Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Okay so I'm a 18yr old straight girl who has been in a relationship for over 2 years. So today I saw on my boyfriends phone that he had Grindr downloaded, and after clicking on it I discovered that he'd been messgaing people on there and had sent pics etc but all in a fake identity. When I confronted him about it he told me he was bi which obviously came as a bit of a shock to me but the fact he's bi is not a problem for me.

    I asked him why he had never told me before and he said he was too scared of how I would react and that it would mean I would break up with him. However my main issue was why he was messaging other guys behind my back, his response to this question was 'I don't know, I just wanted to see how other people like me cope' He is adamant that he has never met up with anyone he's spoken and that he never would have done and was in absolute floods of tears telling me how much he loved me and that he was really sorry for what he'd done but just didn't know how to deal with it. He wanted to talk to people but didn't want it to be anyone he knew.

    I still really love him and don't want to lose him but I am very concerned about the fact he's been messaging guys and felt the need to go on grindr rather than seek support from a helpline. I don't quite know what to do and was wondering if anyone had any advice or has been in a similar situation.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I know some gay men do use these apps just to talk, for support (though Grindr? That's more of a 'get with' dating app?) - so I can see why people who are bi may do the same.
    Still, if his sexual feelings are directed to you, I wonder why his other attractions matter? I'm not bi, so maybe I'm missing something here.
    Just talk to him; tell him what bothers you, and see if he can reassure you
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay so I'm a 18yr old straight girl who has been in a relationship for over 2 years. So today I saw on my boyfriends phone that he had Grindr downloaded, and after clicking on it I discovered that he'd been messgaing people on there and had sent pics etc but all in a fake identity. When I confronted him about it he told me he was bi which obviously came as a bit of a shock to me but the fact he's bi is not a problem for me.

    I asked him why he had never told me before and he said he was too scared of how I would react and that it would mean I would break up with him. However my main issue was why he was messaging other guys behind my back, his response to this question was 'I don't know, I just wanted to see how other people like me cope' He is adamant that he has never met up with anyone he's spoken and that he never would have done and was in absolute floods of tears telling me how much he loved me and that he was really sorry for what he'd done but just didn't know how to deal with it. He wanted to talk to people but didn't want it to be anyone he knew.

    I still really love him and don't want to lose him but I am very concerned about the fact he's been messaging guys and felt the need to go on grindr rather than seek support from a helpline. I don't quite know what to do and was wondering if anyone had any advice or has been in a similar situation.
    Totally understand you being concerned, at the same time I can understand him being worried, but at the same time if he wants to be with you then he shouldn't be on dating sites.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    It appears he has some difficulties in coming to terms with his bisexuality. However, going on Grindr and messaging guys is unacceptable because he's betraying you.

    I think this is a sign that your boyfriend does want to experiment with guys and may be in denial about it. I think you need to have a frank discussion with him about what he wants and go from there. If you decide to stay with him then make it clear if he betrays you again then it's over.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 26, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.