The Student Room Group

What could be wrong with me?

anon because I dont want the people who I know on here to know about this.

So for the last bout 5 yrs something has been wrong with me. Im generaly a quiet person, but used to be out going as well.
I've had thoughts about suicide for that 5 yrs and still do on a regualr basis, think about how and when. I have no friends anymore. People dont seem to like me. I only like to stay home.
I try to avoid social situations as much as possible, just going to uni each day is hard enough, because I am alone all day. I cry alot, i hate my life. Many people say this is a phase but I know it isnt. Ive thought i might have depression, but i am uncertain as ive never spoke to a professional before. I cannot tell my parents (so dont tell me to pls). I have no one to tell how I feel.
I started cutting a few months back. Its my way to release my inner pain. I thought i had depression but im not sure. It seems as though you must have some big life trauma happen to you for this. But nothing has happened to be, ive never been abused or had a bad family or a death or anything like the 'norm' so I dont know why this has happened to me.

Im getting sick of feeling down ALL the time. I dont even know if i want help. I dont like to feel happy. I like being sad, i want my life to be ended, but i dont know. I would find it extremely hard to tell say, a counsellor. What the hell would i say?! people wouldnt believe me, there is no proof.
Ideas please anyone?

Reply 1

That does sound like depression to me.
I know it's difficult, but help is the best option. Is there someone you could talk to who could pass the problem onto a doctor or a counsellor? That way it might be easier for you.
You don't really have to say much. I just said, "I think I'm depressed." and my doctor said she could tell from my facial expressions. So, there is proof :smile:

Reply 2

I know exactly how you feel. Im completely alone too.

Reply 3

Make a doctors appointment asap.

Reply 4

yea head to the doctors.

might be the most sickening feeling you'll ever have explaining it to a doctor but as soon as you leave the surgery i suspect you'll be feeling a lot better.

Reply 5

Yeah, I'll ditto the guys saying that you should go to the doctors. I understand it's difficult, but it is the best way to start recovering.

:hugs: If you ever want to talk then there's a few people who are more than happy to listen. I hope it all goes well for you and you can start to feel better soon.

Reply 6

Anonymous
anon because I dont want the people who I know on here to know about this.

So for the last bout 5 yrs something has been wrong with me. Im generaly a quiet person, but used to be out going as well.
I've had thoughts about suicide for that 5 yrs and still do on a regualr basis, think about how and when. I have no friends anymore. People dont seem to like me. I only like to stay home.
I try to avoid social situations as much as possible, just going to uni each day is hard enough, because I am alone all day. I cry alot, i hate my life. Many people say this is a phase but I know it isnt. Ive thought i might have depression, but i am uncertain as ive never spoke to a professional before. I cannot tell my parents (so dont tell me to pls). I have no one to tell how I feel.
I started cutting a few months back. Its my way to release my inner pain. I thought i had depression but im not sure. It seems as though you must have some big life trauma happen to you for this. But nothing has happened to be, ive never been abused or had a bad family or a death or anything like the 'norm' so I dont know why this has happened to me.

Im getting sick of feeling down ALL the time. I dont even know if i want help. I dont like to feel happy. I like being sad, i want my life to be ended, but i dont know. I would find it extremely hard to tell say, a counsellor. What the hell would i say?! people wouldnt believe me, there is no proof.
Ideas please anyone?


I should if i was you , try speaking to someone who you trust or see a prof!!

Reply 7

You say that people don't like you, and I think that is the root of all issues. People don't like because you may have a habbit people don't appreciate and you are unaware of it.

Can you tell us how you realised people don't like you and try to remember something in common between them?

Reply 8

Sure sounds like depression to me :smile: The self harm is a different issue though, and you will need more than pills.

Don't worry about not being able to prove how you feel to whomever you see, it's their job to sort you out, not quiz you!

As for people not liking you, it's likely you're simply reading everything that way. It's hard to spot the distortion you apply to these situations on your own, but you should be able to see your way out of it with help. See a doctor, ask to be referred to a therapist and DO tell him/her why. Don't make the mistake many people in your situation do of thinking you aren't worth their time or some nonsense. Remember, they are in that job to get you better!

When I had problems of my own I put myself off seeing my doctor about it for aaages because I was convinced he'd basically laugh at me. Of course, he didn't and I'm all better now.

Sooner you get some help, the sooner you can get on with your life. There's a lot of good out there too you know.

Reply 9

DodgyTrousers
Sure sounds like depression to me :smile: The self harm is a different issue though, and you will need more than pills.

Don't worry about not being able to prove how you feel to whomever you see, it's their job to sort you out, not quiz you!

As for people not liking you, it's likely you're simply reading everything that way. It's hard to spot the distortion you apply to these situations on your own, but you should be able to see your way out of it with help. See a doctor, ask to be referred to a therapist and DO tell him/her why. Don't make the mistake many people in your situation do of thinking you aren't worth their time or some nonsense. Remember, they are in that job to get you better!

When I had problems of my own I put myself off seeing my doctor about it for aaages because I was convinced he'd basically laugh at me. Of course, he didn't and I'm all better now.

Sooner you get some help, the sooner you can get on with your life. There's a lot of good out there too you know.

:dito:

That's good advice. Once when I went to my GP about my depression I thought he would just laugh at me and think I was being a hypochondriac. That particular time it was a combination of insomnia (which I thought people could make up just to get sleeping pills, and that actually was not what I wanted to do) and suicidal thoughts (which he can't see what I'm thinking so I thought he would think I was just making it up). Then there were loads of times when I didn't feel worthy and thought I was just wasting his time. The time I described above, I sort of apologised for wasting his time by saying something along the lines of "I'm not ill, I'm suicidal. Perhaps it's better if I go and you can give your time to someone who wants to live". My best friend, who came with me for moral support went a bit mad at me saying that I had just as much right to get a doctors appointment as anyone else and that nobody was going to die just because I had taken the time to see my GP.

Reply 10

Whatever you have, staying in and not making an effort to make friends can't help.

Reply 11

Worst thing you can ever do is bottle it inside and not talk to anyone about it. Really good advice was already given so, good luck.

As for releasing pain or so, it helped me a few years back to play tennis and go to the gym, so i don't know if it will work but consider doing some sort of sport or even weights at home.

Reply 12

Definitely see a doctor but until then, try distracting yourself cos it's often when people are alone that they have more time to think about sad things.