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Possible to Love someone and lust over someone else??

Sorry about anon, GF reads these boards.

Basically I've got a bit of a confusing situation. I've been going out with my GF for nearly ten months now, and we both say we love each other, and I truly feel that I do.

However I cannot help but lust over other girls. I was on a plane yesterday and got talking to the girl next to me, and she was really beautiful. I wouldn't act on it because that would be wrong, but I still had the fantasy going through my head of 'what if I wasn't with my current GF', and this keeps happening all the time.

I don't want to blow my own trumpet, but I'm a fairly decent looking guy with an outgoing personality so I get into the talky/flirty situation with girls a lot and I cannot help but go along with it and lust over them.

The thing that brought it home yesterday was as I was leaving the plane this girl gave me her number, and I turned my phone on to enter it and got a message from my GF saying she missed me and loved me, which kinda made me feel guilty, even though nothing actually happened between me and the new girl.

So I propose this question, is it possible to truly love someone but still have these 'what if' thoughts going through your head with other girls??

Reply 1

Seoid

The answer is yes, of course. Being in love with someone does not mean that you go blind or stop being human, you're still a young lad with normal sexual feelings so of course you'll lust after other people. What makes the difference is the fact that you don't act on it, that you love your girlfriend enough to respect her feelings and not cheat on her. There's no way you can expect never to feel attracted to someone else again, in fact, it's possible to even fall in love with someone else, what really matters is whether you choose to stay with your gf and make it work with her as opposed to someone else.

Reply 2

Freud

Yes of course you can think about other girls. What proves your love for your girlfriend is not acting upon these impulses or temptations.

Reply 3

bunthulhu

Obviously you're going to find other people attractive but if you 'can't resist' flirting and lusting and fantasising over other people I'd find that a little worrying, especially if you let it continue to the point where you swapped numbers :s-smilie:

I think I'd be hurt if my boyfriend was continually imagining me out of the picture and needed me to remind him that I exist just to distract him from other girls, I'd hope he remembered me of his own accord. Were/are you going to contact her?

Reply 4

username47781

Finding other girls attractive is normal, but acting on it and flirting outrageously with them isn't right and I would then be questioning whether things are going well with your partner.

Reply 5

Anannya

There is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive but there is such a thing as "emotional cheating" and if you find fantasising about too many women too many times I think its best to reconsider whether or not you actually love your gf anymore. Being sexually attracted to other women is fine but way too many times might actually be a signal with something being wrong with your relationship.

:tee: