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Overcontrolling upbringing but hoping to turn my life around!! Watch

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    Hi, So I had really bad problem with my parents and for a I was just shy to open up about it in the past. But now I can finally get this off my chest.So, I am a 18 yr old english male of south Asian descent, the problem for them is that I have far more in common with an (atheist) white person than my "supposed" own group. Call me whitewashed or whatever but you have never met me.

    I am normal for the most part but I have bad social anxiety and for that reason I was more of a loner and couldn't open up to others. I also have moderate to severe depression.

    About my parents and older brother (in his early 20s), what can I honestly say that wont offend people reading this, I am just trying to stay calm. Sorry for making this long but I appriciate you reading this.I feel like I was treated normally at first but when I turned 10 I knew something was wrong, I just didn't really know.

    I will go back to around 2006-08, I always did everything they told me to and things seemed great to me though I was young, looking back now I realise life was sh*t back then and I should not have listened to them so much but I was only 7-10 at the time so I assumed this is how parents treat their kids.

    The sh*t really started getting worse though when I was 14, the family arguments and mental abuse I will get to in a bit but I should say that if it weren't for them, I'd be a far more confident, sociable person with no psychological damage. Not only that but I'd also have a pretty gf and live a normal life most 18 yr olds do.

    I won't even bother bringing up the cultural differences because I assume you already know about it and I feel more British than asian (Pakistani). But obviously asian families love the bullsh*t drama. Ok I know most people have disagreements here and there (regardless of culture), that is part of life. They usually want the best for you, this is where my problems are the opposite.

    My parents can't pay me sh*t whether hundreds of £s of cash or a galaxy s6 (£300) but for example I wanted to rent a studio flat, in my area it is £700/m and obviously I couldn't pay all of it myself bc I have no job atm. Mostly due to metal health I don't have a job. I have no gcses either so that makes finding employment harder. It is easy to man up and work your ass off but then again not many people have been in my situation.

    Why I was born I honestly dunno bc they referred to me being born as their worst mistake, though I'm tough metally, I'm not a machine either so I did cry for 2 minutes but also thought to myself it is what is and I just get on.

    I have been humiliated by them at home and public for 4 yrs I can remember. They are overcontrolling and very manipulative. They don't even love me because of "conditional love". Not only that but my father and brother have physically assualted me, like my father will pull my shirt and both of them even punch me sometimes. Even once I was kicked in the head a few times when I was held down. I had a light concussion in that.

    I never phoned the police in that incident. Only two or three times (one was no physical assualt, just an argument) did I phone them. 95% of the time I just stayed in my room after a physical assualt. I usually only left the house during an argument.

    Obviously I used self defence towards all of them when it got physical. I won't lie to you that I have lashed out too like pushed my parents and also broke things in the past too, for example a glass mirror and a door off the hinges twice. I admit I am not a gd person myself either but hope I get a second chance in life.

    Of course I have felt suicidal in the past!!

    I would think that most people in this situation would not make it out yet I even tried to adapt, to be fake just to have a gd relationship but I still have to put up with the same sh*t.

    I may never be 100% again. I will cut ties with them when I have a job and finally be able to start a new, fresh life. I'll take each day as it comes, hopefully I make it from nothing to having all the gd things happening I could and should have in life.

    I feel I should also say that I am lost in my identity because I am still seen as a foreigner to most (ethnically) english people, obviously I am not white but I feel I fit in better with them than I do with the pakistanis here but only few whites really accept me. I am not too bothered though, I have been alone most of my life and only in the past 10 months have I made efforts to change that.

    I don't want any racism here since I am still proud of my Pakistani roots. I am just disgusted by the whole culture and it is more to do with the religion (islam) than anything. I am athiest and proud of it and there are a minority who are athiest and also drink, have tattoos and have their own girlfriends (some even have piercings). That is also why there seems to be a massive stereotype towards south asians in UK from some white people, I also hate racist and ignorant people towards asians.

    For those who think this is fake, trust me it is not, why would I waste my time typing this. I would never type this much but I felt I just needed to post this. Thnx for reading this.
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    I don't think its fake at all, one of my friends is pakistani and this was just like reading her life story

    Soooo sad, how can your own parents treat you like that. how can they bring themselves to constantly beat and abuse their own flesh and blood? "they referred to me being born as their worst mistake" bad enough that they even say that to you but the audacity of it all, almost as if they are blaming you for being born when they are the ones who chose to create another life. like most pakistanis... just give birth to several children without a thought and then complain about it afterwards.

    all I can say is good luck - hope you get out as soon as you can and live the life you deserved to have!
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    i dont think this is fake at all because i am in the same situation.. only i'm 16 and a female but 2 days ago my mom brutally beat me up until i passed out but that didnt make her stop. she pulled my hair and now i have bruises and scratches all over. the other issue is that she is proud of it she tells everyone... i am currently planning on focusing on my GCSEs pass them and work throughout summer and hopefully save enough to move at 17. although this may seem horrible i'm glad i'm not the only one. my mother "doesnt give a sh*t" about me. so you're not alone. good luck
    keep smiling it always gets worse before it gets better
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not only that but my father and brother have physically assualted me, like my father will pull my shirt and both of them even punch me sometimes. Even once I was kicked in the head a few times when I was held down. I had a light concussion in that
    (Original post by woooooo)
    only i'm 16 and a female but 2 days ago my mom brutally beat me up until i passed out but that didnt make her stop. she pulled my hair and now i have bruises and scratches all over. the other issue is that she is proud of it she tells everyone...
    What the heck did I just read?!?!

