Check out our Official Offer Holder Thread Directory for 2025 Entry >>

So depressed right now.

Hey everyone.

I am so so depressed at the moment. I've had to come home from work today because I broke down in tears whilst on lunch.

Basically I have huge trust issues and paranoia with my boyfriend and it's got so much worse over the past few months. I am now starting to see a counsellor to see if she can help me. I am going to my second session tonight.

I'm so so scared that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Deep down I don't think he is as he isn't that type of guy. We have been together for nearly 2 years and I know I tend to read into things alot more than what they actually are. I went to see my boyfriend at lunch today and he popped out quickly so I read his conversation with this girl I think he's cheating on me with. I know I did wrong and I shouldn't of done it but I couldn't help myself.

Nothing in it suggested he was cheating on me but they were talking about me at the start. Cos I was funny with my boyfriend on the phone yesterday and she knows I was (she knows how I am unfortunately). So I said to my boyfriend that were were gonna go out last night so she asked him where we went and he said oh she wanted to go bowling and she said interesting. Then she asked if I turned up at 4.30 yesterday like I said I was. This is hard cos you lot won't understand how this has hurt me but it has.

Basically i'm a mess right now. I'm not eating much, i'm crying all the time. I'm just miserable. I don't wanna break up with him but it's all getting too much with her on the scene. He works with her and it's horrible. I hate it. He's the only friend she's got really so that's why I guess. There's just so much to say, i'm just so down. :frown:

I wish I could trust him and believe him when he says she's just a friend, but I can't. I hope this counsellor can help me. I love him so so much.

Can anyone else give me any tips on trying to calm down. It was her birthday at the weekend so they went out for that with a couple of others. I hate them spending time together. It's screwing me up.

Hellllllllllllllllllllllp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :frown:

P.s: Sorry for the long rant.

Reply 1

Laus

You really need to stop worrying - it seems like you have serious trust issues and you're letting it take over your life. No doubt your boyfriend is finding it difficult to deal with as well. If you're so convinced that this guy is going to cheat on you then you really need to think about the kind of relationship you are in. You need to calm down and stop being so paranoid... Getting worked up about what might happen will not stop it from happening. Just relax, take it easy and try to think things through - rationally. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why it is you feel this way. If he can see how worried you are then he can start to do something about it. You can't say who this guy can knock about with but you can let him know the pain that you feel when you see him with this girl. He may not understand but at least he knows what you are going through and how much you care.

Not eating properly wont help you think straight. Take it easy for a while and try to switch off from worrying. Take care of yourself and use today to relax and unwind from all of this emotional stuff. Do what ever you can to take your mind off what you're feeling and try to get a good nights sleep - that way you will able to think with a clear head. If you talk to your boyfriend after very little sleep and no food everything will come out wrong and you'll probably end up arguing... which will make the situation ten times worse.

Can you remember what triggered these feelings? Have you always felt like this? Two years is a long time to get to know someone and to trust them. It can be very hard to make a relationship work if trust isn't there. Just try not to get to worked up.

:hugs:

Reply 2

Laus

Don't apologise for 'ranting' - that's what we're here for :smile:

You wont feel like this forever. I'm sure talking to a counsellor will help you to put everything into perspective. In the meantime just try to stay calm

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Yea we always talk about it and I know it must get him down. It's so so hard for me though. It all started in January when he was talking to her online cos he didnt know who else to talk to but i thought it was cos he was cheating on me with her. He just said he needed a few nights a week break from each other cos we had seen each other practically every night for the first year of our relationship you know.

And it's been since then that i've been worried. I'm chatting to her now on msn. I don't want her to know my problems but I just need her to tell me nothing is happening which she is but again, what if she's lying you know.

My god i'm a mess. I hate this. :frown:

Reply 4

ßlαcksωαn

You may actually be better off without him, as sad as it may sound.

Reply 5

generalebriety

I think he's right, you know. You need a break from each other - it was obvious even from your first post that you've grown very dependent on your boyfriend, and maybe spending a few days or even a week apart will do you good. :smile:

Don't ask this girl if he's sleeping with her - it'll just create tension between all of you.

Reply 6

Laus

I'm really sorry huni... I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I wouldn't get too involved/chummy with this friend of his. Distance yourself from her for a while and try to stop worrying so much.

You guys may have talked about things in the past but it sounds like you need to be more specific. You're obviously very unhappy and staying in a relationship like this isn't healthy. You need to either talk things through with this guy or ask yourself why you're so worried that he will cheat on you.

