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Flat"mates" walking over me
so i got a txt from a flatmate asking if their bro could sleep in my room whilst im still at home. frankly im totally against this because i dont want to be paying 300 quid a month for someone else to sleep there until i move in in september. ppl walk over me all the time and know i find it hard to stand up for myself. my parents and i have discussed it and realised that in terms of flat politics its probably best to say yes. however i dont want some guy shagging, drinkin and spewing in a room i have to put up with for the next year. now ive never met the guy so i dunno if hed do that but if my flatmate is nething to go by and it runs in the family then this is a strong possibility. also i will only be around my flatmates in passing in the next year because ill be up going to class coming home eating then going to play sport at night so ill only pass into them at times. how do i reply to this text?
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How about "Sorry, find somebody else". Its your room, its up to you who stays there. If you don't want people walking all over you, you have to learn to say no. If you think people are taking advantage of you, do something about it. Force yourself to speak up for what you want. If you don't, people will just continue to take advantage. Good luck
To be honest if my flatmate sent me a text like this I'd probably say yes, "provided I can't tell he's ever been there" or something like that. But I can't imagine that when they asked me the question they would downplay the importance of it. I can imagine them saying something like "I know this is really cheeky of me, and feel free to say no, but..." It seems unfair if you feel bullied or backed into a corner about it.
Maybe you could lie, saying something like you might well be back in the next few weeks for some reason or other, like you might try to get a job there, or need the room while he's there, anything to make them think him going in somebody else's room is a better idea. If everyone else's room is occupied then I agree that the best thing for flat politics would be to say yes...
I don't know the background but it does sound like you're being a bit oversensitive about this... Have your flatmates been mean to you in the past? And you haven't met this guy, you could always ask for his number and send a friendly text saying can he make sure he keeps it tidy or something.
Maybe you could lie, saying something like you might well be back in the next few weeks for some reason or other, like you might try to get a job there, or need the room while he's there, anything to make them think him going in somebody else's room is a better idea. If everyone else's room is occupied then I agree that the best thing for flat politics would be to say yes...
I don't know the background but it does sound like you're being a bit oversensitive about this... Have your flatmates been mean to you in the past? And you haven't met this guy, you could always ask for his number and send a friendly text saying can he make sure he keeps it tidy or something.
Or alternatively reply explaining its fine for him to stay there, and you pressume he'll be covering your share of the rent for that time and paying for any breakages/cleaning required as the result of his presence.
I'll bet he won't want the room if he has to pay for it, but if he does then hey you've saved a few hundred quid!
I'll bet he won't want the room if he has to pay for it, but if he does then hey you've saved a few hundred quid!
Isis07
Or alternatively reply explaining its fine for him to stay there, and you pressume he'll be covering your share of the rent for that time and paying for any breakages/cleaning required as the result of his presence.
I'll bet he won't want the room if he has to pay for it, but if he does then hey you've saved a few hundred quid!
I'll bet he won't want the room if he has to pay for it, but if he does then hey you've saved a few hundred quid!
Agreed definately, you win either way!
I am lost at what a flatmate is sorry I know that sounds silly but in uni within the accomdoation are you all in one house split into rooms or what?
Fusion
How are they 'walking all over you'? It sounds like a reasonable proposal as you will not be needing that room over that period. Also a financial contribution from him would put a smile on your face.
I can see where the OP is coming from if they feel resentful from being taken advantage of in the past. You've got a point too though, battles have to be picked wisely!
they havent even offered a financial incentive and besides that is sub-letting which is prohibited by our lease
If he's not going to pay, don't let him. You shouldn't be paying for some stranger's accommodation.
Anonymous
so i got a txt from a flatmate asking if their bro could sleep in my room whilst im still at home. frankly im totally against this because i dont want to be paying 300 quid a month for someone else to sleep there until i move in in september. ppl walk over me all the time and know i find it hard to stand up for myself. my parents and i have discussed it and realised that in terms of flat politics its probably best to say yes. however i dont want some guy shagging, drinkin and spewing in a room i have to put up with for the next year. now ive never met the guy so i dunno if hed do that but if my flatmate is nething to go by and it runs in the family then this is a strong possibility. also i will only be around my flatmates in passing in the next year because ill be up going to class coming home eating then going to play sport at night so ill only pass into them at times. how do i reply to this text?
