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    (he's not drinking or on drugs)
    My dad is really controlling and is verbally abusive towards me and my younger siblings. He loves to have complete control. It doesn't matter if my mum says yes to something, if my dad says no, it's no. My siblings consist of a 7 year old, 12 year old and me, 15 years old. He is worse on me and my 12 year old brother, constantly throwing verbal abuse at us and he hits my brother.

    I haven't been to a friend's house since i was in year 1...yep YEAR 1! I have never been allowed to go out and meet friends in town or anything! I still don't have a phone either. As i am moving into year 11 in September, i have to start thinking about colleges to apply to. There are 2 potential ones that i want to go to, but my dad is saying no and has no way of changing his mind. He wants me to go to a stupid sixth form down the road from us and it is absolutely terrible! The sixth form has been known for people doing drugs, getting bad grades and teachers have been caught having relationships with students and it doesn't even have the courses i want to do. The colleges that i want to go to are amazing and the complete opposite of the sixth form.
    So i talked to my dad about it today. He started saying that "we can't afford the bus fare." So i was like "Okay then you can drive me or i can get a lift with a friend." and he shouted at me saying "I am not driving you and you are not getting a lift. I wont allow it." I got annoyed and said "Your just wanting me to go to the sixth form." And i walked off. Then he said "YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE REST OF THE FAMILY SUFFER!"
    I cried for a little.

    That's not the only thing he does. As i have said he hits my brother but he also threatens. The other day my brother was making some silly noises and my dad got up and put his fist in his face and shouted "If you carry on this will be going in you're face! And if i punch you your head will be knocked off your shoulders." I got a bit worried about even saying anything to him in case i got threatened with that scenario too.
    This same kind of thing happened to my 7 year old brother when we were shopping. My brother likes to sit in the trolley if we go shopping. Me and my other brother were with my mum and suddenly we heard my brother scream and start crying. My mum rushed over to see what happened and he said my dad hit him. Obviously he completely denied it as we were in the middle of a shop. We went to the car to get away from him and as soon as my dad got in the car he was like "IF YOU EVER TRY TO GET ME IN TO TROUBLE AGAIN YOU ARE GONNA GET IT!"

    Last year, was the year that my mum finally persuaded my dad to let me wear a skirt to school. Yep, he would not allow me to wear any form of skirt to school, no matter what the weather was. People used to always try to get me to get my dad to let me wear a skirt but that always resulted in me getting shouted at.

    A few years back (probably about 2 or 3), my dad put cameras in mine and my brother's rooms to see what we were doing. It made me feel so uncomfortable knowing that i had no privacy anywhere (seeing as im not allowed to even leave the house to go to town or visit friends) but i couldn't do anything about it. He finally took it away about a year ago, but then plugged our TV's into a plug timer thing so that our TV went off at a certain time (about 9:00pm). I now have to go to bed at 8:30 pm...It's pathetic.

    Finally, i once stood up to my dad. He was shouting at my brother for literally nothing as soon as we got in from school. I had had enough and i shouted "STOP! JUST STOP SHOUTING AT HIM!" and then i ran up to my room crying. He shouted me downstairs angrily and he kept giving me disgusted looks, looking as if he wanted to hit me. He didn't (Thank GOD).

    The things my dad says to us are:
    "Shut up!!"
    "Thick head!"
    "Idiot!"
    "Disgusting!"
    "You really are stupid!"
    "It's because she's fat"
    And other stuff.

    I hate how controlling he is. Knowing that our problems are dismissed as being "stupid overreactions" and that we aren't allowed to express our emotions or even have the freedom to be independent. My mum says that she hates it too, that she has no problem with me going out, seeing friends but if my dad says no, it's no. I think my mum is too scared to stand up to him because she has a few times and he just absolutely rejects the idea that he is in the wrong. My Dad doesn't hit my mum but he sometimes shouts at her.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to him about how he makes me feel because it will just result in a loud argument of him being the boss and me being the child and that he is always in the right. I really need some advice ASAP because i don't know how much longer i can take this.

    Thank you x
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    (Original post by EternalKiss)
    (he's not drinking or on drugs)
    My dad is really controlling and is verbally abusive towards me and my younger siblings. He loves to have complete control. It doesn't matter if my mum says yes to something, if my dad says no, it's no. My siblings consist of a 7 year old, 12 year old and me, 15 years old. He is worse on me and my 12 year old brother, constantly throwing verbal abuse at us and he hits my brother.

