The Student Room Group
:hugs:

Unfortunately I can't really offer advice, but I am in a similar situation. I can never start conversations, even with people I know. My low confidence is only in social situations though. I can get up on a stage and make a speech to loads of people without problems.
Reply 2
I think the moral of the story is: state school ftw.
Reply 3
When you find out the answer give it to me cos I used be really talkive when I was a tiny chap and now I'm scared to talk to people I don't know.
Reply 4
I too don't like going out with somebody when they have all of their friends, but there's no harm in it. When i feel low in confidence i try to think about the good things about myself, things to be proud of...and it makes me feel better than others, maybe it's not right but it helps me.

Surely you like things about yourself?
If only there was one standard answer to this :frown:
I've come to realsie that I'm terrified of any social situation, due to such lack in confidence.

So0meone give me the answer!
Reply 6
find things that boost your morale.
:hugs:

I think just try to take small steps at a time; try to challenge yourself to a new (and possibly daunting) social situation every week and the more you do it the more relaxed you will probably become. But dont beat yourself up about it! I think everyone gets a little nervous/ uneasy if they are going out with a group of people they dont know very well but they can just hide it better than others!

PM if you want a chat :smile:
JellyBelly2007
Basically, I have very low confidence. What knocked my confidence was when I was about 7, I was at a great primary school which had great pupils and teachers. I had loads of friends and was a really confident person. My mum then decided to move me to a private school - it happened very quickly. I left my first primary school for the holidays expecting to go back, which I didn't, as I ended up at this new school instead. I didn't click with anyone, my confidence was knocked completely, I just didn't want to be there, I pretended to be ill so I could go home. I was so miserable. As years passed on, I had problmes with friends, and was bullied - which i never spoke to anyone about.

Since then, I've always had low confidence. I find social situations very difficult to handle. With my bf for example, I've cancelled plans to go out with him and his friends as he is part of a large group purely cause i'm scared. I don't know what to say as I don't like being centre of attention. I'm not looking for sympathy, just advice on how I can handle social situations more, and also I'd like to hear from some of you who may have been in a similar situation, or are in this situation now


I know exactly how you feel, I've always been the same. Although i didn't go to a private school i was still bullied alot and have very low confidence now, and like you've said ive avoid several social situations with both my current boyfriend and when i was with my ex just because i was scared of it. I think as many people have said you just need to find good things about it and about yourself and slowly build your confidence.
Especially with my boyfriend now I've improved alot because he knows i get freaked and i worry alot so he kinda eased me into it, introduced me to people more individually and got me more used to it. but sometimes you really just need to go for it and take a chance because every time for me its worked out and has given a massive confidence boost.
Reply 9
I want to offer my suggestions here for how to go about this; as I've noticed nobody here has yet responded to the question, but there are a lot of you feeling this way.
Until a year ago, I was exactly the same, due to various things during my childhood. I couldn't talk to anyone and had no friends.
However, towards the end of last summer I just told myself that I was going to change, and, although that sounds like it wouldn't do anything, it did help. Changing your state of mind is the answer. Instead of thinking of yourself as shy, force yourself into situations that scare you.
For me, this started as staying in the Sixth Form at lunchtimes instead of leaving due to my nerves, meaning that I was surrounded by people at a time when I had the potential to talk to them, and slowly I became more accepted which then boosted my confidence. Over the summer, I went to the pub on my own in the hope that classmates were there, and if they were, they let me sit with them which again had the same effect.
This increased my confidence at first, and from then on I chose to just dive into any social situation I could; now when I meet a new person, I don't approach them as though they're someone I've not met - I find it easier to meet a new person by pretending that they're already my friend - I talk to them as though I know them already, without asking the basics, and these facts fill themselves in automatically in time - it's easier than worrying about starting up a new conversation.
I'd now consider myself a really confident person; I've lost all the shyness I used to have, and I'm continuing to push the boundaries socially to make this go further.
I hope some of that helps; because just because you're shy now, there are ways to change that, it's not an inbuilt thing.
luky that iam a male

i can meet any stranger off the street and I can easily start a conversation about football and talk about man utd being such a **** team
Cushti
I think the moral of the story is: state school ftw.


You socialists don't ever stop!

In answer to the OP - Read some Nietzsche.