    Now I understand why your culture is one of the most hated, your parents actually beat you like that?!

    PLEASE call the police next time and report it. At least that way they can maybe help you get out of there and have you put into a council place or something. I don't know if it's a taboo thing due to your culture or religion but I'm pretty sure that Muslims are supposed to be loving towards their children and actually look after them, not bore them with the intention to beat and control them and take all their frustration at their own failures in life out on their children! I literally feel sick having read this, I wouldn't even call them 'parents'!
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    (Original post by yungaheartz)
    What the heck did I just read?!?!

    Now I understand why your culture is one of the most hated, your parents actually beat you like that?!

    PLEASE call the police next time and report it. At least that way they can maybe help you get out of there and have you put into a council place or something. I don't know if it's a taboo thing due to your culture or religion but I'm pretty sure that Muslims are supposed to be loving towards their children and actually look after them, not bore them with the intention to beat and control them and take all their frustration at their own failures in life out on their children! I literally feel sick having read this, I wouldn't even call them 'parents'!
    i'm african actually and christian
    • #2
    #2

    I'm also from South Asian descent, Bangladeshi to be specific.

    My parents were also very backwards and how can I say it, primitive in how they expressed themselves. They only ever knew how to express anger and frustration. They're also very isolated in that they don't try to learn about British culture. Yeah, I grew up ****ing hating this retarded 'culture' and community I belong to, and will ingrain more educated values, british or not into my future family.
    • #3
    #3

    This genuinely upset me, and OP, I understand a bit of what you're going through. But, instead of a Pakistani family, I have a Jamaican family.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, So I had really bad problem with my parents and for a I was just shy to open up about it in the past. But now I can finally get this off my chest.So, I am a 18 yr old english male of south Asian descent, the problem for them is that I have far more in common with an (atheist) white person than my "supposed" own group. Call me whitewashed or whatever but you have never met me.

    I am normal for the most part but I have bad social anxiety and for that reason I was more of a loner and couldn't open up to others. I also have moderate to severe depression.

    About my parents and older brother (in his early 20s), what can I honestly say that wont offend people reading this, I am just trying to stay calm. Sorry for making this long but I appriciate you reading this.I feel like I was treated normally at first but when I turned 10 I knew something was wrong, I just didn't really know.

    I will go back to around 2006-08, I always did everything they told me to and things seemed great to me though I was young, looking back now I realise life was sh*t back then and I should not have listened to them so much but I was only 7-10 at the time so I assumed this is how parents treat their kids.

    The sh*t really started getting worse though when I was 14, the family arguments and mental abuse I will get to in a bit but I should say that if it weren't for them, I'd be a far more confident, sociable person with no psychological damage. Not only that but I'd also have a pretty gf and live a normal life most 18 yr olds do.

    I won't even bother bringing up the cultural differences because I assume you already know about it and I feel more British than asian (Pakistani). But obviously asian families love the bullsh*t drama. Ok I know most people have disagreements here and there (regardless of culture), that is part of life. They usually want the best for you, this is where my problems are the opposite.

    My parents can't pay me sh*t whether hundreds of £s of cash or a galaxy s6 (£300) but for example I wanted to rent a studio flat, in my area it is £700/m and obviously I couldn't pay all of it myself bc I have no job atm. Mostly due to metal health I don't have a job. I have no gcses either so that makes finding employment harder. It is easy to man up and work your ass off but then again not many people have been in my situation.

    Why I was born I honestly dunno bc they referred to me being born as their worst mistake, though I'm tough metally, I'm not a machine either so I did cry for 2 minutes but also thought to myself it is what is and I just get on.

    I have been humiliated by them at home and public for 4 yrs I can remember. They are overcontrolling and very manipulative. They don't even love me because of "conditional love". Not only that but my father and brother have physically assualted me, like my father will pull my shirt and both of them even punch me sometimes. Even once I was kicked in the head a few times when I was held down. I had a light concussion in that.

    I never phoned the police in that incident. Only two or three times (one was no physical assualt, just an argument) did I phone them. 95% of the time I just stayed in my room after a physical assualt. I usually only left the house during an argument.

    Obviously I used self defence towards all of them when it got physical. I won't lie to you that I have lashed out too like pushed my parents and also broke things in the past too, for example a glass mirror and a door off the hinges twice. I admit I am not a gd person myself either but hope I get a second chance in life.

    Of course I have felt suicidal in the past!!

    I would think that most people in this situation would not make it out yet I even tried to adapt, to be fake just to have a gd relationship but I still have to put up with the same sh*t.