    I haven't been to a friend's house since i was in year 1...yep YEAR 1! I have never been allowed to go out and meet friends in town or anything! I still don't have a phone either. As i am moving into year 11 in September, i have to start thinking about colleges to apply to. There are 2 potential ones that i want to go to, but my dad is saying no and has no way of changing his mind. He wants me to go to a stupid sixth form down the road from us and it is absolutely terrible! The sixth form has been known for people doing drugs, getting bad grades and teachers have been caught having relationships with students and it doesn't even have the courses i want to do. The colleges that i want to go to are amazing and the complete opposite of the sixth form.
    So i talked to my dad about it today. He started saying that "we can't afford the bus fare." So i was like "Okay then you can drive me or i can get a lift with a friend." and he shouted at me saying "I am not driving you and you are not getting a lift. I wont allow it." I got annoyed and said "Your just wanting me to go to the sixth form." And i walked off. Then he said "YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE REST OF THE FAMILY SUFFER!"
    I cried for a little.

    That's not the only thing he does. As i have said he hits my brother but he also threatens. The other day my brother was making some silly noises and my dad got up and put his fist in his face and shouted "If you carry on this will be going in you're face! And if i punch you your head will be knocked off your shoulders." I got a bit worried about even saying anything to him in case i got threatened with that scenario too.
    This same kind of thing happened to my 7 year old brother when we were shopping. My brother likes to sit in the trolley if we go shopping. Me and my other brother were with my mum and suddenly we heard my brother scream and start crying. My mum rushed over to see what happened and he said my dad hit him. Obviously he completely denied it as we were in the middle of a shop. We went to the car to get away from him and as soon as my dad got in the car he was like "IF YOU EVER TRY TO GET ME IN TO TROUBLE AGAIN YOU ARE GONNA GET IT!"

    Last year, was the year that my mum finally persuaded my dad to let me wear a skirt to school. Yep, he would not allow me to wear any form of skirt to school, no matter what the weather was. People used to always try to get me to get my dad to let me wear a skirt but that always resulted in me getting shouted at.

    A few years back (probably about 2 or 3), my dad put cameras in mine and my brother's rooms to see what we were doing. It made me feel so uncomfortable knowing that i had no privacy anywhere (seeing as im not allowed to even leave the house to go to town or visit friends) but i couldn't do anything about it. He finally took it away about a year ago, but then plugged our TV's into a plug timer thing so that our TV went off at a certain time (about 9:00pm). I now have to go to bed at 8:30 pm...It's pathetic.

    Finally, i once stood up to my dad. He was shouting at my brother for literally nothing as soon as we got in from school. I had had enough and i shouted "STOP! JUST STOP SHOUTING AT HIM!" and then i ran up to my room crying. He shouted me downstairs angrily and he kept giving me disgusted looks, looking as if he wanted to hit me. He didn't (Thank GOD).

    The things my dad says to us are:
    "Shut up!!"
    "Thick head!"
    "Idiot!"
    "Disgusting!"
    "You really are stupid!"
    "It's because she's fat"
    And other stuff.

    I hate how controlling he is. Knowing that our problems are dismissed as being "stupid overreactions" and that we aren't allowed to express our emotions or even have the freedom to be independent. My mum says that she hates it too, that she has no problem with me going out, seeing friends but if my dad says no, it's no. I think my mum is too scared to stand up to him because she has a few times and he just absolutely rejects the idea that he is in the wrong. My Dad doesn't hit my mum but he sometimes shouts at her.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to him about how he makes me feel because it will just result in a loud argument of him being the boss and me being the child and that he is always in the right. I really need some advice ASAP because i don't know how much longer i can take this.

    Thank you x
    Are you able to speak to your mum when he isnt there? I would strongly suggest you speak to childline or someone you trust.
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    (Original post by EternalKiss)
    (he's not drinking or on drugs)
    My dad is really controlling and is verbally abusive towards me and my younger siblings. He loves to have complete control. It doesn't matter if my mum says yes to something, if my dad says no, it's no. My siblings consist of a 7 year old, 12 year old and me, 15 years old. He is worse on me and my 12 year old brother, constantly throwing verbal abuse at us and he hits my brother.

