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    I'm writing this post primarily to vent/share than anything else. I am not asking any questions. I just hope sharing this will help me a little.I feel lonely and unappreciated and find making meaningful connections with people incredibly difficult.It started in early elementary school I suppose. I was verbally bullied (never physically); called names, excluded from games and generally ignored. I made efforts to organise play-dates but no one ever wanted to "hang out" with me.I left elementary school alone, and started high school without anyone. On the last day of elementary school, my classmates organised a party for two class-members who were going together to a different high school to everyone else (there was a normal route of progression from elementary school to a particular high school)., They didn't bother to include me despite everyone knowing I was leaving on my own.I have had nothing to do with any of them since.In high school I again experienced lonliness and verbal bullying. I grew up in a religious muslim environment and my classmates were mostly secular. Although the religious divide was a possible cause for my lonliness, I think the most important component was my wierd/ unusual personallity. Everyone called me wierd, typically after meeting me once or twice. This was almost certainly due to my complete lack of meaningful social interaction as a child so I had failed to learn any social skills.As time went on I began to make a small group of friends. However they were situational friends only. Outside of school, socials were rare / out of the question. To be fair, due to my bad experience as a child, I didn't make much of an effort. In late high school I thought I was getting closer with some people but, post-graduation, lost contact with them, despite my efforts to stay in touch. In some ways I feel our friendships existed because they wanted to use me. I was hard working and quite successful in exams and some of my classmates who I thought were my friends appeared, in hind-sight to be only interested in using me to help them study. One person in particular would only organise a social with me if/when he wanted study help. I've just graduated Uni and can't really say I have any good friends. Again everyone I hung out with at uni were circumstantial friends only. At the end of the day, we didn't hang out. I still try and organise socials with people I like, but they never respond.======I have also been told most of my life that I am ugly and effectively incompatible for a "girl-friend" relationship. It has come to the stage where I believe this and I can't see myself ever in one. I am not shy as a person, but I feel after people meet me they are entirely disinterested.My self-esteem obviously isn't helped my the fact that my mum has told me she thinks I am unattractive (on multiple occasions over many years) and has also told me (since yr 8) that I would probably be very difficult to get along with in a relationship and would probably struggle. Again this hasn't helped my self-esteem and I believe this to be true.====My familial relationships are not great. I have 3 siblings. My older brother has moved out but I still live with the younger two. They annoy me alot as they are very noisy and I find noise very hard to live with.My father and I haven't really ever got on but as he is religious and I am not things have become harder. He told me he felt he failed as a parent because I didn't become religious and has told me that he still prays for my soul in the hope that I will become religious again. My mother has told me she isn't happy with my religious position and has told me to keep my views to myself. ====I am at the stage where I would love to meet someone for companionship but not a commited relationship. I have deep trust issues based on multiple experiences of being let down / seeing other people I thought I could trust let other people down. ===As an irreligious person, I fail to see the point to life. I don't wake up with a zest for life. I trudge along because I was born. ===I honestly don't know how people stay happy, trust people or enter relationships. They seem to invovle too much pain and too much to lose.

    Is there anything in your experience you could modify to improve? Eg threading your eyebrows/ upper lip, working out, nicer hairstyle, wearing more flattering clothes? Just to increase your confidence a bit in your appearance.
    Though I will say this, if you're mum starts insulting your appearance, you can very simply say to her you are 50% her genetically so it must've come from somewhere within her.
    Regarding the friend situation, friends come and go, to be honest people are so immature in school (primary and secondary), like SO immature, anything that is remotely different, they will distance themselves from because they're ignorant. Important thing is to get on with your life, be successful in what you do. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe it might help to meet people you have more in common with as opposed to just because you're in the same class or course.
    I bet you though you are not as unattractive as you think, the main thing I'm getting from your post is a lack of confidence
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    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by Pinkberry_y)
    Is there anything in your experience you could modify to improve? Eg threading your eyebrows/ upper lip, working out, nicer hairstyle, wearing more flattering clothes? Just to increase your confidence a bit in your appearance.
    I'm a guy

    I keep my hair short and neat and shave regularly....I don't think I am that unattractive....

    also I find meeting people hard. If I go to a party / event where I don't know people I won't introduce myself. Generally because people are in groups of 2-3+ and I don't want to intrude! Not really a bar/pub go-er though so not sure where to meet people
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