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    I'm in the process of assessment for this. It's been slow going for a variety of reasons, not least because I thought I had vivid imagination/lying.

    I've felt shifts but I don't get present day amnesia like its described. And depending on who I am, there is a level of co-consciousness. Fully losing control to the point of being in danger..can count on one hand.

    This week I had to attend court which was highly triggering for me. When I was a teenager I was the victim of rape and the trial was traumatic. Being in court pushed it all up. That level of trauma pushed me into an altered state. At first I was little me and then when I felt "attacked" by defence, protective teen part took over. So now my switching is a matter for court record. Excellent. Ugh and I'll seem flirty with the prosecutor but I wasn't being. Little me tries to save me by being a little precocious and "rescue us"

    I haven't heard people talk a lot about DID on here. Maybe it's not that common
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    I am also under assessment for DID atm. Am starting therapy on Thursday this week to do some "formulation work" to figure out whether what I feel are split personalities are indeed split personalities, or whether it's something else.

    Sorry to hear about your experience of giving evidence in court - sounds extremely rough.

    I gather from various people that DID is a controversial diagnosis and not many mental health professionals believe in it, which might be why there's not many people on here with a diagnosis of it. Although I am starting therapy, I am not expecting it to lead to a diagnosis of DID, even though I feel such a diagnosis would be appropriate for me.

    Big TLG hugs! :hugs:
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    Good luck for Thursday!

    I've been in therapy with a CP for over a year. When I began therapy they impressed the idea of not indulging the split between different parts. - sounds harsh but I'm a fellow therapist and could understand what they meant by that phrase. So I'd been working hard to "own" my stuff and not deflect to she/they.

    Since we've been working on early trauma stuff, the fragmentation has pushed up on its own...rather than through the language used or naming parts as explanation to listener. I've had a few instances of splitting - where I think I'm doing one thing and I'm doing another (I see both and only know which one I've done by the response or outcome). Then when one of my parts thought a suicide attempt would help me feel better, it kinda pushed the work on dissociation forward.

    I don't usually split in therapy. Normally I use self analysis and an interpreter for it. So if child part wants to speak, interpreter will explain what she said. Makes for a noisy head! But they've (parts) have been edging to the surface and I recently switched into a part during the session. I don't lose awareness. It's more like the part that is speaking now, is turned down (like volume). If it's safe (or traumatic enough) then I lose control of how I respond. My thinking completely changes regardless of outward response but in the session my whole body language and how I spoke and reacted was completely different. For instance, as an adult, I'm very rarely sarcastic and I don't use angry tone often. Teenage part just drops with it and is loud. I am quiet and constantly being accused of mumbling. Little me is practically mute for all the volume she produces.

    So we've been looking at the system and how it interacts. Briefly touched on abuser part.

    I don't know that I will be given a formal diagnosis. I'm lucky if PTSD even exists in my file even though that is my verbal diagnosis. But I've seen a change in their response to me. They appeared quite shocked about my switch. Not like "I can't handle this surprising event". More like, "didn't realise you had that locked in you" - because I basically don't move in the session normally. It's how I keep myself contained and if I am switching around no one can really tell.

    Sorry such long post! I feel pretty alone with it atm because im scared to share with close ones and feel like I'm burdening my online friends. So it's bit of a purge. Feels good to be honest somewhere
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Good luck for Thursday!

    I've been in therapy with a CP for over a year. When I began therapy they impressed the idea of not indulging the split between different parts. - sounds harsh but I'm a fellow therapist and could understand what they meant by that phrase. So I'd been working hard to "own" my stuff and not deflect to she/they.

    Since we've been working on early trauma stuff, the fragmentation has pushed up on its own...rather than through the language used or naming parts as explanation to listener. I've had a few instances of splitting - where I think I'm doing one thing and I'm doing another (I see both and only know which one I've done by the response or outcome). Then when one of my parts thought a suicide attempt would help me feel better, it kinda pushed the work on dissociation forward.

    I don't usually split in therapy. Normally I use self analysis and an interpreter for it. So if child part wants to speak, interpreter will explain what she said. Makes for a noisy head! But they've (parts) have been edging to the surface and I recently switched into a part during the session. I don't lose awareness. It's more like the part that is speaking now, is turned down (like volume). If it's safe (or traumatic enough) then I lose control of how I respond. My thinking completely changes regardless of outward response but in the session my whole body language and how I spoke and reacted was completely different. For instance, as an adult, I'm very rarely sarcastic and I don't use angry tone often. Teenage part just drops with it and is loud. I am quiet and constantly being accused of mumbling. Little me is practically mute for all the volume she produces.

    So we've been looking at the system and how it interacts. Briefly touched on abuser part.

    I don't know that I will be given a formal diagnosis. I'm lucky if PTSD even exists in my file even though that is my verbal diagnosis. But I've seen a change in their response to me. They appeared quite shocked about my switch. Not like "I can't handle this surprising event". More like, "didn't realise you had that locked in you" - because I basically don't move in the session normally. It's how I keep myself contained and if I am switching around no one can really tell.

