crazy mum?!

Anonymous, because of friends seeing, etc. When I was younger, I admit I was a complete pain and my mum and I rarely got on. Now i've grown up, we seem to be getting on great except just recently she's finding the littlest thing possible to start an argument with me.

For instance, just now I was helping her put a vase with artificial flowers back (we'd cleaned the carpet in the front room) and I was trying to figure out which way it went and didn't put it down properly and it landed on it's side (nothing broken) and then one of the flowers was stuck in my hair (i'm a little clumsy... okay a lot clumsy) and I made a joke out of it. But she went completely mental, calling me names and saying how dumb I am, how i'll never make anything of myself and how i'm just like my Dad.

She completely lost it and now it's all my fault :rolleyes:

I just want to hit her. I know she's going through a rough time at the min, but so am I. My grandad (her dad) has been diagnosed with three different types of cancer and it's tough on the whole family, but she always goes off at me... never my brother. I try walking away to let her cool down, she comes after me shouting abuse. I go out, when I get back she's on at me. I can be very argumentative so I just shout back at her when i've had enough of her on at me, but I think that just makes things worse. I just don't know what to do to get her off my case.

Help?!

Reply 1

username47781

Is she suffering from depression?

Reply 2

daniel_williams

well i'm sure she's got a lon on her mind with the health of your grandad, but i know with my family that arguments are between myself adn my dad and my middle brother and my mum purely because we have similar personalities and we just conflict.

although i don't mean to sound horrible here but your your mum is probably coming to that age of her life where her hormones are changing, when this starts to happen you do see MAJOR changes to their personality and they can become quite unreasonable. jsut give it time and i'm sure things will settle down a bit.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Rock Fan

Is she suffering from depression?

Not that I know of... she's always been like this, especially with my Dad.

daniel_williams

you do see MAJOR changes to their personality and they can become quite unreasonable. jsut give it time and i'm sure things will settle down a bit.

Yeah, she is going through "the change" but the last year or so she's really been making me feel like crap. Not to mention the fact she said I was a mistake and wished i'd never been born, which she's since apologised about (and my mum never apologises, she's as stubborn as they come). However, that doesn't make it okay, knowing that I wasn't really wanted. I can't help but think i'm a waste of space and that's why she's getting at me :s-smilie:

She's never been proud of the fact that I got into university, I always feel like i'm competing with my brother too - just to get her attention. I've never lived up to her expectations either, because I feel like i'm living in my brother's shadow.

Reply 4

hannah_dru

Depends on her age I guess it could be the menopause or PMS?

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

omg u sound just like me haha, i posted earlier ...the 'i cant cope anymore' thread. me and my mum are both stubborn, we get into arguments for the sake of it...its actually like she likes arguing?! and she will not back down. i was also a 'mistake' as i came just at the point when her and my dad had broken up and shed just started her career as a teacher. i am always the ones she nags at (even tho i have other siblings who can get away with murder) so i cant really help as im in the same situation, just thought id say that other people have the same problems! well, i do anyway! ha for example today, i emptied the dishwasher...rather than saying thankyou, she said 'well why didnt u bother loading the other plates' (i had done, but since id been back downstairs, people had added more stuff! :rolleyes:

Reply 6

littlelesslostboys

If her hormones are going crazy as it is, the emotional stress of your grandpa won't be doing much to help. It sounds like she's suffering from a mild form of depression/anxiety usually associated with, as you called it, "the change", which is quite normal but, unfortunately for you, doesn't make things any easier. She probably bothers you and not your brother because she knows she'll get a rise from you, she knows you'll argue back, as horrible as that sounds. But it sounds like that's exactly what she wants with all of these mixed feelings shooting all over the place.

If she has nobody to talk to, it's all she can really do to express herself over the whole ordeal, and whilst it might be hard for you, it's probably twice as hard for her but she can't say anything about it because she's your mom. She'll see herself as supposed to be the "strong one" to look after you during hard times.

Talk to her, instead of shouting, ask her if she's sure everything is okay. Try to let the little things slide. People say a lot of things in the heat of the moment and I know the whole "you were a mistake" is one of the worst to hear, but her apologising shows she obviously didn't mean it. A lot of the time that line comes when the parents sees a lot of themself in their kid and are really aiming their anger indirectly at themselves. Despite how it comes across.

A lot of parents find it difficult to express that they're proud of them, to their children, that they're pleased with how they turned out, that they love them. But just because they don't say it doesn't mean they don't feel it. Anyone with older siblings are always stuck to walk in their shadows, they just have to try to not let it get to them and live their own life how they want. Constantly comparing yourself to someone else doesn't help you get where you want. Wanting to do it despite it, does.

As my mom says to me, "I'm still an eighteen year old in my head, it's just my body that can't keep up and it's frustrating".

Reply 7

k-lee C

my mum is quite like that without any stress-related causes. except i don't argue back. ever. i just bite my tongue, whilst exploding on the inside. but she will flip out over nonsense and then switch and be all airy and happy minutes later.

i just don't understand them.

(i almost forgot! a :hugs:

for you. hope that YOU are okay...however stressed your mum is, i'm sure you are too! without the added stress of her biting your head off at every opportunity. i think some calm words are needed. and a bit of bonding. and perhaps show your mum that you cann support her much better if she will just...think before she goes off on one?)

Reply 8

abc101

Aww, that's really harsh, you must be feeling pretty crap about it. Her dad's illness must be causing her a lot of grief, and the menopause can have a massive effect on someone's emotions, but it still must be hurtful for you. Maybe she takes it out on you because she's closer to you than your brother, or you're around her more so you're more of a target? Perhaps when she's in a calm mood you can sit her down and talk to her about how upset this is making you. Good luck :hugs:

Reply 9

Unregistered

Well, if she and your dad are having problems and you remind her of him... then that'll be alot to do with it.