    I may never be 100% again. I will cut ties with them when I have a job and finally be able to start a new, fresh life. I'll take each day as it comes, hopefully I make it from nothing to having all the gd things happening I could and should have in life.

    I feel I should also say that I am lost in my identity because I am still seen as a foreigner to most (ethnically) english people, obviously I am not white but I feel I fit in better with them than I do with the pakistanis here but only few whites really accept me. I am not too bothered though, I have been alone most of my life and only in the past 10 months have I made efforts to change that.

    I don't want any racism here since I am still proud of my Pakistani roots. I am just disgusted by the whole culture and it is more to do with the religion (islam) than anything. I am athiest and proud of it and there are a minority who are athiest and also drink, have tattoos and have their own girlfriends (some even have piercings). That is also why there seems to be a massive stereotype towards south asians in UK from some white people, I also hate racist and ignorant people towards asians.

    For those who think this is fake, trust me it is not, why would I waste my time typing this. I would never type this much but I felt I just needed to post this. Thnx for reading this.
    Just from reading your title I correctly guessed you'd be from south Asian descent, without having even read your paragraph
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm also from South Asian descent, Bangladeshi to be specific.

    My parents were also very backwards and how can I say it, primitive in how they expressed themselves. They only ever knew how to express anger and frustration. They're also very isolated in that they don't try to learn about British culture. Yeah, I grew up ****ing hating this retarded 'culture' and community I belong to, and will ingrain more educated values, british or not into my future family.
    Good, thats how it should be. Never understand why south-Asians come to this country, have and raise their kids here and have no intention of ever going back but never want to integrate with their country's culture either? I don't care how racist it sounds but if they don't like it here they should really go back home.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm also from South Asian descent, Bangladeshi to be specific.

    My parents were also very backwards and how can I say it, primitive in how they expressed themselves. They only ever knew how to express anger and frustration. They're also very isolated in that they don't try to learn about British culture. Yeah, I grew up ****ing hating this retarded 'culture' and community I belong to, and will ingrain more educated values, british or not into my future family.
    Hi, this is the OP, I agree with u so much, I find it best just to cut off all ties with them asap, I guess the biggest problem is that my parents want me to live the same culture as them. But I never grew up around an asian community, in fact I only knew 1 or 2 other asians out of my extended family so I was around white people more and just like u said my parents didn't like it too much when I didn't tell them what I was doin outside.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by yungaheartz)
    What the heck did I just read?!?!

    Now I understand why your culture is one of the most hated, your parents actually beat you like that?!

    PLEASE call the police next time and report it. At least that way they can maybe help you get out of there and have you put into a council place or something. I don't know if it's a taboo thing due to your culture or religion but I'm pretty sure that Muslims are supposed to be loving towards their children and actually look after them, not bore them with the intention to beat and control them and take all their frustration at their own failures in life out on their children! I literally feel sick having read this, I wouldn't even call them 'parents'!
    Well I actually don't care if he hits me so much because I can use self defence, the incident I was talking about was a 3 on 1. I usually just stay in my room or go out rather than phoning the police.
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I can't believe it, today I was again in my room minding my buisness and she starts off again, I'm always minding my buisness and I tell her simply not to talk to me but she just doesn't get it, she is the reason I am f*cked up.

    I'm not going to keep posting but I just don't want to put up with it, why should I? She is also at fault for me not bein able to see a girl I fancied, I had to simply forget her bc of my mother. She also cuts off the internet, she doesn't even let me have a say or anything. I should have a say bc I live there but they want me to do what they say so I prefer to ignore all of them. It is better but then they like a bit of drama sometimes so I know they come in my room (or wherever I am) on purpose just to bother me. I don't even give them my phone number now bc of it. Imagine me bein out and my phone vibrating non stop.

    Why should I put up with it though?? They think I'm bad for wanting to live my life in a certain way but they have more problems (mother has mental health) and ppl outside the family think I'm lost and a psycho who needs help but in reality I am ok as a person (not good but not bad).
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    Please call the fuzz next time the abuse starts. Don't ever let them break you, the fact that you're standing up to their backwards ways and barbarity shows that you're good people. I'm proud to call strong people like you my fellow countrymen.
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    #1

    Hey, sorry it is op again. I'm grateful of the support from ppl here but yet again another argument has happened, it is over the smallest thing possible, in brief words she wants me to turn my light off at a certain time (0:30, usually I turn off around 2 so not much different), she was ok in the past with me going at my time but she doesn't trust me now though for some reason and I'm really confused. I am in my room minding my buisness, I never make any noise.Last night she was awake at 0:30 so at the exact time she walks into my room and starts telling me in the tone a teacher would speak to a kid that I have to turn off the light!! I feel like I would negotiate but since there was no problem in the past I don't see why I should listen to her so it got heated. I know I don't need to prove her anything, I just don't get why she doesn't trust me. Even I don't fully understand what type of parenting this is? (It is very rare)I am really feeling lower each day and know I need to get the f*ck out of there. Plz give me some advice on what to do in the short term??
 
 
 
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