Boyfriend Addicted To Pc

First thing - no offence - you sound like a nagging parent. What, specifically, does your boyfriend do? Does he sit there playing Solitaire? Is it part of his job - is he a web designer? Does he play Counter Strike or something? Does he sit there looking at porn? Does he sit on msn? These could all have very different explanations.

Secondly, maybe he doesn't like skating, swimming, and so on? Frankly, everything you've suggested sounds like serious exercise or expensive. I don't like sports because you get sweaty and can't really talk to people, I don't like stuff like the cinema and bowling because again you can't talk to people and might as well be there on your own, and I don't like touristy restauranty crap because it's expensive and pointless. Maybe this is the problem - you assume he has to share your interests. Just because you like them, doesn't mean these are objectively good things to do. Do you know what he likes to do? His idea of a good night might be a night sitting talking to you, but you're constantly trying to force him out to do things when he's happy just being with you.

Reply 5

OP

To randomgirl, I do all of that, I've booked London Eye before, I regularly instigate restaurant meals. Just don't see why to get him out, I have to do that surprising. Pretty sick of it really!

Reply 6

Sephiroth

18

Some people spend all day infront of the TV, some spend it playing football while others spend it infront of the computer. You will just have to accept that and consider whether or not you're compatible. If you were into computers lots too then all would be fine. He seems a bit odd however, because I spend as much time on the computer but I would never put that before spending time with a partner. He'll only learn the hard way on that one, most likely when you break up with him over it. It's sad but that's the only way some people change.

Reply 7

OP

You're talking like an idiot frankly. How am I a nagging parent. No he doesn't even work yet, all he does is spend time on his pc, doing constructive things no doubt. I DON'T MIND HIM spending time on the pc at all, but believe you me, it's not for 3 hours in a go, more like 12-15.

Also, I do what he's interested in, I play UT and games, I talk to him about his interests ALL THE TIME! I see your point about the activities, but that was just an example, simply a walk for fresh air? Is that serious exercise.

generalebriety

First thing - no offence - you sound like a nagging parent. What, specifically, does your boyfriend do? Does he sit there playing Solitaire? Is it part of his job - is he a web designer? Does he play Counter Strike or something? Does he sit there looking at porn? Does he sit on msn? These could all have very different explanations.

Secondly, maybe he doesn't like skating, swimming, and so on? Frankly, everything you've suggested sounds like serious exercise or expensive. I don't like sports because you get sweaty and can't really talk to people, I don't like stuff like the cinema and bowling because again you can't talk to people and might as well be there on your own, and I don't like touristy restauranty crap because it's expensive and pointless. Maybe this is the problem - you assume he has to share your interests. Just because you like them, doesn't mean these are objectively good things to do. Do you know what he likes to do? His idea of a good night might be a night sitting talking to you, but you're constantly trying to force him out to do things when he's happy just being with you.

Reply 8

Sabre

6

The obvious thing to do would be to try and encorporate your time together with his computer use. I'm a bit of a PC addict as I spend almost all my time at my PC. It's got everything I need, I use it for work, music, browsing, watching DVD's, social life as it's easy to keep in touch with friends on msn.

If my girlfriend wasn't 6000 miles away I'd encorporate my PC time with her by watching DVD's and stuff with her. Though to be quite honest if I had my girlfriend with me I'd be spending half as much time on my PC as I am at the moment (much like Sephiroth was saying). Try and find something that you know he enjoys doing that isn't PC related, a sport perhaps and then do it together.

Reply 9

NickNack

1

where abouts do u live? maybe suggest a daytrip to london or something - virtually everything touristy in london is free. honestly tho, its a bit scary that he just doesnt want to leave his computer.

nothing u listed is that expensive, especially considering u dont seem to do much together anyway. i say make him learn the hard way

Reply 10

Anonymous

You're talking like an idiot frankly. How am I a nagging parent. No he doesn't even work yet, all he does is spend time on his pc, doing constructive things no doubt. I DON'T MIND HIM spending time on the pc at all, but believe you me, it's not for 3 hours in a go, more like 12-15.

I notice you didn't answer me. What does he actually do on the computer? I say you sound like a nagging parent because, for all you know, he could be doing anything on the computer. My mum knows that I spend a lot of time "on the computer" - she doesn't have a clue what I do on it. If I spent the whole time looking at porn she'd be right to be worried. If I made money off it, it would be more excusable. If I spent all my time on games, I might have a serious addiction. As it happens, I mostly spend my time talking to people on msn because I like being with my friends and it's a cheap, easy way to keep in contact. There are wildly different explanations for why he spends his time on the computer depending on what he does, and "computer usage" really tells us nothing. This might as well be "dining room usage" or "room-with-blue-walls usage". The computer can connect you with anything from the most boring and trivial of things to the most addictive, profitable and constructive of ways to spend your time, and it's really not fair to say he's addicted "to the computer" since you could spend your entire life on a computer and never do the same thing twice. What does he actually do? He might have a perfectly good excuse, but you're just branding it "the computer".

