anonymous for obvious reasons.
I finished college in 2015, and have since taken a year out to retake my A2 levels which I completed this year. (I previously failed them due to low mood, lack of motivation, and hating college, having no friends etc.)
I have now managed to get grades I am proud of (AAB) and have been accepted into my first choice university which I will start to attend this September.
Throughout the last 3 years I have been miserable and have suffered with depression, but I put a lot of it down to my circumstances, and despite how bad everything got sometimes, one of the main things that would keep me going and would motivate me, was the idea that I could go to uni and things would change, maybe even for the better. Something to look forward to.
But since being accepted into my first choice uni (which don't get me wrong, I love, including the subject field), I have felt the opposite from what I have expected to feel and don't feel any better. If anything I feel a lot worse. I should be happier, but I am not and it doesn't make sense.
I was LITERALLY living for the idea of uni and change, and now I have actually been accepted and will be going, I find myself even more depressed than I was initially when this should not be the case. I can't even put a reason behind it this time.
I have found it increasingly hard to get out of bed in the morning, and find myself sleeping all day, whenever I don't have work. I have a complete loss of appetite, feel drained and am also having reoccurring bad thoughts on a daily basis (which I won't mention here bc don't want my post to be removed but hopefully you can understand what I mean by this).
I struggle see how anything can get any better or whether I have a future, when this mindset is ILLOGICAL, but none the less these thoughts consume me and make everything seem pointless.
It's sad to see my family hurt that I am not feeling better after this good news and life change as they all hoped it would, despite my efforts to try not to reveal how I'm feeling because I don't want to let them down.
I don't want to feel this way forever and I really hoped I wouldn't.
I don't know whether it's even a good idea to start university feeling like this?
Does anyone have any similar experiences? or know what the options are?
Any advice would also be very much be appreciated.
Thank you for reading and sorry this post was long.
Rock bottom watch
- Thread Starter
- 29-08-2016 16:29
- 29-08-2016 16:55
I hear you. I've been through similar things in the past, and I'm probably going through it now because I find myself unable to be productive right this moment (despite graduating with a first just one year ago). PM me if you want to talk more
- Thread Starter
- 02-09-2016 22:57
- 02-09-2016 23:04
Is there any family you can talk to? I would strongly advice that you go to your GP, be 100% honest with them, or if you're not ready to go yet then call a mental health hotline such as mind, samaratins or SANEline. At uni you can call night line as well. The important thing is to talk to someone, anyone. It honestly sounds like you have depression, everything you're feeling adds up to it. Try to find some joy in your life, something, anything to hold on to to get you through this. Watch TED talks, some of them can be really useful in changing your outlook about life. Even if it's an image you have about your future career or life, hold onto that and use that as motivation to get though life now. Staying in bed is the tempting option to not face the world, but it becomes a cycle, a vicious horrible cycle. When you start uni, it may be that being busy and constantly having something to do will alleviate these feelings, but you cannot keep things bottled in because in the long run it will just make you feel worse and worse. If you want you can PM me whenever, if you feel like talking, there's always someone there that you can talk to