    I haven't been to a friend's house since i was in year 1...yep YEAR 1! I have never been allowed to go out and meet friends in town or anything! I still don't have a phone either. As i am moving into year 11 in September, i have to start thinking about colleges to apply to. There are 2 potential ones that i want to go to, but my dad is saying no and has no way of changing his mind. He wants me to go to a stupid sixth form down the road from us and it is absolutely terrible! The sixth form has been known for people doing drugs, getting bad grades and teachers have been caught having relationships with students and it doesn't even have the courses i want to do. The colleges that i want to go to are amazing and the complete opposite of the sixth form.
    So i talked to my dad about it today. He started saying that "we can't afford the bus fare." So i was like "Okay then you can drive me or i can get a lift with a friend." and he shouted at me saying "I am not driving you and you are not getting a lift. I wont allow it." I got annoyed and said "Your just wanting me to go to the sixth form." And i walked off. Then he said "YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE REST OF THE FAMILY SUFFER!"
    I cried for a little.

    That's not the only thing he does. As i have said he hits my brother but he also threatens. The other day my brother was making some silly noises and my dad got up and put his fist in his face and shouted "If you carry on this will be going in you're face! And if i punch you your head will be knocked off your shoulders." I got a bit worried about even saying anything to him in case i got threatened with that scenario too.
    This same kind of thing happened to my 7 year old brother when we were shopping. My brother likes to sit in the trolley if we go shopping. Me and my other brother were with my mum and suddenly we heard my brother scream and start crying. My mum rushed over to see what happened and he said my dad hit him. Obviously he completely denied it as we were in the middle of a shop. We went to the car to get away from him and as soon as my dad got in the car he was like "IF YOU EVER TRY TO GET ME IN TO TROUBLE AGAIN YOU ARE GONNA GET IT!"

    Last year, was the year that my mum finally persuaded my dad to let me wear a skirt to school. Yep, he would not allow me to wear any form of skirt to school, no matter what the weather was. People used to always try to get me to get my dad to let me wear a skirt but that always resulted in me getting shouted at.

    A few years back (probably about 2 or 3), my dad put cameras in mine and my brother's rooms to see what we were doing. It made me feel so uncomfortable knowing that i had no privacy anywhere (seeing as im not allowed to even leave the house to go to town or visit friends) but i couldn't do anything about it. He finally took it away about a year ago, but then plugged our TV's into a plug timer thing so that our TV went off at a certain time (about 9:00pm). I now have to go to bed at 8:30 pm...It's pathetic.

    Finally, i once stood up to my dad. He was shouting at my brother for literally nothing as soon as we got in from school. I had had enough and i shouted "STOP! JUST STOP SHOUTING AT HIM!" and then i ran up to my room crying. He shouted me downstairs angrily and he kept giving me disgusted looks, looking as if he wanted to hit me. He didn't (Thank GOD).

    The things my dad says to us are:
    "Shut up!!"
    "Thick head!"
    "Idiot!"
    "Disgusting!"
    "You really are stupid!"
    "It's because she's fat"
    And other stuff.

    I hate how controlling he is. Knowing that our problems are dismissed as being "stupid overreactions" and that we aren't allowed to express our emotions or even have the freedom to be independent. My mum says that she hates it too, that she has no problem with me going out, seeing friends but if my dad says no, it's no. I think my mum is too scared to stand up to him because she has a few times and he just absolutely rejects the idea that he is in the wrong. My Dad doesn't hit my mum but he sometimes shouts at her.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to him about how he makes me feel because it will just result in a loud argument of him being the boss and me being the child and that he is always in the right. I really need some advice ASAP because i don't know how much longer i can take this.

    Thank you x
    wouldnt be surprised if he tried to abuse u
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    On the bright side being told to shut it isn't as bad as it could be...
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    I'm so so so sorry that you have to go through this, and I'm sorry about not being able to give very much advice. Does anyone outside your family know about this - are there maybe some adults at school/in your friend's families that you trust and could tell about this? Do you know if your mum wants to be married to your dad (basically if she wants a divorce you could encourage her to go through with it), and could your mum maybe get your dad to go into any kind of therapy, even if it would just be couples therapy in the beginning? Do you have people you can talk to about how this feels?

