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    #1

    I really need help, I've been wanted to move out for university since I was in year 7 and I'm now going into year 13 and having to start thinking about which unis I want to apply to. Because I live in London and I want to move away from home I chose 5 outside London (Nottingham,UEA,reading,Manchest er and sussex) but my mum won't let me move out. This had made my depression come back as I can't fathom staying in the same house (and I live in the same room as my mum) for another 3 years WITHOUT ANY PRIVACY. my cousin (also a girl) is allowed to move out but my mum won't let me and keep in mind I'm from a Muslim family but not extremely religious. My mum won't even tell me why she doesn't want me to move out but I'm sure it's because she doesn't trust me? I'm not moving to Scotland All my unis are around 2/3 hours away besides Manchester. I really need help on how to beg my mum to allow me to move out as she keeps saying no and diverting the question when I ask why?!

    should I wait untill I'm 18 and apply for accomodation and everything behind her back and do it without her permission or try to convince her (my mum is very strong minded with the NO but a couple months ago she didn't mind) Please help
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    I would do the last bit as you said she won't change her mind. Goodluck

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    That's honestly quite shocking how your mum won't let you move out. What age does she live in? I'm from a non-religious, relaxed household but if I were in that situation I'd tell your mum to get with the times, stop being so pathetic and do it anyway despite what she thinks.

    However, I can't imagine her reaction to hearing such a thing.
    • #2
    #2

    Hi Sister,

    I really feel for your situation, but I am 100% sure that sticking to what your parents feel is best, is the greatest option. You can do well no matter where you go, have that mind set! It will be good for you in the long run and still keep the relationship with your mum, i know its hard for her to take in but maybe by 18, she will finally see that you are more than capable, it's only a couple of years.

    Don't worry at all. everything is set out for the best.

    Wish you the best
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    Talk to her about it, try to reason with her, maybe see if you can come to a compromise and find a uni in London and agree to come home on weekends or something?

    Hope it works out OP.
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    I have South Asian, muslim parents and I can relate to your situation.My course is vocational and very competitive and I told my mum especially how'd she'd have to accept that I could be moving out.Anyway long story short, I moved out as my firm choice was at a university I loved. I even took my mum to an open day there and she fell in love with my campus. I emphasized it was my right to choose where I wanted to study and what I'd be paying off after graduating. Despite many arguments I got my way (and always have lol). My advice is, if worse comes to worst, do what you mentioned in the last paragraph and apply behind their back because you should study where you feel most comfortable and where you'll enjoy doing your course.
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    When you say doesn't trust you, what does that mean exactly - getting involved in student culture e.g. drinking etc? Ultimately at 18 you're an adult and free to make your own decisions... really don't understand overbearing parents. What course are you applying for? Explain to her that there are only certain places that offer the course you want in the particular way you want it taught (they're not all the same - the structures of the courses can really vary). And surely she'd want you to go to the best institution you can possibly go to?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi Sister,

    I really feel for your situation, but I am 100% sure that sticking to what your parents feel is best, is the greatest option. You can do well no matter where you go, have that mind set! It will be good for you in the long run and still keep the relationship with your mum, i know its hard for her to take in but maybe by 18, she will finally see that you are more than capable, it's only a couple of years.

    Don't worry at all. everything is set out for the best.

    Wish you the best
    thank you so much and I know I really should respect my mother but it's something she's constantly changing her mind about I'm so lost
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    When you say doesn't trust you, what does that mean exactly - getting involved in student culture e.g. drinking etc? Ultimately at 18 you're an adult and free to make your own decisions... really don't understand overbearing parents. What course are you applying for? Explain to her that there are only certain places that offer the course you want in the particular way you want it taught (they're not all the same - the structures of the courses can really vary). And surely she'd want you to go to the best institution you can possibly go to?
    I keep trying to ask what she means but she's very old fashioned and has the mentality that girls shouldn't move out before marriage etc, I'm applying for history and English and yep I agree but I don't know whether I should just do as i please as I will be 18 then?
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really need help, I've been wanted to move out for university since I was in year 7 and I'm now going into year 13 and having to start thinking about which unis I want to apply to. Because I live in London and I want to move away from home I chose 5 outside London (Nottingham,UEA,reading,Manchest er and sussex) but my mum won't let me move out. This had made my depression come back as I can't fathom staying in the same house (and I live in the same room as my mum) for another 3 years WITHOUT ANY PRIVACY. my cousin (also a girl) is allowed to move out but my mum won't let me and keep in mind I'm from a Muslim family but not extremely religious. My mum won't even tell me why she doesn't want me to move out but I'm sure it's because she doesn't trust me? I'm not moving to Scotland All my unis are around 2/3 hours away besides Manchester. I really need help on how to beg my mum to allow me to move out as she keeps saying no and diverting the question when I ask why?!