Tell them no as it's wasting your money to let someone practically squat in your room and I doubt they'd have the decency not to have sex in your room from what you've said.
Just text back with a simple 'No.' Best 10p/12p ever spent ;yes;
I think that you have two options really: -
If you honestly feel very unhappy about his brother sharing your room as you dont think it will be treated with respect then you can say no. As you have said - You won't be there much during uni and wont really see them so if your aprehensive of his reaction then you can avoid him. Plus you wont gain or lose anything because you will have to pay £300 anyway.
It depends on how your flat mates are as friends?!
OR
You can let his brother use your room - With this I would go down to your accommodation and ask to meet his brother. Politely state that you request that all mess be cleaned up after him, all breakages to be paid etc. This is important. Say that you want that room to be exactly as you left it, clean, safe and liveable.
If you honestly dont think he will respect your room then dont let him use it. Like you said you are paying £300+ for that room and the only person who will get into trouble if something goes wrong is you...with your landlord.
It depends on how much you trust your flatmate and how well you get on with him.
If you said no - a) He might get funny about it OR b) He might initially be funny but that'll soon get forgotten OR c) It wont be a problem at all - After all like you said it is YOUR room.
If you honestly feel very unhappy about his brother sharing your room as you dont think it will be treated with respect then you can say no. As you have said - You won't be there much during uni and wont really see them so if your aprehensive of his reaction then you can avoid him. Plus you wont gain or lose anything because you will have to pay £300 anyway.
It depends on how your flat mates are as friends?!
OR
You can let his brother use your room - With this I would go down to your accommodation and ask to meet his brother. Politely state that you request that all mess be cleaned up after him, all breakages to be paid etc. This is important. Say that you want that room to be exactly as you left it, clean, safe and liveable.
If you honestly dont think he will respect your room then dont let him use it. Like you said you are paying £300+ for that room and the only person who will get into trouble if something goes wrong is you...with your landlord.
It depends on how much you trust your flatmate and how well you get on with him.
If you said no - a) He might get funny about it OR b) He might initially be funny but that'll soon get forgotten OR c) It wont be a problem at all - After all like you said it is YOUR room.
The room's free. What's so big and bad about someone else asking them to use it?
The only thing I'd ask is for a promise that it stays clean. "Financial incentive"? That sounds like it's coming from the kind of person who lends his mates DVDs, but charges late fees. Or writes up a contract when lending a tenner.
By the way, OP - if you're at home paying £300/month for a room you're not staying in, you've already wasted it.
The only thing I'd ask is for a promise that it stays clean. "Financial incentive"? That sounds like it's coming from the kind of person who lends his mates DVDs, but charges late fees. Or writes up a contract when lending a tenner.
By the way, OP - if you're at home paying £300/month for a room you're not staying in, you've already wasted it.
If the guy does have sex in your room, I'm sure he wouldn't be the first....(unless it's a brand new flat)
What does it matter, as long as you state up-front that you expect to have the room cleaned, sheets changed etc before you get back.
I wouldn't recommend upsetting your flatmates before you even start living together.
What does it matter, as long as you state up-front that you expect to have the room cleaned, sheets changed etc before you get back.
I wouldn't recommend upsetting your flatmates before you even start living together.
im only at home because i can get more work here to earn enough so i can afford to live there the rest of the year. none of the other rooms are free. i may b a stingy bastard but im scottish and hence allowed to be canny.
Anonymous
im only at home because i can get more work here to earn enough so i can afford to live there the rest of the year. none of the other rooms are free. i may b a stingy bastard but im scottish and hence allowed to be canny.
Would you rather your flatmate hadn't told you anything & his brother slept in your room without you realising?
I'm not going to take your excuse of being Scottish - I think you're totally overreacting over something that is not going to have an effect on you, as long as you make clear that you expect the room to be left the way it was found.
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