Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It's a long, complicated story, basically I've liked a male friend for 7 months now (the length of time i've known him) even though I haven't seen him for 3 months and might not see him again until Christmas (but maybe next month).

    He is attracted to me but is going to live in China for a year ,if not more, and doesn't want a relationship (and says he only sees me as a friend anyway).

    I know he's leaving anyway, but I can't help liking him. It's not even that aesthetically he's the most beautiful, he just has something that I like. I think it's that I find him very cute, in a puppy-like way. he's very popular, he's just one of those people who gets on with everyone and everybody says what a great guy he is. Despite this, he has a lot of female friends, but he doesn't tend to have girls falling at his feet.

    He likes me as a person and wants to talk to me. We used to talk daily but I've explained to him that I need to forget these feelings, especially that he's going away. He was disappointed but understood, and says he'll be there waiting when I'm ready to talk again.

    I miss him so much. I've tried to go on other dates, and I know this guy has got some bad qualities, which i've repeated to myself over and over again.

    I'm miserable not speaking to him, because despite this, he was one of my best friends, we spoke all the time ,and we both said that this was silly to stop talking, but that it was for the best.

    I can accept a friendship, but do I have to not speak to him at all? He says that even if we won't see each other, we can be in contact and we can speak whenever I want.

    It's hard, as he's such a lovely guy. I feel stupid not being in contact with him and cutting him out of my life :s
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've known since the beginning that he would be leaving and in a way I kind of wish I hadn't got involved, but at the same time we've become good friends and I am really happy about that, so it's hard to say!
    • #2
    #2

    Like everyone says, if you really love someone let them go, and they will find a way of coming back to you. So I say you let your feelings for him die down for now by occupying yourself with activities, and maybe try going on a few dates. And still remain friends, tell him about the dates you went on, he might end up being jealous, and you never know, one thing might lead to the other amd you both will end up in a relationship.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's a long, complicated story, basically I've liked a male friend for 7 months now (the length of time i've known him) even though I haven't seen him for 3 months and might not see him again until Christmas (but maybe next month).

    He is attracted to me but is going to live in China for a year ,if not more, and doesn't want a relationship (and says he only sees me as a friend anyway).

    I know he's leaving anyway, but I can't help liking him. It's not even that aesthetically he's the most beautiful, he just has something that I like. I think it's that I find him very cute, in a puppy-like way. he's very popular, he's just one of those people who gets on with everyone and everybody says what a great guy he is. Despite this, he has a lot of female friends, but he doesn't tend to have girls falling at his feet.

    He likes me as a person and wants to talk to me. We used to talk daily but I've explained to him that I need to forget these feelings, especially that he's going away. He was disappointed but understood, and says he'll be there waiting when I'm ready to talk again.

    I miss him so much. I've tried to go on other dates, and I know this guy has got some bad qualities, which i've repeated to myself over and over again.

    I'm miserable not speaking to him, because despite this, he was one of my best friends, we spoke all the time ,and we both said that this was silly to stop talking, but that it was for the best.

    I can accept a friendship, but do I have to not speak to him at all? He says that even if we won't see each other, we can be in contact and we can speak whenever I want.

    It's hard, as he's such a lovely guy. I feel stupid not being in contact with him and cutting him out of my life :s
    Personally, from the experiences I've seen and had, I don't think that just cutting contact with someone is necessarily that helpful in getting over them. That will happen naturally with time, and it's not really something you can try and do. I'd imagine when he goes away you'll speak less due to distance and him being busy and it'll probably just fade out. However, you do need to be clear in your head that he doesn't want to have a relationship with you. Don't tell yourself he might want one when he gets back because you'll end up waiting for that, and he's already made clear he sees you as a friend only.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's a long, complicated story, basically I've liked a male friend for 7 months now (the length of time i've known him) even though I haven't seen him for 3 months and might not see him again until Christmas (but maybe next month).

    He is attracted to me but is going to live in China for a year ,if not more, and doesn't want a relationship (and says he only sees me as a friend anyway).

    I know he's leaving anyway, but I can't help liking him. It's not even that aesthetically he's the most beautiful, he just has something that I like. I think it's that I find him very cute, in a puppy-like way. he's very popular, he's just one of those people who gets on with everyone and everybody says what a great guy he is. Despite this, he has a lot of female friends, but he doesn't tend to have girls falling at his feet.

    He likes me as a person and wants to talk to me. We used to talk daily but I've explained to him that I need to forget these feelings, especially that he's going away. He was disappointed but understood, and says he'll be there waiting when I'm ready to talk again.

    I miss him so much. I've tried to go on other dates, and I know this guy has got some bad qualities, which i've repeated to myself over and over again.

    I'm miserable not speaking to him, because despite this, he was one of my best friends, we spoke all the time ,and we both said that this was silly to stop talking, but that it was for the best.

    I can accept a friendship, but do I have to not speak to him at all? He says that even if we won't see each other, we can be in contact and we can speak whenever I want.

    It's hard, as he's such a lovely guy. I feel stupid not being in contact with him and cutting him out of my life :s
    I don't agree with the above poster and also speaking from personal experience and others I have found that cutting contact is always the best thing to do. You can't 'move on' if your essentially in the same predicament you were in when you had those feelings. He needs to leave your life which means to cut all contact / ties etc. The only way to get over someone is to find another person or to have a sufficiently long period of time where they are not talking to you that you forget about them. If you choose to stay in contact with this man you will never get over the feelings you have for him - they will always linger and hope that maybe something will change and you can be together.
    My advice is to cut ALL CONTACT - zero communication and deal with feeling like **** for a month and focus on other guys/hobbies/work/uni etc.
    Once one person likes another in a friendship it can never return to what it was before. This is from my experience of asking out a few girls i was 'besties' with.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I had the same issue with a girl I didn't know but tried to get to know.
    I would say, from my own experiences, trying to get over someone requires time and effort.
    I can't get over a girl I truly fell in love with, however, knowing I'd never see her again and the fact there's more than jus one girl in the world, my heart, loosely but not fully, let her go.


    I can't agree with your above poster, it's hard to interpret. But as I said from above, if he shows signs of not caring about you, let him go from your heart and find another. It happens for a reason, one reason being, ''You're looking too early for the one''.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Do not cut all contact. I believe it is a childish thing to do, and is designed to hurt the other person along with yourself. If you really like the other person you wouldn't do that.

    If he's gone, start dating other people. The attraction will fade over time... you can always Skype. Just focus on meeting new people and dating them.

    Just be cool about it. He doesn't want to date you, so I just don't waste your valuable time chasing him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks a lot for the replies I completely accept what he says, there were just a few misleading signals recently (won't go into it) but he's made it very clear he's sexually attracted, at least. This confused me and set me back a little. But I know it will never happen, and I don't want to lose the friendship. I think it's about me focusing on meeting new people. I will definitely get in contact again soon though
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 24, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.