Am I doing the right thing?

Please help this is driving me crazy! I have been with my bf for about 9 months and I am very much in love with him. I am sure he loves me too. The problem is I think I love him too much. I can't bear to be apart from him, I feel depressed and lonely when I am away from him.

But he is not helping very much. I talked to him a couple of months ago about my obsessive feelings for him, he got very upset so I didn't mention it again. I feel like he doesn't spend enough time with me. At first he said that everything would be ok after he finished his exams in June. However then he said it would be ok and he could spend more time with me after he passed his driving test. He did but his family came over from Greece (he grew up in Greece) so I hardly saw him. When I did see him, his brother came too. They spoke in Greek to each other all the time and did things they wanted to do, so I felt pushed out. One time he said he was going to come and meet me from work but then sent me a jokey text saying he was busy with his brother. I got very upset so he made a big deal of coming to see me for lunch the next day "for a quiet life." He is always going out with one person or another and when I tell him I feel lonely and deserted, he tells me I am being possesive and not fair to him. Some of the things he said to me made me feel quite bad and I have spent a lot of time thinking about them.

I have decided that this relationship isn't good for either of us as obviously we both want different things so I have decided to end it. I don't want to do this as I adore him and can't imagine my life without him but he knows how I feel and doesn't help. I have spoken to him about this problem so many times but nothing changes and I feel this is the only answer. He is at a bbq tonight so I have sent him a message telling him I need to speak to him, so he knows something is wrong. But I really don't know if I am doing the right thing. Maybe his behaviour is normal and I am just overreacting. I just feel he doesn't care like I do, after all I am going to uni in Sept and our time together is precious, but he doesn't see it that way.

I am really unhappy and I am scared that I am doing the wrong thing.

Reply 1

ph9

10

Sorry but I get rid of friends that are that clingy, let alone a boyfriend. I think you need to tone down and not be so dependent. If you can't do that, end it. He clearly doesn't like you coming on this heavy.

Reply 2

.::.Mel.::.

Tbh theres a simple answer to your question.... the first four words of your last sentence
" I am really unhappy"
its not fair on you to be unhappy and to keep feeling bad and its unfair on him to be in a relationship were you and him aren't stable.

Reply 3

khil

15

To be fair, he sounds like he can't handle how affectionate you are, so if you two aren't compatible, then yes, you did the right thing to break up. You two do seem to want different things. You're obviously unhappy with the relationship - to be fair, he sounds like he doesn't care enough to work on it either - so breaking up is the best, I think, before you get yourself even more attached.

There's nothing wrong with being clingy - you just need to find a boyfriend who's fine with that. I'm very clingy, to be honest, but my boyfriend loves that about me. So we're fine. If being affectionate is who you are, what you're like - then either whoever you find needs to accept that and love that, or you can't date him. Simple as. I could not date a guy who doesn't give me the attention I need, and there's nothing wrong with needing that attention as long as you can find someone who's willing to give it to you.

Reply 4

History_is...

6

Sweety you deserve a relationship that makes you happy - being involved with a guy that makes you feel bad for who you are will do serious damage to your self esteem. You have done nothing wrong, so don't take anything he has said about it to heart (easier said than done, I know) you just aren't right for each other right now, and I think you are being very sensible and doing the right thing. xxx

Reply 5

sophisticated

17

If the relationship is making you unhappy, then end it.
In the long run, you will be much better off, and learn some independence when you're single, which will help you in your next relationship.

Reply 6

Viridis

10

I do think that you are slightly obsessive but then again if he can't respect your feelings then i say end it :smile:

Reply 7

username47781

20

Killer_Queen

Please help this is driving me crazy! I have been with my bf for about 9 months and I am very much in love with him. I am sure he loves me too. The problem is I think I love him too much. I can't bear to be apart from him, I feel depressed and lonely when I am away from him.

But he is not helping very much. I talked to him a couple of months ago about my obsessive feelings for him, he got very upset so I didn't mention it again. I feel like he doesn't spend enough time with me. At first he said that everything would be ok after he finished his exams in June. However then he said it would be ok and he could spend more time with me after he passed his driving test. He did but his family came over from Greece (he grew up in Greece) so I hardly saw him. When I did see him, his brother came too. They spoke in Greek to each other all the time and did things they wanted to do, so I felt pushed out. One time he said he was going to come and meet me from work but then sent me a jokey text saying he was busy with his brother. I got very upset so he made a big deal of coming to see me for lunch the next day "for a quiet life." He is always going out with one person or another and when I tell him I feel lonely and deserted, he tells me I am being possesive and not fair to him. Some of the things he said to me made me feel quite bad and I have spent a lot of time thinking about them.

I have decided that this relationship isn't good for either of us as obviously we both want different things so I have decided to end it. I don't want to do this as I adore him and can't imagine my life without him but he knows how I feel and doesn't help. I have spoken to him about this problem so many times but nothing changes and I feel this is the only answer. He is at a bbq tonight so I have sent him a message telling him I need to speak to him, so he knows something is wrong. But I really don't know if I am doing the right thing. Maybe his behaviour is normal and I am just overreacting. I just feel he doesn't care like I do, after all I am going to uni in Sept and our time together is precious, but he doesn't see it that way.

I am really unhappy and I am scared that I am doing the wrong thing.

First of all being clingy is a big turn off in a relationship it's not good at the same time there is no shame in showing affection to your boyfriend, but he isn't exactly being very nice about it. At the same time he is entitled to a bit as space as you are, and he is entitled to have other friends outside the relationship. Think what you both need to do is talk about all these issues and decide where to go from here.

p.s small world you live like 10 minutes from me.

Am I doing the right thing?

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