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    Don't get me wrong my mum is nice at times she's really supportive and gives me everything I need (tuitions, advice) but she has a side to her that can be incredibly toxic.

    She says I'm a complete failure and don't deserve any birthday gifts this year due to my bad AS results. (BCDE) also says stuff like I'm a loser for her and I'm destined to go to a bad uni and that if I didn't want to feel so bad rn I should have done work and got A's. Once she called me a *****

    , yeah they're bad results but I did work fairly hard .... obviously not enough tho. and I know that, I'm a very responsible person I rarely go out I do all homework and stuff .

    I'm already upset about the results and now I've got this extra tension inside me because since results day she won't stop saying hateful things to me.
    it's affecting my revision and daily life as I'm constantly crying . people tell me to suck it up and prove her wrong - but when I'm constantly heartbroken BC my mother hates me it makes it hard to focus and get good grades so I can take a gap year and reapply. also the fact that I'm going to be apply for bad degrees and bad unis this year will make her more hateful.

    ps pls don't tell me to 'tell her how I feel' because it doesn't work, she can't accept anyone else's opinion and says OH POOR U UR SUCH A VICTIM!
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    Explain to her they are linear right?
    So next year you will buckle down and get A*s and As then reapply next year if you need to. Not going to a Russell group university is not the end of the world, it doesn't even matter for most jobs.
    If it does matter in your chosen career path then apply with your Actual grades or ask your teachers for higher predictions and work harder
    If it was me I'd just ignore her, she is being out of order. Only you know if you can do better so prove it to her and then she'll stop being like that.
    Just don't give up. There's always another option if plan a doesn't go to plan


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    tell her to shut up and it is what it is and deal with it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    She probably just wants you to do well so much its clouding her judgement in what she's saying to you. She doesn't really understand what she's saying and the effect because she's so caught up in wanting you to do well. At the same time being critical wouldn't be helping motivate you so she's kind of having the adverse effect to what she wants.

    I think people need to contextualise when they talk about 'bad anything'. Everyone has different capabilities, the most important thing really is that you do your very best, in relation to what can realistically be done. What were your predicted grades for A.S. and how were off were you is a more interesting question than how 'good' or 'bad' your results were. What kind of results do you expect from yourself is also a more interesting question.

    You probably just need to let your mum let off steam about this for a while, try to understand where she's coming from and not take it seriously. Just let the fact you're disappointed be motivation to make sure you do the best you can in January. And can't you just re-take A.S. modules in your A2 year?
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    (Original post by PHD2027)
    tell her to shut up and it is what it is and deal with it.
    😂 True; this is probably a joke but if not I'd advise against saying shut up but it is true that what you achieved can not be changed.. It is what it is.. No point dwelling oj the past but instead actively pursue a better future


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    (Original post by AdeptDz)
    Explain to her they are linear right?
    So next year you will buckle down and get A*s and As then reapply next year if you need to. Not going to a Russell group university is not the end of the world, it doesn't even matter for most jobs.
    If it does matter in your chosen career path then apply with your Actual grades or ask your teachers for higher predictions and work harder
    If it was me I'd just ignore her, she is being out of order. Only you know if you can do better so prove it to her and then she'll stop being like that.
    Just don't give up. There's always another option if plan a doesn't go to plan


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    yeah I've explained it all but she does this thing where she feels like she can compare me to people and say I'm just a pathetic loser like them. like I know I can get good grades but she thinks I'm just a flop and will get bad A2 results too.

    last year I got amazing GCSE results and she loved me , now that my results aren't as good it's like I'm the devil lol and I find myself crying 50% of the time
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    fight her


    in the ring
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    (Original post by banoffeee)
    She probably just wants you to do well so much its clouding her judgement in what she's saying to you. She doesn't really understand what she's saying and the effect because she's so caught up in wanting you to do well. At the same time being critical wouldn't be helping motivate you so she's kind of having the adverse effect to what she wants.

    I think people need to contextualise when they talk about 'bad anything'. Everyone has different capabilities, the most important thing really is that you do your very best, in relation to what can realistically be done. What were your predicted grades for A.S. and how were off were you is a more interesting question than how 'good' or 'bad' your results were. What kind of results do you expect from yourself is also a more interesting question.

    You probably just need to let your mum let off steam about this for a while, try to understand where she's coming from and not take it seriously. Just let the fact you're disappointed be motivation to make sure you do the best you can in January. And can't you just re-take A.S. modules in your A2 year?
    thank you for this reply, I agree with u she really cares about my future and she's upset just like me , but I can't just not take it seriously because stuff that she says makes me think she doesn't want me in this world anymore lol. and I really don't know if she'll ever stop putting me down. I hope she does but if this carrys on til next August I won't do well because I'm so sensitive ... how do I just not take it seriously?
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    rude
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you for this reply, I agree with u she really cares about my future and she's upset just like me , but I can't just not take it seriously because stuff that she says makes me think she doesn't want me in this world anymore lol. and I really don't know if she'll ever stop putting me down. I hope she does but if this carrys on til next August I won't do well because I'm so sensitive ... how do I just not take it seriously?
    It's your future not hers ; so do well for the sake of your future not to impress her. And also when she does it, just try and prove her wrong, use it as motivation

