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A girl who I have been getting close with has been abused as a child and lied to me. Watch

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    I met a girl at university with whom I got on really well. Our relationship began as sexual but has now progressed to something more.
    I think its important to mention that she lives in a different country before going on.
    I really like this girl and can see us being in a relationship however she shows the signs of a person who has been abused as a child such as nightmares, random aches and pains, high stress and body issues as well as high promiscuity.
    She recently told me about instances of her dad beating her and her being raped and then went on to tell me that she made these up due to contact from her childhood abuser who happens to be a relative. She could not fully explain why she did this. She recently went to the doctor and is seeking help.
    I don't quite know how to deal with this situation as we have not "been together" for a long time.
    I would like to help her but this makes it very hard for me to trust her and I don't know whether or not we can build a relationship on this basis.
    Any advice would be appreciated.
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    My genuine advice is to just focus first on whether or not you actually really like her.

    Aside from these things, do you see a future with this woman? Or at least a relatively long-term/happy relationship?

    If so, don't let it scare you away. People don't expect you to know how to deal with their problems and the biggest favour you can do to anyone suffering like that is don't try and blag your way through helping. I know it's tempting to do that so you feel like you have something to say but don't.
    "I really don't know how to help or what to say but I care about you and I'm here if you want to talk about it to me" is probably one of the most helpful things you can hear.

    People with issues don't want other people, least of all our partners, to try and fix us or manage our issues for us. We just want understanding and compassion and to be treated like a normal person and not like a time bomb. She's already seeking help, so she's trying to sort it herself already.

    If you're concerned about trust, just say to her that you're completely okay with it if she doesn't want to explain something like that and she doesn't have to make up lies as some kind of reason for something. You'd rather have no answer than a fake one, but that you're comfortable with whatever truth she gives to you as well. It is fair to tell her this but remember, her not telling you about childhood abuse does not mean she thinks you're not worthy of trust.

    It is painfully hard to tell anyone about this kind of thing EVEN MORE SO people that you actually care about and who you know care about you. So don't take this as an indicator of her truthfulness because it isn't about that for survivors. It's about making peace with it yourself before you can even begin to come clean with others.

    If you like her go for it and support her, there's tons of information about it online.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met a girl at university with whom I got on really well. Our relationship began as sexual but has now progressed to something more.
    I think its important to mention that she lives in a different country before going on.
    I really like this girl and can see us being in a relationship however she shows the signs of a person who has been abused as a child such as nightmares, random aches and pains, high stress and body issues as well as high promiscuity.
    She recently told me about instances of her dad beating her and her being raped and then went on to tell me that she made these up due to contact from her childhood abuser who happens to be a relative. She could not fully explain why she did this. She recently went to the doctor and is seeking help.
    I don't quite know how to deal with this situation as we have not "been together" for a long time.
    I would like to help her but this makes it very hard for me to trust her and I don't know whether or not we can build a relationship on this basis.
    Any advice would be appreciated.
    Its hard for someone to deal with issues that happen to them personally, although you shouldn't have trust issues because she did tell you the truth and you seem to have strong feelings just stay supportive and be there for her if you just give up on her she may seem alone
 
 
 
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