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Positive Pregnancy Test.

I posted about a boy a few weeks ago ( http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9240655&highlight=doormat#post9240655 ) and have today found out I'm pregnant. I have told him, and he's being far more supportive than I ever imagined he'd be. I thought my only option really was for an abortion... I *think* i'm only 3 weeks gone, as I did have a period 6 weeks ago. However I went to the dr today who told me that could have been a "false" period. If it's longer, then it could still be his, however there are a few other possibilities.

I don't know what to do now. I was sure a few hours ago that I couldn't possibly have a baby now. I'm just finished with my 2nd year at uni, it'd be a waste. And even though I could go into my chosen field (accountancy) without a degree, I don't want to waste the last 2 years.

This boys being amazing. He's told me he doesn't particularly want to be a father, and would prefer me to have an abortion, but its my decision. I think he'll support me whatever, I'm trying to get him to meet up with me so we can discuss it in person.

I feel traumatised by it all, I have no idea what I want to do now. I'd love to be a mum, but I don't know if I could cope on my own, if the timings right.... I don't know what to do anymore :-( I've told my housemate, who is being very very supportive.. But she just keeps telling me its my decision. I can't make this decision on my own :-(

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Reply 1

username47781

I don't mean to be horrible but this is what happens, I have a horrible feeling he might just be saying that just to make you feel better. Remember this guy used you for sex, sounds like he didn't even bother with protection.

It would be a waste to quit now after 2 years but I am sure even if you had the baby you can still finish your degree.

At the end of the day though only you know whether you want an abortion or not, but please in future use some sort of protection, I know bit late for that now.

Reply 2

yellow96

While I'm 100% for abortion, and it's certainly what I'd do if I was in your situation, I think you have to not want to be a mother to justify it to yourself in the long run. If you want to be a mother, I'm sure you'll find a way of coping somehow; but even if you find that you can't cope, there's always adoption. What I'm getting at is that circumstances can be altered to better suit your needs, but feelings can be pretty resolute. If you want to be a mother, then be a mother.

Reply 3

Double Agent

Anonymous

This boys being amazing. He's told me he doesn't particularly want to be a father, and would prefer me to have an abortion, but its my decision.

This is being amazing? Have you spoken to your parents about this? I know you're not at home anymore, but it may help. Its a big decision, and an abortion will be with you for the rest of your life. Get all the support you can, friends, family etc. Overall, do what you think is right.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Oh dear OP :hugs:

Well, at the end of the day only you can decide what's best. If you do decide to have the baby I am sure the uni would let you take a year out, based on mitigating circumstances. However, can you face doing it alone? Whilst there is never any guarantee the bloke involved will stick around or not, you've probably got slightly less chance with a one night stand.

I have been in your situation (I fell pregnant during my second year of uni with my long-term boyfriend) and I opted for an abortion. Although there was a part of me that wanted to have the baby, I knew it would be best to finish my degree and get a job first. For me anyway. I don't really regret the decision.

You say you think it's about three weeks and you're probably right. False periods aren't too common, although it is possible. Just so you know, if you decide to abort it isn't as unpleasant in the early stages. Not as unpleasant as it could be.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Reply 5

loopymeg

Are you sure that this boy will support you when the time comes? That is one of the main issues, because you shouldn't have to go through with this and then lose any support that you were counting on.

There's no reason why you can't have the baby and continue with your course, and there's a girl around here somewhere who has taken years out to have her kids, and then gone back to uni for a year, etc.... So you shouldn't have to worry about giving up with your degree.

The big question is whether or not you want this baby. Do you want to be a mother now? Are you ready to have a child? Have a good chat with your housemate and any other close friends, and see what sort of decision you come to.

It's completely upto you... Just have a good think about whether or not you want this baby. If you do, then there should be nothing to stop you from postponing your course for a year or so. If you don't, then you'll have to sort things out. Either way, you need to make sure that you've got support - for making the decision, and of course, going through with whatever you decide.

Reply 6

Unregistered

I think you should keep it, if you could support yourself financially?

Reply 7

randomgirl

Well, do you want a child? Are you alright with the possibility of being a single parent? Can you afford to care for a child?

If the answer to all those is yes, then maybe go ahead? But you need to be sure that it's what you want.

Would you rather have an abortion and have your first child later in life, when perhaps you are more financially secure and have a degree under your belt?

Have you spoken to anybody IRL, friends? parents? sister? Perhaps you should do that.

In the end, it is your decision, nobody elses. :smile:

Reply 8

olibubble

i cant really add any advice that hast already been said,

the only thing i can add is, if you had a period 6 weejks ago, u are 6 weeks gone, not 3.

pregnancy is 40 weeks from the first day of your last period. so wen you are 12 weeks, its 12 weeks from your period, not from conception.

Reply 9

Rennie

I can't tell you what to do in this situation but I know in myself I could not have the child. Mostly because I don't want to have children. However, you say you want to have children. Make sure you are willing to throw away the opportunity of having a child before you go ahead and do it. You don't want to end up regretting it in the future.

About this guy- he doesn't sound exactly supporting actually. He doesn't want to be a father and he was using you for sex in the first place. I can't imagine if that's all he wanted that he would fully support you in the future. Some guys surprise you though, so I'm not completely ruling it out.