    And I don't think she wants you dead.
    Things could be going on in her life too, you never know just wait it out and see if she changes but she probably was just disappointed and angry and taking her anger out on you.
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    (Original post by AdeptDz)
    It's your future not hers ; so do well for the sake of your future not to impress her. And also when she does it, just try and prove her wrong, use it as motivation

    And I don't think she wants you dead.
    Things could be going on in her life too, you never know just wait it out and see if she changes but she probably was just disappointed and angry and taking her anger out on you.
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    I thought after a week she would stop as I've been working since results day but every time we pass eachother around the house she gives me a look and says I'm a failure lol literally ... I don't think she'll change
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you for this reply, I agree with u she really cares about my future and she's upset just like me , but I can't just not take it seriously because stuff that she says makes me think she doesn't want me in this world anymore lol. and I really don't know if she'll ever stop putting me down. I hope she does but if this carrys on til next August I won't do well because I'm so sensitive ... how do I just not take it seriously?
    Think about where you want to be in 5 years time and imagine yourself there. Your future is more important than what your mum's saying right now.

    You can do it! You can get to where you need to be if you realise what's important and fundamental and if you realise that honestly you don't really have time to waste on worrying.

    Planning and thinking realistically is really important if you want to avoid anxiety about this -The only way you're gonna avoid worrying is literally if you break the topics you need to know into a timeframe and make a schedule. You'll start to feel good about yourself if you achieve certain things on your schedule and tick them off. Then you'll start to gradually pick up a pace.

    Do everything you can to boost your grades. Find out what you need to know for each exam from the specifications. Print off all the old exam papers you can to build your confidence. Make note of your weaker areas and work specifically on them.
    Look after yourself like drinking lots of water and eating fruit to keep you in a good mindframe. Dedicate yourself to hard work this year through sacrifice and it will all pay off.

    That's all the advice I have! Good luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought after a week she would stop as I've been working since results day but every time we pass eachother around the house she gives me a look and says I'm a failure lol literally ... I don't think she'll change
    She can't do it forever, if she doesn't stop I guess you're just going to have to speak to her.
    Is your dad around? Maybe ask him to put in a word for you. If not then sorry.. But just try not to take it to heart, it's hard but stay positive it will be good for you in the long run.. Just think about the future and you will be able to do whatever you want in a couple of years ; just do good now so your future will be bright


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    Every relationship with a mother seems to be different. So I can't really offer you any 'cookie-cutter' advice on how to deal with it. But, my mum sounds similar temperament to yours. I'm 29 now and she can still bring me to tears sometimes.

    Only thing I have found that works is standing up to her. Not letting myself get buried under her comments. My mum constantly compares me to my brother who did slightly better than me at school... but he hasn't gone to uni (so ner!).

    It's hard to find a happy medium with overbearing mums. But, please! Try not to let her get to you, it might result in you giving up because you feel like you can't please her. You might need to be honest with her, or write her a note. Explain that you are also upset about your results, sorry that they're not as good as she had hoped and that you will try harder.

    I hope some of what I said helps.
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    are you asian by any chance?
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    (Original post by ELVsLP)
    are you asian by any chance?
    yes :')
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you for this reply, I agree with u she really cares about my future and she's upset just like me , but I can't just not take it seriously because stuff that she says makes me think she doesn't want me in this world anymore lol. and I really don't know if she'll ever stop putting me down. I hope she does but if this carrys on til next August I won't do well because I'm so sensitive ... how do I just not take it seriously?
    My friend, i understand your predicament, however your objective is not to ignore her words, but take them head on - and show her that next year in A2 you can do better, sit down and slam your revision my friend, you can do it. Be strong and make your mother proud, shes only saying this to motivate you because she loves you. Peace.
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    (Original post by Medday)
    My friend, i understand your predicament, however your objective is not to ignore her words, but take them head on - and show her that next year in A2 you can do better, sit down and slam your revision my friend, you can do it. Be strong and make your mother proud, shes only saying this to motivate you because she loves you. Peace.
    and until then I just continue to get hurt by her comments ?
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    (Original post by Emizi)
    Every relationship with a mother seems to be different. So I can't really offer you any 'cookie-cutter' advice on how to deal with it. But, my mum sounds similar temperament to yours. I'm 29 now and she can still bring me to tears sometimes.

    Only thing I have found that works is standing up to her. Not letting myself get buried under her comments. My mum constantly compares me to my brother who did slightly better than me at school... but he hasn't gone to uni (so ner!).

    It's hard to find a happy medium with overbearing mums. But, please! Try not to let her get to you, it might result in you giving up because you feel like you can't please her. You might need to be honest with her, or write her a note. Explain that you are also upset about your results, sorry that they're not as good as she had hoped and that you will try harder.

    I hope some of what I said helps.
    I like the note idea but feel that she might make fun of me and call me dramatic
 
 
 
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