I don't know your boyfriend so I can't say whether he will cheat or not. All I know is staying in the state that you're in wont help you to resolve any of this. I'd be jealous and perhaps a little concerned if my boyfriend was spending a lot of time with another girl and especially if he picked to spend time with her over me. But - you've already gone through his messages and you didn't find anything that confirms your fear... which is all that it is right now, a fear.

Couples often need a bit of a break - especially when the relationship is quite intense. Perhaps he just needs some time to think? If he didn't want to be with you he would have ended the relationship already. The fact that he isn't trying to hide the close relationship that he has with this girl says to me that there isn't really much to hide. If he was cheating on you I don't think he'd let you talk to her... let alone tell you that he's going to her birthday.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Nah i'd miss him far too much. I love him so so much. I haven't asked her that, I just said I want you to take him away from me. Luckily she's like me, paranoid and doesn't trust anyone and said she'd never do that. I just wanna go see my counsellor tonight.

Reply 8

generalebriety

Anonymous

Nah i'd miss him far too much. I love him so so much.

No offence, but that's the point. You love him to the point where you can't stand him having friends or being away from him for a few days. Could you not spend a few days on your own or with friends away from your boyfriend, just to clear your head a bit?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Yea well I think i'm gonna have to. I seriously feel so depressed. I wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow. Oh well. Did you get my pm laus?

Reply 10

geordiebabehh

i think you should continue ur councelling and see how it goes there.
unless you have a reason not to trust him you being too hard on yourself..
have you spoken to him about it, have you admitted to him that ur insecure? how does he feel, has he ever doubted the relationship??

you might have the best thing in the world right now but your kind of making him push you away..
i hope you start feeling better soon, chin up =] x

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Yea he knows i'm insecure etc. And he's always telling me he loves me and he says he doesn't know how to make me feel better about us. I don't know either.

Reply 12

lea164

Well it sounds like you've got a really supportive guy there, and i understand why you wouldn't want to lose him. Continue with the counselling and hopefully this will help with the insecurity. Also when you feel paranoid and worried that he might cheat, try to rationalise it before it takes control. I hope that helps! :smile:

Reply 13

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

I would definitely recommend the counselling. When I used to go to a counsellor she really helped me to see how irrational my thought patterns were. It was helpful just for that.

As for the paranoia, I would try thinking about something more positive so that it doesn't take over. Your boyfriend might be just mates with this other girl. I don't know much about your situation other than what you have posted here but I do know that paranoia is completely irrational.

I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Hey.

Well I saw my counsellor last night and do feel more positive about things. There are still little worries and stuff but I just have to keep trying to snap out of it and say no calm down, be positive.

So that's what i'm gonna try to do today even though i'm rather nervous. I just gotta stay calm and stuff.

Thanks for all your replies. x

Reply 15

Ruaidhri

You may actually be better off without him, as sad as it may sound.

wont she just be like this with ever lad if she doesnt get it sorted though? Every lad is going to have other mates too. I can see what your getting at, and I dont want to pick on you lol but I always feel a bit uncomforatlbe with how liberally TSR people just say 'end it, it will be best for you'. Ending long term relationships is a killer, especially when you still love them, its usually best to try and save them through compromise ect. Nearly every thread you look at, regardless of how severe/frivolous the situation is, you can gaurantee someone will state that the poster will be better off without them. I never understand it. I never understand the comments of 'go and find someone else who will aprecaite you' either, surely the last thing after breaking up (unless its been dead in the water for a while) you want to do is to go and find someone else.

If he loves you he will have no intention of cheating on you. Ive had pretty hot female friends but when In a relationship ive loved them that much it doesnt really regester other girls are hot, so it was never even a remote threat. It will be similar for him i imagine if he loves you, which is sounds like he does given youve been togeather for 2 years.

Reply 16

Laus

I'm glad that you went to see your counsellor last night. Someone that doesn't know you very well can give you an objective point of view. Staying calm will help you to think things through properly. Like Rua said, ending long term relationships is a killer and it is easier said than done. Just take some time out and try not to stress too much. I'm sure things will work out OK in the end. You've just got to keep your head together.

Reply 17

generalebriety

Ruaidhri

I agree with you, but there's two key points you've missed. Firstly, some time on your own is often (but not always) all that you need to sort out these sorts of feelings, especially if they're just directed towards one person and not towards guys in general; secondly, keeping yourself in a relationship you feel unhappy in is very unhealthy.