I suggest you sit down and talk about it with someone you're close to. A family member or a good friend. They know you and they'll be able to better advise you. But remember that it is, primarily, your decision.

Reply 10

Ruaidhri

I don’t think you can count on this dude really. Despite being male, Id get shut of the baby, but I obviously don’t know what it feels like to be pregnant. Its hard enough work establishing yourself as a proper adult after university without having to take care of a kid as well, you don’t want to be old before your time. This fella sounds like a liability so I don’t think you could count on him for much either. Personally, id treat it as a case of **** happening, having an abortion and moving on. But again, im only a fella so I don’t know what it ‘feels’ like, but then again that feeling of the prospect of being a mum, and all the romanticised attachments of that, may just cloud otherwise sound judgement. Its only my opinion though.

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

When I had an abortion a couple of months ago, the father was a guy I'd only been seeing for sex. He said he'd be supportive when I told him about the pregnancy, but the minute he knew the abortion was scheduled, he disappeared and I didn't hear from him until I was recovered and he wanted to get back to our old routine.

"Wanting to be a mother" does not mean you HAVE to be one. I still want children, in fact children are the only thing I absolutely want in my life, but I am still at university, I was not in a stable relationship and I was not financially able to care for the child - neither was the father, who is legally obliged to provide financial support for any child, whether or not he wants it. This guy you're with sounds like he'll say anything to make you feel better, but I very much doubt he means it.

Think carefully about it, but don't feel like this is your only chance for children. Don't let people make you feel guilty about your decision - it is YOUR BODY. Somebody said above that an abortion is with you for life - this is FALSE, a CHILD IS WITH YOU FOR LIFE, and abortion takes only a few days if you have one early enough. My abortion was only three months ago, and it feels like it never happened now.

You are still young, and being a parent is not something that stops when the child turns 18. Please please think carefully and do not get caught up in the romantic ideals of what having a baby is like. An abortion is just a short event, you can continue your life afterwards and it is not something dirty or shameful. Seek professional guidance, and do not rely on the man to stick to his word.

Reply 12

loopymeg

Anonymous

Somebody said above that an abortion is with you for life - this is FALSE, a CHILD IS WITH YOU FOR LIFE, and abortion takes only a few days if you have one early enough. My abortion was only three months ago, and it feels like it never happened now.

Actually, that person was right. An abortion can be a big thing even for a woman who does not want a child, and some people need a lot of help to get over it. Just because you had an abortion and feel fine about it doesn't mean that other women will feel the same.

Reply 13

username47781

One thing is for sure, abortion will mess you up big time, it is not something you can just pretend that didn't happen at all.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Rock Fan

One thing is for sure, abortion will mess you up big time, it is not something you can just pretend that didn't happen at all.

I wouldn't say it will mess you up big time "for sure". Yes it's upsetting, but I was surprised how well I coped.
It's not pleasant but it certainly isn't going to ruin your life if you make that decision for the right reasons.

Reply 15

loopymeg

Anonymous

It's not pleasant but it certainly isn't going to ruin your life if you make that decision for the right reasons.

Due to the hormones in the body when the woman is pregnant, it's very easy for her to end up very upset after having an abortion. So even if the decision was made for the right reasons, there's still a very good chance that the poor girl will be affected by it.

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

I wasn't talking about pretence, I'm talking about perceptions of abortion. It messes up your body, yes, and I needed counselling to deal with the emotional repercussions, but my point is that an abortion is less intrusive on your life than a full-term pregnancy and a child. I'm never going to forget I had an abortion, every time the word is mentioned I remember going through it, but just because abortion is still socially taboo and people try to make you feel guilty for it does NOT mean it's not an option or is worse than keeping the baby.

OP, please get professional help, this is a very stressful situation to be in and you need to know all of your options and consider your responsibility to the child. Before I discovered I was pregnant, I thought I was sure of exactly what I would do and how I feel, but when it happens, it's a different story. You do not have to be alone in this, but strangers on an internet forum will not give you the support you need - a family planning clinic and a counsellor will serve you much better. Good luck.

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

loopymeg

And it's also very easy for her to feel perfectly fine, relieved and happy - there's a good chance it won't affect her at all. Hormones are not always the same.

Reply 18

loopymeg

Yes, but it's better to be honest and say that there's a fair chance that she won't be perfectly fine afterwards, don'tcha think?

I'd hate to have someone convince me that I'll be perfectly alright after an abortion and then end up in an emotional state afterwards.

Reply 19

matt@internet

Let's see if I can make my point without being flamed. Obviously I'm a bloke so I can't experience pregnancy. Personally, in my honest opinion, unless there is a serious risk of either you or the baby developing serious mental or physical, possible life threatening, problems from continuing with the pregnancy, I would say keep it. No I'd say don't abort. Carry it to term, and see then if you think you'd be able to raise it, or would it be better for the child to be adopted.
Certainly I'd say speak to your parents, particularly your mother as, unless you are adopted, obviously she's had kids so has experience in this matter.
Definitely speak to this guy, face to face as you want to. If you're not sure it's his (didn't you mention about him being the most likely, but not the only, possible father? If not I appologise for seeing something that wasn't there) then he should take a DNA test as soon as possible. If it is his I'd certainly hope he'd be man enough to step up.