    I understand it's hard, but please try to do whatever you can to get the education you want. Try to get into the college you want to go to, work hard, and when the time comes, do whatever you can to get to the university you want to go to. Don't let your dad destroy your future. Whatever happens, in a few years you can get as far away from him as you want.
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    Isn't that a form of abuse???
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    My heart sank reading this. Im so sorry you and your siblings should not experience things like this. Speak to your school counsellor about this or any of your family you are close with ..aunt uncle something like that. Hope you will be ok soon. Take care.

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    I am very sorry to hear about this. And concerned. I think it might be a good idea to telephone Childline. Your father is being abusive towards you all. This is completely unacceptable. If you cannot manage to ring Childline because he is in the house all the time wait until you are at school and go and speak to a teacher. Please do something. And i'm sorry, but however hemned in and under his thumb your mum feels it is her responsiblity to put her children's welfare first. She is failing to do this. This could become a matter for Social Services to intervene. They don't take too kindly to physical violence in the home when there are children there.
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    Are you South Asian or Caucasian

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    I have an abusive father too.
    You know what I do?
    I got 100% my mum's support idgaf about what he thinks. He isn't physically abusive to his children but I do feel threatened around him. Like me and him can't sit in one room together because it's scary af. I'm scared the threats he once gave me to me he will take them out on me alone. Therefore, I just stay out of his eye sight and I do my own thing.

    As you said about your sixthform I suggest you make up some lies and apply somewhere else and get your place at the college you want and feel comfortable at. I have to lie always it's nothing bad but we have a reason to do it cause if we don't they want everything there own way and won't let us live peacefully.

    Stay strong hun x
    You always got me if you ever need to talk



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    (Original post by StationToStation)
    I'm so so so sorry that you have to go through this, and I'm sorry about not being able to give very much advice. Does anyone outside your family know about this - are there maybe some adults at school/in your friend's families that you trust and could tell about this? Do you know if your mum wants to be married to your dad (basically if she wants a divorce you could encourage her to go through with it), and could your mum maybe get your dad to go into any kind of therapy, even if it would just be couples therapy in the beginning? Do you have people you can talk to about how this feels?

    I understand it's hard, but please try to do whatever you can to get the education you want. Try to get into the college you want to go to, work hard, and when the time comes, do whatever you can to get to the university you want to go to. Don't let your dad destroy your future. Whatever happens, in a few years you can get as far away from him as you want.
    Its kind of weird because there are times when he can be super fun and nice...but it barely lasts. Me and my mum talk about him a lot and she has told me before that she is gonna sort it out but as far as i know, she has done nothing.
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    Are you South Asian or Caucasian

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    Caucasian. Why do you ask?
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    (Original post by markova21)
    I am very sorry to hear about this. And concerned. I think it might be a good idea to telephone Childline. Your father is being abusive towards you all. This is completely unacceptable. If you cannot manage to ring Childline because he is in the house all the time wait until you are at school and go and speak to a teacher. Please do something. And i'm sorry, but however hemned in and under his thumb your mum feels it is her responsiblity to put her children's welfare first. She is failing to do this. This could become a matter for Social Services to intervene. They don't take too kindly to physical violence in the home when there are children there.
    Wouldnt getting social service involved make things worse?
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    (Original post by Habina786xx)
    I have an abusive father too.
    You know what I do?
    I got 100% my mum's support idgaf about what he thinks. He isn't physically abusive to his children but I do feel threatened around him. Like me and him can't sit in one room together because it's scary af. I'm scared the threats he once gave me to me he will take them out on me alone. Therefore, I just stay out of his eye sight and I do my own thing.

    As you said about your sixthform I suggest you make up some lies and apply somewhere else and get your place at the college you want and feel comfortable at. I have to lie always it's nothing bad but we have a reason to do it cause if we don't they want everything there own way and won't let us live peacefully.

    Stay strong hun x
    You always got me if you ever need to talk



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    Thank you hun x
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    (Original post by EternalKiss)
    Wouldnt getting social service involved make things worse?
    How can things get much worse? Social Workers will work with the parents and help them. Parenting Classes,Couples Counselling etc. maybe. They are not all about taking children into care. That is the absolute very last resort most times.
 
 
 
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