    should I wait untill I'm 18 and apply for accomodation and everything behind her back and do it without her permission or try to convince her (my mum is very strong minded with the NO but a couple months ago she didn't mind) Please help
    I'm a Muslim girl too! do u sleep in the same room as her? that's tough. well it depends on what course ur doing if it's medicine or smth competitive u could say u have no chance at a London uni as they're V hard to get into. also she probs doesn't want u to go because of boys and clubbing and stuff ... therefore u should just say to her that she needs to trust u as u have no interest in that and the main reason u want to move is to get more independent and grow as a person... however I doubt this will change her mind and she'll probs reply STAY AT HOME AND LEARN TO COOK FROM ME.

    what's ur dads views? also u can get all girls halls at uni where 60% of the girls are Muslim SOOO yeah worse comes to worse do this all secretly good luck buddy
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    Ask what the problem with moving out is. If you know what her worries are you may be able to reassure her. If not you always have the option to do it anyway but then it's up to you whether you want to face potential consequences (e.g. being cut off financially) at home.
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    You should try both strategies.

    1. Persuade her that its good for you and your future. If she cant give any reasons its more like she doesnt wnat to lose control or be alone.
    2. When you are 18 you cna choose to go by your own choice anyway, but you will have to decide if you wnat ti give uop your future for fear of upseting your mum. I would just book it and leave as she isnt willing to listen to reason.
    3. If you dont get good exam results you arent going anywhere.
    4. You shouldnt have to be sharing a room with your mum thats odd at your age.
    • #4
    #4

    Sometimes the path you want and the path your parents want for you separate drastically.

    It's hard to solve if you don't know why she is doing this, so first thing try and find out why, and discuss it with her. And make sure you get a proper answer, because only then can you negotiate to make both you and her happy with your decision.

    Remember that it's hard for your mum to have her children leave for uni. Suddenly something that has always been there for her for that last 18 years is now leaving, and, it may seem to her, for good.

    If a compromise or understanding cannot be made then you have to choose one of the paths. Choosing yours may upset her, and cause her to want to distance herself and her support from you. Choosing hers will delight her but you may regret not doing further education and having the "uni" experience later on in life and some opportunities may be closed forever.

    May help, but remind her that there will be other Muslims studying there and more often than not the major universities offer great religious facilities for all types faiths.
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    If you can find a uni you like in London, choosing it may not mean another three years at home. If your mum sees you behaving responsibly for the first year she may come round to the idea of you moving out in the second year, maybe in with some other nice respectable Muslim girls. Bring some friends home for her to meet.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really need help, I've been wanted to move out for university since I was in year 7 and I'm now going into year 13 and having to start thinking about which unis I want to apply to. Because I live in London and I want to move away from home I chose 5 outside London (Nottingham,UEA,reading,Manchest er and sussex) but my mum won't let me move out. This had made my depression come back as I can't fathom staying in the same house (and I live in the same room as my mum) for another 3 years WITHOUT ANY PRIVACY. my cousin (also a girl) is allowed to move out but my mum won't let me and keep in mind I'm from a Muslim family but not extremely religious. My mum won't even tell me why she doesn't want me to move out but I'm sure it's because she doesn't trust me? I'm not moving to Scotland All my unis are around 2/3 hours away besides Manchester. I really need help on how to beg my mum to allow me to move out as she keeps saying no and diverting the question when I ask why?!

    should I wait untill I'm 18 and apply for accomodation and everything behind her back and do it without her permission or try to convince her (my mum is very strong minded with the NO but a couple months ago she didn't mind) Please help
    Just move out regardless of what she said because it's not up to her,
    it's your life and you have to live it the way you want to.
    If you do it she will get over it eventually and realise it's for the best
    Maybe she's just scared and does not want to be alone but your not going to live with her for ever so she might aswell get used to it now
    Your going to miss out on all the fun experiences at uni if you don't move out
    I wouldn't want to share a room with my mum
    Everytime she refuses just mention your depression and that it will get worse if you don't move out and tell her you need your own privacy
    • #5
    #5

    My parents are strictish Muslim parents and they let me move out because I got into the university I really wanted to go to and so they let me but I'm gonna have to come home every weekend and have a GPS tracker attached to me at all times so :/ comes with a price but I think it's bearable so suggest that perhaps so you can compromise?

    If nothing else make sure when you apply for halls or a house that it is a full year contract if you're not planning to go home cos sometimes its 48 weeks so I don't know where you'll spend the 4 weeks.
 
 
 
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