Anonymous

I see your point about the activities, but that was just an example, simply a walk for fresh air? Is that serious exercise.

No, but, why go for a walk when there's nothing to be gained from it? If it was me, I wouldn't want to go for a walk. I happily would, but only to please the other person, since just being with them would be good enough for me.

Reply 11

OP

Fair enough point there. Apologies. I did mention he programs, though not so much now. He used to. He usually messes around with operating systems, new applications, generally something new all the time, but apart from that he plays games, probably porn as I found out he'd been on camgirlslive before.

So god knows. He seems to just fiddle around with emails. He doesn't talk on msn messenger. Spends AGES on demonoid downloading stuff - ebooks - all very constructive.

Maybe I should get involved with his pc stuff, but I don't see what I could do with him on it. I play games with him sometimes, I look at youtube with him etc, I just don't know what else? I enjoy writing so I've suggested we make applications for that. Hmm

PS, we are in London at the moment, hence frustrating as so much we could do.

Reply 12

NickNack

1

Anonymous

PS, we are in London at the moment, hence frustrating as so much we could do.

what?!?! u actually live in London and he wont go out? damn, i loved just walking aimlessly round London and getting lost, let alone the galleries nd everything else! I cant imagine being like that, granted i might sit at a computer when im bored (like now), but id much rather be doing something. cut the plug off/hide the battery!!!

Reply 13

Anonymous

Fair enough point there. Apologies. I did mention he programs, though not so much now. He used to. He usually messes around with operating systems, new applications, generally something new all the time, but apart from that he plays games, probably porn as I found out he'd been on camgirlslive before.

So god knows. He seems to just fiddle around with emails. He doesn't talk on msn messenger. Spends AGES on demonoid downloading stuff - ebooks - all very constructive.

Maybe I should get involved with his pc stuff, but I don't see what I could do with him on it. I play games with him sometimes, I look at youtube with him etc, I just don't know what else? I enjoy writing so I've suggested we make applications for that. Hmm

PS, we are in London at the moment, hence frustrating as so much we could do.

I know someone exactly like this who actually has genuine social problems - refuses to admit he owns a phone, refuses to go out unless he can occupy himself sufficiently to forget where he is, generally doesn't want anything to do with anyone. Not that I'm suggesting your boyfriend is mentally ill, of course. :p:

But have you considered that he might simply be socially quite inept? Or maybe he's just fascinated with computers and can't seem to drag himself away from them? Autism and Asperger's syndrome are often linked to computing and excessive amounts of time spent on it, lack of socialising, and so on.

Now I'm not suggesting you go and shove your boyfriend at a doctor and get him checked out and "cure" him. This wouldn't be ethical and, moreover, it wouldn't be possible - this may well just be his personality. It might be the case that simply talking to him about it and reaching some sort of compromise works for you both, or it might just turn out that this is who he is and you can't change that, in which case you have two options - either you accept that side of his personality, or you leave him. I'd like to say "it's up to him", but in the end, it's not "up to" either of you - you need to sit down and have a good talk about what you both feel you want out of this relationship, and if you're simply not compatible, then you can't make him change his lifestyle and he can't make you change your expectations. Relationships aren't just about slotting perfectly into each other's lives. You can't be his girlfriend expecting him just to join you on all the fun things you do any more than he could expect you to sit there playing computer games and programming. Relationships are about compromise - either way, you have to agree that it's not going to work, or you have to agree on how to make it work.

Reply 14

NickNack

what?!?! u actually live in London and he wont go out? damn, i loved just walking aimlessly round London and getting lost, let alone the galleries nd everything else! I cant imagine being like that, granted i might sit at a computer when im bored (like now), but id much rather be doing something. cut the plug off/hide the battery!!!

This is exactly what I'm saying. Just because he doesn't match the OP's personality type perfectly, doesn't mean she should try to change him. If it was him posting on here about being quiet and reserved and yet she was always dragging him out everywhere and he got no peace and was never allowed any space to himself, you'd be shouting abuse at her. Both people will have their side of the argument on this one, trust me, and both people can spin it however they want.

As I said, either they compromise, or they agree it's not gonna work. One person cannot simply change the other. It's not fair and ultimately it won't work.

Reply 15