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My friends bf is coming onto me...help!

Hey, i kinda need some advice on the following:

Recently one of my friends bf started to text and email me and each time its more and more flirty. At first i thought he was just joking cos his gf (my friend) is really attractive, whereas i wouldn't consider myself attractive, so when i'd text back whatever i said was meant to be light hearted and jokey. However its my bday in a couple of months and this guy has started telling me he wants to give me a "special present" if you know what i mean. Again i thought he was joking, but when he dropped me off home one night he kissed me. I really don't know what to do! I would never consider sleeping with this guy, cos i couldn't hurt my friend, so i guess i need a way of telling this guy to stop pestering me, whilst still letting him know that i'd like to stay friends, cos him and my friend live together, so it would be awkward if we fell out. Sorry for the long post! Advice please.......

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Tell him that if he doesn't back off you will tell your friend what a sleaze he is. I'd be tempted to tell her anyway, do you know you are the only girl he is hassling?
Reply 2
Tell your friend.
Reply 3
bunthulhu
Tell your friend.


Never under any circumstances tell your friend

I have been in this situation. If you tell your friend, the following things could happen

a) she confronts him, they have a row, break up, she becomes angry at you for leading him on/flirting with him, then she gets back together with him and you are in the doghouse
b) she says you are jealous or he denies it and she takes his side

Just keep your distance from him and tell him to stop contacting you, even better get hold of his phone and delete your number from it

Spend time with her when he is not around
Reply 4
bunthulhu
Tell your friend.


from what it looks - as they're living together - i'd say your friend has faith and trust in this guy, and telling her now would destroy this nice little thing she has to lean back on! What i think you should do is talk to the guy, tell him how you feel, and maybe even ask him why he is doing this? if he seems persistent, i'd suggest telling you friend or at least hinting it to her because no matter the consequences, it'll be better than leading her deeper into this false illusion, as this guy obviously isn't what she imagines him to be!

sorry for the long post lol, i'm in one of those good moods :p:
Reply 5
I dunno, personally I'd want to know if the guy I was LIVING with was up to no good, with my friends no less. If he's got no problem doing it with your mate, he certainly won't have a problem doing it with a random.
Reply 6
Tell Her Doit Do It
Fleece does have a point, I would personally tell her that her boyfriend had been coming onto me if i was in her shoes. But as someone said further up she might then blame her friend and not her boyfriend. One thing is for sure your friend deserves so much better, think you have to think also how would you feel if it was you that was being done to. I would first tell him to stop coming onto you.
Reply 8
Fleece
I dunno, personally I'd want to know if the guy I was LIVING with was up to no good, with my friends no less. If he's got no problem doing it with your mate, he certainly won't have a problem doing it with a random.


Exactly, if I was the friend I'd want to know, which is why I would tell her.

em1n3m
from what it looks - as they're living together - i'd say your friend has faith and trust in this guy, and telling her now would destroy this nice little thing she has to lean back on! What i think you should do is talk to the guy, tell him how you feel, and maybe even ask him why he is doing this? if he seems persistent, i'd suggest telling you friend or at least hinting it to her because no matter the consequences, it'll be better than leading her deeper into this false illusion, as this guy obviously isn't what she imagines him to be!

sorry for the long post lol, i'm in one of those good moods :p:


See now, I'd say that the guy has already destroyed the nice little thing.

Rokit
Never under any circumstances tell your friend

I have been in this situation. If you tell your friend, the following things could happen

a) she confronts him, they have a row, break up, she becomes angry at you for leading him on/flirting with him, then she gets back together with him and you are in the doghouse
b) she says you are jealous or he denies it and she takes his side

Just keep your distance from him and tell him to stop contacting you, even better get hold of his phone and delete your number from it

Spend time with her when he is not around


And let him keep treating my friend like crap? No thanks.
Maybe hes trying to set up a 3 some? And thats the 'special' present?
You could ask her to delete your number from his phone, tell her he's been mock-flirting with you and it makes you uncomfortable and would rather it stopped but that you think he's just mucking about?

It feels like the coward's way out to me, but I can understand some of the posts that say she might resent you for breaking them up so perhaps its best to dangle the carrot and let her find out for herself?!
Anonymous
my friends bf started to text and email me and each time its more and more flirty
... this guy has started telling me he wants to give me a "special present" if you know what i mean.
... when he dropped me off home one night he kissed me. I really don't know what to do!
... I'd like to stay friends, cos him and my friend live together, so it would be awkward if we fell out.
Them living together isn't reason enough to be friendly with him. She can plan and implement his departure if she needs to. And if you fancy him even the tiniest bit, then consider the strength of your friendship and that there are ~500,000 other men your age in the UK.

Solution:
1 - Collate and print out irrefutable proof against him, supporting your innocence. Text transcripts and emails will do.
2 - Excommunicate him. Delete/move to blocked lists on your phone, facebook, IM, email, etc.
3 - Tell your friend, show proof, show her you've excommunicated the boy, reaffirm your loyalty to her and offer support.
4a - If she doesn't confront him or blames you, then you've identified sufficiently poor judgement to impair her closefriendability. Gradually phase out your contact while making new friends.
4b - And if she gets her love life in order while staying good with you, then she passes your fab friend test! :biggrin:
Reply 12
I think it would be a much much stickier situation if the OP DIDN'T tell her friend, but then the friend found out about whatever's going on from someone else (even the boyfriend).

These things always have away of coming out in the end.
TheShrimp
I think it would be a much much stickier situation if the OP DIDN'T tell her friend, but then the friend found out about whatever's going on from someone else (even the boyfriend).

These things always have away of coming out in the end.


Urgh! What a sleazy mofo.

Personally, I think I'd tell your mate. She's going to be hurt, yes, but her relationship is a complete joke and she's investing time in this guy - so much time, in fact, she's opted to live with him.
She may, at first, refuse to believe you/be very pissed off, but you'll be doing her the biggest favour and she'll come round in the end.
Just imagine if you didn't tell her and she found out that this had happened after he tries it on with some other girl? That would not be pretty.
Be a decent mate and do the right thing.
Reply 14
If you are a true friend of your female friend, you should at the very least have the courtesy to tell her what is going on. But depending on her personality she may react adversely. You've got to do it sincerely and gently like "friends name, i have to tell you something important - you may be shocked and i think its important" or something along those lines, then proceeding how HE has been pushing it and how you don't know what to do and ask her for HER advice to make her think u are the victim and need help or else she'll think u are the one taking her bf and not the other way around. Well please let me know how it gets on - very interesting case here, - PM if you need to talk about it more

p
Reply 15
ok, heres why i dont know whether or not to tell my friend:
They have a 6 month old child.
Plus, rumour has it that the bf told another of her mates that he would leave my friend to be with her, and apparently my friends knows this but has chosen to ignore it, and now she doesn't speak to this friend.....hence my relunctance........i'm sooooo confused!!!!!!
Reply 16
Expecting that your friend should believe you in the absence of incontrovertible evidence would imply that you simply don't understand how love works. Don't 'tell' her; show her.
Well the child is not going up in a happy environment with all this going on. It seems he is fearing committment.
Reply 18
Anonymous
ok, heres why i dont know whether or not to tell my friend:
They have a 6 month old child.
Plus, rumour has it that the bf told another of her mates that he would leave my friend to be with her, and apparently my friends knows this but has chosen to ignore it, and now she doesn't speak to this friend.....hence my relunctance........i'm sooooo confused!!!!!!



So they have a child? What a bloody mess

You could try to reiterate it to her but you risk her not speaking to you (childish I know but there are loads of women who would chose this option) or finally seeing the light
Reply 19
She might be clinging onto him for the sake of their child. I dont know many women who want to raise a child on their own