anon because I dont want the people who I know on here to know about this.
So for the last bout 5 yrs something has been wrong with me. Im generaly a quiet person, but used to be out going as well.
I've had thoughts about suicide for that 5 yrs and still do on a regualr basis, think about how and when. I have no friends anymore. People dont seem to like me. I only like to stay home.
I try to avoid social situations as much as possible, just going to uni each day is hard enough, because I am alone all day. I cry alot, i hate my life. Many people say this is a phase but I know it isnt. Ive thought i might have depression, but i am uncertain as ive never spoke to a professional before. I cannot tell my parents (so dont tell me to pls). I have no one to tell how I feel.
I started cutting a few months back. Its my way to release my inner pain. I thought i had depression but im not sure. It seems as though you must have some big life trauma happen to you for this. But nothing has happened to be, ive never been abused or had a bad family or a death or anything like the 'norm' so I dont know why this has happened to me.
Im getting sick of feeling down ALL the time. I dont even know if i want help. I dont like to feel happy. I like being sad, i want my life to be ended, but i dont know. I would find it extremely hard to tell say, a counsellor. What the hell would i say?! people wouldnt believe me, there is no proof.
Ideas please anyone?