    Sorry such long post! I feel pretty alone with it atm because im scared to share with close ones and feel like I'm burdening my online friends. So it's bit of a purge. Feels good to be honest somewhere
    No need to apologise at all! :hugs:

    It's interesting what you say about being advised to not indulge the split between the different parts. I'm not really clear on what my psychiatrist or clinical psychologist think about my saying that I have different personalities (identified 5 so far: 4 of them are parts of me but fragmented; the remaining one is a different person imprinted onto me). I fear my younger sister (who is a junior doctor) thinks I'm making it up to absolve myself of responsibility for my behaviour. Maybe I am some of the time - I dunno. But there's def something way beyond my control that is happening inside me, and it scares the living **** out of me

    I don't show many outward signs of splitting either. It'll be interesting to see if that changes in therapy, hmmm... :iiam:

    :jumphug:

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    No need to apologise at all! :hugs:

    It's interesting what you say about being advised to not indulge the split between the different parts. I'm not really clear on what my psychiatrist or clinical psychologist think about my saying that I have different personalities (identified 5 so far: 4 of them are parts of me but fragmented; the remaining one is a different person imprinted onto me). I fear my younger sister (who is a junior doctor) thinks I'm making it up to absolve myself of responsibility for my behaviour. Maybe I am some of the time - I dunno. But there's def something way beyond my control that is happening inside me, and it scares the living **** out of me

    I don't show many outward signs of splitting either. It'll be interesting to see if that changes in therapy, hmmm... :iiam:

    :jumphug:

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    I don't think for one min they meant that without the indulgence it wouldn't be there and I'm just making it up. More that language is really
    Important and we can be suggestible. Especially if dissociation is already part of our mental health. Also, the idea is to eventually recognise all sorts are of the same person.

    Changing the language didn't really change the behaviour. But it helped stabilise me a bit. I was panicking and being overwhelmed with the idea of this serious illness. Now I'm not bothered so much as just wanting treatment so I can be reliable and stay in "host" or at least the version of me which is the professional, for longer. My job is my passion. I'll take a break if I need to, to sort through this stuff, but I don't want to lose it forever
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    I don't think for one min they meant that without the indulgence it wouldn't be there and I'm just making it up. More that language is really
    Important and we can be suggestible. Especially if dissociation is already part of our mental health. Also, the idea is to eventually recognise all sorts are of the same person.

    Changing the language didn't really change the behaviour. But it helped stabilise me a bit. I was panicking and being overwhelmed with the idea of this serious illness. Now I'm not bothered so much as just wanting treatment so I can be reliable and stay in "host" or at least the version of me which is the professional, for longer. My job is my passion. I'll take a break if I need to, to sort through this stuff, but I don't want to lose it forever
    Ah OK, my bad - I get you now

    Do you mind me asking if you've found therapy helpful? I don't think they intend on giving me long-term therapy, despite that being what my psychiatrist said she was gonna push for. My understanding is that, in my specific case, once we figure out what is going on, therapy will stop

    I'm glad you've stabilised a bit - that's really positive to hear

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Ah OK, my bad - I get you now

    Do you mind me asking if you've found therapy helpful? I don't think they intend on giving me long-term therapy, despite that being what my psychiatrist said she was gonna push for. My understanding is that, in my specific case, once we figure out what is going on, therapy will stop

    I'm glad you've stabilised a bit - that's really positive to hear

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    I don't think I was clear on what I meant so don't feel bad.

    I've been in therapy on and off for over a decade now. I've been with a clinical psych since March 2015. Therapy, particularly this time around, has been life saving. We've been working together on my trauma history and now that I'm able to, mostly, withstand the work better..we've started to make a move onto the dissociation. Which means me trying to get comfortable with showing my parts and letting them speak.

    I'd be surprised if the result was no therapy. A waiting list maybe but in terms of where this illness is on their treatment pathway, it is recommended that there is therapy. If a psychiatrist is pushing for therapy, I doubt that recommendation will be ignored as they tend to be part of the senior management team in most mental health units/teams. I can't be 100% on your area and facility but that is generally the case.
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    I don't think I was clear on what I meant so don't feel bad.

    I've been in therapy on and off for over a decade now. I've been with a clinical psych since March 2015. Therapy, particularly this time around, has been life saving. We've been working together on my trauma history and now that I'm able to, mostly, withstand the work better..we've started to make a move onto the dissociation. Which means me trying to get comfortable with showing my parts and letting them speak.

    I'd be surprised if the result was no therapy. A waiting list maybe but in terms of where this illness is on their treatment pathway, it is recommended that there is therapy. If a psychiatrist is pushing for therapy, I doubt that recommendation will be ignored as they tend to be part of the senior management team in most mental health units/teams. I can't be 100% on your area and facility but that is generally the case.
    Glad that therapy has proved so helpful to you this time around! Yeah I was quite surprised when the clinical psychologist said that no more therapy would be given once a diagnosis-of-sorts is reached. Idk - guess I'll wait and see what happens! :ninja:

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    Had my first therapy session. Spent a lot of it telling her about my childhood. Talk about depressing

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Had my first therapy session. Spent a lot of it telling her about my childhood. Talk about depressing

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    Sorry I've been away.

    First sessions are always tough. Especially with trauma history. How do you feel about it now? - usually takes a few days for me to stabilise after a disclosure
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Sorry I've been away.

    First sessions are always tough. Especially with trauma history. How do you feel about it now? - usually takes a few days for me to stabilise after a disclosure
    No worries at all!

    I was quite down for a day or two. Infant TLG (one of my five personalities) got quite agitated and upset by therapy Thing is, we weren't even talking about anything I consider to be a trauma (though others disagree about with me about what would have counted as trauma or not): she just wanted to get a sense of my attachment history and relationships with nuclear family. So I dread to think how I'll react when I get to talking about stuff I consider to be part of my trauma history :erm:

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