Sounds like you've spent so much of your time being there for everyone else that you've neglected yourself. Have you talked about to this to any of your friends, particularly the girl or your mate who you've been there for? You've clearly been there for them, so ask them if they could try for a while to be there for you when you need them.

I know it must hurt that this friend feels they cant trust you 100% but 99% is pretty close, a lot of people find it hard to trust another person completely so 99% is very high! But maybe by telling them about this, you're opening to them, making yourself more vulnerable to them and they might learn to trust you completely - sorry if I'm going on here, pretty sure I am but it's late!

I used to be a bit like you with the living to please other people, but it crashed around because I became somehow too reliant on other people's happiness or something. Focus on yourself for a while, then focus on others because the only person you can trust 100% is yourself I think. Sorry if anyone thinks that's harsh.

*hug* sounds like you need one.

Reply 11

gracie88

14

I'm feeling like a large trodden down doormat at the moment. I always apologise first because i hate to believe i'm hurting somebody and don't like arguments. I'm always saying oh it's my fault that x is mad, i must of done something wrong. I've just had somebody i thought loved me walk all over me and walk away with a large sum of money too.

I'm like you OP, polite. It's how i was brought up but at the moment it's just getting me hurt.

Reply 12

gracie88

I'm feeling like a large trodden down doormat at the moment. I always apologise first because i hate to believe i'm hurting somebody and don't like arguments. I'm always saying oh it's my fault that x is mad, i must of done something wrong. I've just had somebody i thought loved me walk all over me and walk away with a large sum of money too.

I'm like you OP, polite. It's how i was brought up but at the moment it's just getting me hurt.

Ditto, iz vot I say :smile:

Reply 13

Don John

The main positive of being at the bottom is... the only way you can go is up! :p:

Paul McKenna's books and CD's do wonders :cool:

Reply 14

Don John

As silly and pathetic as I sound, I became a different person after using them...

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

redballoons

This may sound cheesy, but you sound like a beautiful person. Personality wise that is. Just being frank here.
You sound so similar to me in some ways it's weird...
Say if a friend and I fall out, I will always be the first to apologise and panic in case I've done something wrong...something out of character, even if I haven't actually done anything. This relates directly to what you said about some people seeing you as a "pussy". The aforementioned friend called me "soft" and "too nice" and also "like a giant marshmallow", and "unable to stand up for myself" simply beacuse I was concerned that I'd hurt her, and wanted to correct my ways, and therefore apologised first. Just because I didn;t want an argument...

A lot of people also say that I'm treated as a doormat. I don't know if this is true but sometimes I do wonder if people are taking advantage of the fact I go out of my to help them.

It's really strange, I could copy and paste the above as my own words and it'd be exactly my situation.

Thank you, you've cheered me up a bit. It's good to know that there are other people like me, I thought I was just a sap. :biggrin:

Reply 16

Don John

The main positive of being at the bottom is... the only way you can go is up! :p:

Paul McKenna's books and CD's do wonders :cool:

Wow, there was a series on TV a while ago wasnt there?
Looked really interesting but somehow I never got round to watching it. :s-smilie:

Reply 17