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Boyfriend says "none of your business" Watch

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    So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now, and we've been going through a rough patch recently. He's quite close friends with this girl he's known for years, and I overheard him talking to her on the phone yesterday, where she asked him how we were and he replied "we're fine" very sharply and told her to be quiet as she was on loudspeaker and I was in the house and would be able to hear. She then just laughed and said something like "text me all the details". I asked him what he's been saying to her about us and he replied by saying it was none of my business and I need to stop worrying... Do I not have a right to ask, even though it's my relationship that's the subject here?
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    Harsh words, bordering on emotional and verbal abuse.
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    Dump and delete the guy
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    Yes you should know because he's being very sketchy. Sounds like he has something to hide. I'd be very careful and keep an eye on him.
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    He has the right to talk to his friends about his relationships/problems he's having.I bet you wouldn't like it if he was trying to invade on you being able to discuss with your own friends your relationship or any problems you were having. You don't have the right to control who he speaks to or what he speaks about. His friend being a girl is irrelevant, like you said they've known each other for years and are close friends. I would be a bit more suspicious if it was some other girl he wasn't real friends with or someone you suspected he might be cheating with, but it just sounds to me like he has a friend he can discuss his personal life with which everyone needs and has a right to. You probably do the exact same thing with your own friends so no need to be so controlling.
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    (Original post by candymonster)
    Harsh words, bordering on emotional and verbal abuse.
    "he replied by saying it was none of my business and I need to stop worrying "
    Where is the emotional and verbal abuse in that?
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    (Original post by candymonster)
    Harsh words, bordering on emotional and verbal abuse.
    I definitely wouldn't go that far.
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    He has the right to talk to his friends about his relationships/problems he's having.I bet you wouldn't like it if he was trying to invade on you being able to discuss with your own friends your relationship or any problems you were having. You don't have the right to control who he speaks to or what he speaks about. His friend being a girl is irrelevant, like you said they've known each other for years and are close friends. I would be a bit more suspicious if it was some other girl he wasn't real friends with or someone you suspected he might be cheating with, but it just sounds to me like he has a friend he can discuss his personal life with which everyone needs and has a right to. You probably do the exact same thing with your own friends so no need to be so controlling.
    This. People need some sort of outlet otherwise those little problems will turn into huge problems.
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    There's nothing you can do.

    He clearly has been talking ill of you/your relationship to his friend. Whether you work through your rough patch and come out stronger on the other side or you break up, how he acts/feels/thinks is not under your jurisdiction (apart from cheating, which he isn't necessarily going to do even if this female friend is loving that you're having difficulties).

    All you can do is concentrate and try to work on the problems you are having right now, apologise for getting upset about it and explain he must understand it was just difficult to suddenly realise he was probably seeking counsel about negative things to do with you, especially from another girl close to him - but that you do also understand he needs personal space to talk about whatever he wants. Maybe ask for reassurance that he does actually still want to work on your problems with you, even though right now he's not necessarily full of praise. If you come from a position of honest understanding while explaining why this is concerning to you, it can only do good and create more empathy between you.

    If he's going to leave you or cheat on you, continuing to believe you can know about or control what he says to his friend will only make it happen sooner/worse. If he's not going to, he's not and you could have a great relationship where he doesn't even want to say anything bad. People need time to work things out.
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    (Original post by RooshV)
    "he replied by saying it was none of my business and I need to stop worrying "
    Where is the emotional and verbal abuse in that?

    He is disregarding her feelings and shutting her off, that's emotional abuse. Also, "none of your business" is not something you say to someone you love and respect, that's verbal abuse.
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    well to be honest most people would occasionally talk to a friend/family about their relationship, particularly in a bumpy or bad patch or after an argument - it wasn't a great way to handle it on his part as generally the other person would be subtle enough not to tell the partner they'd been discussing them...

    perhaps talk to him and say something like 'it's fine to talk to your friends and I know sometimes you might want advice or to vent about relationship issues and I don't have a problem with that at all but I just wanted to check in and see if anything is wrong or there is anything we need to talk about/work on at the moment as it's got me worried' - if he says no everything is fine then take it at face value for now, it might have been one tiny thing you did which he moaned about and is over now so he doesn't wanna bring it up again
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    (Original post by candymonster)
    He is disregarding her feelings and shutting her off, that's emotional abuse. Also, "none of your business" is not something you say to someone you love and respect, that's verbal abuse.
    I think you need to read up on what emotional/verbal abuse actually is.

    Disregarding the guy's sketchy behavior, he is not obligated to tell his girlfriend the contents of the phone-call and therefore it can be considered "non of her business". The phrase has a negative vibe to it given how it can be used, but it's not really much different from saying "non of your concern".
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    (Original post by candymonster)
    He is disregarding her feelings and shutting her off, that's emotional abuse. Also, "none of your business" is not something you say to someone you love and respect, that's verbal abuse.
    Read up on what emotional/verbal abuse actually is before you start throwing labels around.

    Disregarding the guy's sketchy behavior, he is not obligated to tell his girlfriend the contents of the phone call so in effect it really is "non of her business". That phrase has a negative vibe to it given the context it is often used, but it's no different from saying "non of your concern" or such like.
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    Thanks all. The last thing I want to be is controlling, of course he can talk to who he wants, I've spoken to close friends who I trust about past issues and asked for their advice because at times you don't want to feel like you're alone. I have no idea what's been said and I'm not going to go through his phone to find out, it just made me feel uncomfortable. He has said in the past that there are things he talks about with people on Facebook Messenger etc which he wants to keep private, which I'm sure happens a lot in relationships, I have never *****ed about him behind his back though.
 
 
 
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