A tricky one

Posting annonymously because she comes on here.

A friend of mine who I know fancies me is coming to my city pretty soon, she wants to meet up - I have no problem with that, but she wants to visit my parents pad. I am a bit strange with that one, like I normally keep my network of friends and home life seperate for two reasons:

a) my parents are orthodox muslims.

b) Just don't want my going ons getting back to my parents. Never a good thing. Plus, if there is any girl I would bring back and show to my family it would be spouse/long term gf material. Sorry if I am a bit weird on this - quite a big cultural thing.

I suggested that she should meet me up in town - she agreed and now she is inviting me to her siblings place- if I accept I know I would have to repay the favour. Her sibling sounds cool, artistic - hard to turn the offer down. I also have a feeling that when she comes to my town, she would want to see my family home anyway. I don't want to say outright "no you cant stay over at mine", I would just feel so bad then.

What should I do, she has asked me three times about it already.

Reply 1

spartakist

14

Could you just introduce her as a friend, and stress to them it's nothing more? Or would they not believe you?

Reply 2

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

Posting annonymously because she comes on here.

A friend of mine who I know fancies me is coming to my city pretty soon, she wants to meet up - I have no problem with that, but she wants to visit my parents pad. I am a bit strange with that one, like I normally keep my network of friends and home life seperate for two reasons:

a) my parents are orthodox muslims.

b) Just don't want my going ons getting back to my parents. Never a good thing. Plus, if there is any girl I would bring back and show to my family it would be spouse/long term gf material. Sorry if I am a bit weird on this - quite a big cultural thing.

I suggested that she should meet me up in town - she agreed and now she is inviting me to her siblings place- if I accept I know I would have to repay the favour. Her sibling sounds cool, artistic - hard to turn the offer down. I also have a feeling that when she comes to my town, she would want to see my family home anyway. I don't want to say outright "no you cant stay over at mine", I would just feel so bad then.

What should I do, she has asked me three times about it already.

Ooh, bad attitude, dude. This isn't "show and tell" at primary school. Respecting parents is important, but gaining approval for trivial purposes should not be on your "to do" list - else you'll just screw yourself over.

Have you ever spent time with her in person before? If not, do it. If you really like this girl, find out what she's like in person and - if the feeling develops well - visit her (sibling's) place, without reciprocating. It's seriously no big deal. If you like her even more after that, explain the sitch at home and make plans to see each other again, and to sleepover both ways once you're free of the nest, whether that's brought on by going to uni or anything else.

Find out what she's like. Talk her through homey stuff. Make more plans. C'est simple! :biggrin:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

spartakist

Could you just introduce her as a friend, and stress to them it's nothing more? Or would they not believe you?

They would be suspicious and I would probably be grilled (I have never ever brought a girl back to my parents house before). Plus, personally I don't really want to (I am quite iffy about this with my other friends from uni -guys I know too). I just like to keep my family and uni life completely seperate from each other.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Ron Stoppable

Ooh, bad attitude, dude. This isn't "show and tell" at primary school. Respecting parents is important, but gaining approval for trivial purposes should not be on your "to do" list - else you'll just screw yourself over.

Have you ever spent time with her in person before? If not, do it. If you really like this girl, find out what she's like in person and - if the feeling develops well - visit her (sibling's) place, without reciprocating. It's seriously no big deal. If you like her even more after that, explain the sitch at home and make plans to see each other again, and to sleepover both ways once you're free of the nest, whether that's brought on by going to uni or anything else.

Find out what she's like. Talk her through homey stuff. Make more plans. C'est simple! :biggrin:

Yep, a number of times. She has actively tried to hit on me on a couple of occasions (... I wont bore you with the details but you get the picture) - I go uni with her that is how I originally know her (and she happens to post on here - so scary times).

I just see her as a good mate and thats it - the whole coming to my house thing is nothing personal, I just tend to be like that with everyone I am not really really close to (to the point of sibling like). I also don't live in a big house, quite small in the middle of nowhere - so don't want to put stress on the folks.

Reply 5

campbell87

8

If she is a real friend then when you explain the situation to her she will be cool with it, if she isn't then she has obviously read way to far into your friendship and you need to set her straight.
You need to talk to her, explain about your family, about what bringing girls home mean to them, if she gets offended then tough cookies on her, she she be able to understand.
It sounds like she has just invited herself round to meet your parents which to me is very strange. You just need to talk to her! Thats the only way you will figure this all out. It should be fine for you to meet her sibling without having to take this girl to meet your own.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

campbell87

If she is a real friend then when you explain the situation to her she will be cool with it, if she isn't then she has obviously read way to far into your friendship and you need to set her straight.
You need to talk to her, explain about your family, about what bringing girls home mean to them, if she gets offended then tough cookies on her, she she be able to understand.
It sounds like she has just invited herself round to meet your parents which to me is very strange. You just need to talk to her! Thats the only way you will figure this all out. It should be fine for you to meet her sibling without having to take this girl to meet your own.

Yeah, exactly. I find it very annoying, especially if you have a place to stay in my city. Plus I have pretty much figured out that she fancies me, it makes me feel uneasy.

I just don't want to offend her, that is the problem; so I would much prefer to do it on the sly (which is a bit devious I know). I would go into the situation with my parents...that is another issue I have, but I don't like talking about my family to my mates incase it spreads. From my experiences at uni, things always spread & people gossip - which tbh I really hate. This is probably the reason why I keep the two things seperate because I know what my friends are like.

A tricky one

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