Oddly, that seems to be my advice for everyones problems recently.
Reply 12
cpj1987
I want to offer my suggestions here for how to go about this; as I've noticed nobody here has yet responded to the question, but there are a lot of you feeling this way.
Until a year ago, I was exactly the same, due to various things during my childhood. I couldn't talk to anyone and had no friends.
However, towards the end of last summer I just told myself that I was going to change, and, although that sounds like it wouldn't do anything, it did help. Changing your state of mind is the answer. Instead of thinking of yourself as shy, force yourself into situations that scare you.
For me, this started as staying in the Sixth Form at lunchtimes instead of leaving due to my nerves, meaning that I was surrounded by people at a time when I had the potential to talk to them, and slowly I became more accepted which then boosted my confidence. Over the summer, I went to the pub on my own in the hope that classmates were there, and if they were, they let me sit with them which again had the same effect.
This increased my confidence at first, and from then on I chose to just dive into any social situation I could; now when I meet a new person, I don't approach them as though they're someone I've not met - I find it easier to meet a new person by pretending that they're already my friend - I talk to them as though I know them already, without asking the basics, and these facts fill themselves in automatically in time - it's easier than worrying about starting up a new conversation.
I'd now consider myself a really confident person; I've lost all the shyness I used to have, and I'm continuing to push the boundaries socially to make this go further.
I hope some of that helps; because just because you're shy now, there are ways to change that, it's not an inbuilt thing.


Excellent stuff - very good advice, and that's a great success story for you. Expect some positive rep shortly!
Reply 13
Jossyboy45
Excellent stuff - very good advice, and that's a great success story for you. Expect some positive rep shortly!


Aw thanks very much, appreciate it.
I'm just glad I could help.
If anyone wants anyone to talk to about this, send me a PM and I'll see if I can help out more. :smile:
JellyBelly2007
I've cancelled plans to go out with him and his friends as he is part of a large group purely cause i'm scared.


I know what you mean. Sometimes it's hard to go out and be talkative with people you don't know. However, there are some wonderful people out there and you'll be able to talk with them, no problems! :smile: If you're scared about being 'alone' in a group situation, why not ask a friend to go with you? Also, your boyfriend wouldn't ask you along with his friends if he was just going to leave you alone!

If you're lacking confidence, join a club! And if you can, join the committee, so you're an 'active' member. I did this and I am now able to socialize with people a lot better now :smile: When I first started uni, I didn't know anyone. I made myself say 'hi' to people, or I'd just sit next to them in lectures. I said hi to one guy in a lift in week 1 and we still talk! Once you do this more and more,you'll find it much easier, you'll boost your confidence and hopefully make some new acquaintances!
Reply 16
cpj1987
I want to offer my suggestions here for how to go about this; as I've noticed nobody here has yet responded to the question, but there are a lot of you feeling this way.
Until a year ago, I was exactly the same, due to various things during my childhood. I couldn't talk to anyone and had no friends.
However, towards the end of last summer I just told myself that I was going to change, and, although that sounds like it wouldn't do anything, it did help. Changing your state of mind is the answer. Instead of thinking of yourself as shy, force yourself into situations that scare you.
For me, this started as staying in the Sixth Form at lunchtimes instead of leaving due to my nerves, meaning that I was surrounded by people at a time when I had the potential to talk to them, and slowly I became more accepted which then boosted my confidence. Over the summer, I went to the pub on my own in the hope that classmates were there, and if they were, they let me sit with them which again had the same effect.
This increased my confidence at first, and from then on I chose to just dive into any social situation I could; now when I meet a new person, I don't approach them as though they're someone I've not met - I find it easier to meet a new person by pretending that they're already my friend - I talk to them as though I know them already, without asking the basics, and these facts fill themselves in automatically in time - it's easier than worrying about starting up a new conversation.
I'd now consider myself a really confident person; I've lost all the shyness I used to have, and I'm continuing to push the boundaries socially to make this go further.
I hope some of that helps; because just because you're shy now, there are ways to change that, it's not an inbuilt thing.


Excellent advice! A change in attitude is the best way to solve confidence issues.

I'm currently in the process of doing the same kinda thing and things ive found that have helped are buying new clothes that i wouldn't usually wear and just asking anyone i can if they wanna go out and do something (even if its on msn, facebook etc.) I'm off to uni in a few months and im gonna make sure i go out and interact with as many people as possible ;yes;
Reply 17
Face your fears. If you ask any psychologist about phobias they will say that the best cure is so face your phobia. So just listen, think and talk to people that you know. Next time your boyfriend asks you to come out with his mates say yes, get made up so you look stunning and go! One quick question, how old are you? I found that my confidence grew loads when I went to uni - seems to be the same for a lot of other people. Good luck x x
I used to be chronically shy with zero confidence, for the same reasons as you, I think I came out of it in two ways:

1) I met a girl who physicaly forced me into being her friend and MADE me socialise (to whom I am eternally in debt)

2) After meeting said girl I realised that my feelings, and my perceptions for why I couldnt talk to people were entirely in my own head. Once you realise that you can talk to anyone.

3) Take up ANY offer to do anything/go anywhere/meet anyone.

I know thats not very helpful I wish i could explain better but im **** at that but the only reason you have low self esteem is because you THINK you do, that sounds callous but it is ALL in you head. Im not saying its you fault but only YOU can do something about it.

If you want to talk to people think of something to say and just say it, once you realise that the only people who will "bite" you for that are people not worth talking to then socialising just becomes something you take for granted.