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I'm not normal like other people, don't like sex or drinking. Just wanted advice. Watch

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    I'm female, past mid twenties now and just don't care for sex. I never bothered dating when I was younger I didn't put much effort into my appearance but didn't attract. My goals in life were keeping fit (I felt being in Shape was better than nice clothes) and working towards some career. I would have dated guys but as I said I didn't get much attention but it didn't bother me much as I enjoy my own company and didn't have the urge to have sex. I've been in a relationship for a while now but there are problems as I just don't like sex. It hurts and I worry about catching sti's that can't be tested for (herpes and hpv) as he is older and has had many partners. He once tried oral sex with a cold sore and when I told him not to he just called me a passion killer and said that herpes is not spread that way. I know that it is but didn't argue with him as he seemed annoyed. He said that he told some women who I used to be friends with that I don't like sex/passion etc and he said that they said they don't know how he has put up with me for so long. He asked them to have a word with me apparently but they wouldn't, to be honest I'm not even close friends with them. I would be but I think they see me as nerd lol. The thing is I don't want people knowing about my sex (or lack of) life. He said he had no one to turn to but he could have told his mates instead.

    It might sound odd but even though sex does nothing for me I can still get turned on when I'm on my own. For as long as I remember I've always been very turned on by the thought of spanking but I've never told anyone and never will. I just don't want people knowing and telling others etc. The thought of massage also turns me on but again I just can't bring myself to tell anyone. I can orgasm very quickly when I'm on my own just imagining situations lol, Ive always been like this, sex has always been a very private individual thing for me. I don't like intercourse kissing or oral the thought of kissing my boyfriend annoys me (partly cause he has kissed me in the past with a cold sore and not told me). I know that couples do this and it may not be a big deal but I've always been a bit OCD about health etc, I'd like to go through life as disease free as possible if possible even though I work on hospital wards! But yea the bottom line is I'm just no good for my boyfriend. He has been patient at times but I'm far too private and keep many of my thoughts to myself. I can get a little turned on by hugging him etc but any more than this and it's like overkill to me.

    I'm forever being called abnormal by my boyfriend and I suppose I am, I'd like to be someone else for a day just to see what it's like to be relatively normal. Even my dress sense is very plain and I've never had stylish hair. I also am not interested in things that others are. I don't like drinking or clubbing. It is ok in short bursts but after 20 minutes Ive got headache and want to go home to my quiet room to do my own thing. I would like to be normal, fit in but I don't know why I'm like I am. I tell myself that I'm fine I can enjoy life in my own way but I'm not like other people. Just wanted advice, is there something wrong with me that needs fixing as my boyfriend seems to suggest.
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    firstly you're on anonymous and have no question, what do you want?

    [EDIT] I did not read the title, dump him.
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    Advice: ditch the boyfriend.
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    There's nothing wrong with you, your passions or your values.
    There is something wrong with him calling you names because of them.
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    Ditch that ******* of a boyfriend
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    Yeah your boyfriend is being unreasonable and horrible, I second ditch him.
    He's telling you there's something wrong with you when there isn't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and what you're experiencing is an abusive relationship.
    - Pressuring you into sex/physical activities you don't want either physically or making you feel stupid/wrong for not doing it.
    - Shaming you by telling your friends personal/private details.
    - Trying to make you feel like you're crazy and it's your fault.

    It is not your fault you don't like sex with him and if that doesn't work for him he should leave (but so should you). Instead he has tried to manipulate you.

    I do recommend you see a therapist, but not for the issues your boyfriend has said. Tell them about your boyfriend's behaviour.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm forever being called abnormal by my boyfriend and I suppose I am, I'd like to be someone else for a day just to see what it's like to be relatively normal. Even my dress sense is very plain and I've never had stylish hair. I also am not interested in things that others are. I don't like drinking or clubbing. It is ok in short bursts but after 20 minutes Ive got headache and want to go home to my quiet room to do my own thing. I would like to be normal, fit in but I don't know why I'm like I am. I tell myself that I'm fine I can enjoy life in my own way but I'm not like other people. Just wanted advice, is there something wrong with me that needs fixing as my boyfriend seems to suggest.
    This upset me a bit because it drags up some feelings I had a while ago and I just wish I could hug you and help you out more with this. You are wonderful just as you are and you deserve someone who sees that. I don't like drinking or clubbing either, I get migraine headaches and I have anxiety so the situation is so unpleasant for me I just want to stay at home. There is nothing wrong with it. I have health anxiety too, sometimes, but I don't think it's abnormal to not want to kiss someone with herpes or have oral sex from them. You set your boundaries and never let your boyfriend tell you there's something wrong with you for just being the way you are.

    Your sex drive could have a lot to do with the fact your boyfriend is so awful. Or perhaps you simply just don't like sex that much, it could be anything. Have you researched asexuality? Asexuals can still become aroused and engage in masturbation, it's just when it comes down to actual sex things aren't so peachy.

    If you need any extra advice or help, don't hesitate to PM me, I will also watch this thread as much as I can.
 
 
 
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