I feel terrible... I am a loser (long) Watch

XmaX
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I decided to write this post, as I feel a bit frustrated. I always wanted to see myself as someone special, probably because of what I achieved. Now I am startring to think that I am actually a loser Sorry for making it so long

I went to school in Poland, took part in a lot of competitions, I was the best student at my school. As one of 12 people in Poland, I got a 40000 pounds worth scholarship to go to a boarding school in England. Sounds great, doesn't it? It was even better - I got AAAAAB on my AS, and got an offer from Christ's College, Cambridge, with a scholarship of 6000 pounds a year. Couldn't be better. But then - the worst day of my life approached - I failed to meet the offer conditions. In my chemistry exam, I was 8 marks off an A. I wonder how many people miss their offers while being able to get AAAABB. Well, I was one of them. The worst thing of the whole situation was that I have really lost an opportunity to go to university this year - I wouldn't get any financial support at my insurace choice at that point, and the most I could get from my parents was maybe 800 pounds a year. I not even mention that I lost the opportunity to study at the best university in the world.

It was terrible. Since then, I can't stop thinking about it. When I look at the photos of the holiday I went to just before the A-Level results and first rejection, I want to cry - I just remind myself that at that time I still thought that I was going to Cambridge in 2 months time. Even my university card was already done, waiting for me in Cambridge (I remeber how long it took me to take a nice photo). I hate the songs that were hits at that time, I can't play the computer game I played at the time when the letter arrived any more.

In these circumstances, I had to take a gap-year, reapply, and resit the chemistry exam, just to get an A. And so I did - I safely applied to Homerton College, whichc is the worst (according to the Tompkins Table) and easiest to get in. And then, the second worst day of my life came - I was rejected. Not even placed in the pool, nothing. Accepted by the best college, rejected by the worst

After some time I sort of accepted it, and decided to go to Imperial. I keep telling myself that I actually like the course more, and living in Cambridge would certainly be better. But I know that I would feel better in Cambridge, and I will probably regret the whole situation for my entire life. Hopefully, I could get there to do postgraduate degree.

But then there was the financial problem about Imperial. They don't have any scholarships for EU students. I managed to find a potential solution, by going to work in the UK for the remaider of the year, get some money, and additionally get a status of migrant worker which would entitle me to the same financial support as UK students. Sounds good, and that's what I did. I came to London in mid-April and started to look for work. Lots of Polish people come here, find a job, and I though I had an advantage of being fluent in English and having good A-Lavels. I was wrong. I was jobhunting for 7 weeks, without any result. I sent over 100 applications, and been invited to 3 interviews, all of them unsuccessful. They either said I didn't have experience (even though I did the same things at school, and in my free time), or I was over-qualified and likely to leave the job.
Ultimately, I did find a job. What was it - a lab assistant? Office junior? Junior web designer? No - a street cleaner, working for minimum wage, as far from my flat in London as it could get. I have better qualifications than most of the supervisors, yet I still work there - I could not find any job at all.

The poor salary will probably mean that I will actually spend 4 months in London, and bring back less money than I had when I arrived to London. Quite ridiculous. Not to mention that I would just waste another 4 months, which I could spend easting normal food, swimming in a lovely lake in nice weather of my home city in Poland. Of course, I need to work to get my scholarship, so at least it is justified. But what If I don't get it? I meet all the conditions, but who knows what will they decide at SLC? Obviously, I could not go to uni without it, so I have absolutely no idea what I would do.

You could argue that academic stuff is not the most important in life. I might agree. But then what is? Friends? Most of them went to unis, I am losing contact with them. The only girls I talked to in the past 6 months were some girls in the internet I never met in person. Love? I don't have a girlfriend. In fact I never had one, and go on, I never even kissed a girl. Quite pathetic for a 20- year-old. People say that I would finally find somebody at university. Yeah, possible - but they said the same before my gap year, before my high school, etc. Besides, although my family situation is generally good, we are facing serious financial problems, which doesn't make me too happy.

And that's not all. I can't even do much in my free time - I don't have much money to do stuff. I can't even use my computer properly, as it broke 10 days after I came to UK - and so did my mouse, watch and mobile. I even have some dental problems at the moment.

As you can see, I have plenty of reasons to feel depressed. Sometimes I think that I am the biggest loser on Earth, and I still think that it could be avoided by getting in to Cambridge at the first place... I don't know how to cope with it all...
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Airel
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8 Marks off an A. Thats so bad. Didn't the University have some sort of Appeal system?
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XmaX
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They probably had, but then I understand their decision. I did fail to satisfy the conditions so I paid the price... The only thing I could do was to apply for a remark, and I did, but the result didn't change.
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Christophicus
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I remember you posting when you got the offer all those years ago. I really thought you'd make it. Keep your chin up, you've still got fantastic a-levels and debt is unavoidable for a lot of students. Surely you'll get a bigger loan for living in London at least? Why not give Imperial a go?
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XmaX
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Yeah, I am going to Imperial, and yes, I will get a bigger loan (assuming SLC gives me what I requested )
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x_beth_x
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Hun dont get too depressed about it all. Oxbridge is notorious for being harsh like that. It wouldnt be one of the hardest Unis in the world to get accepted/finally get into if it wasnt. Imperials not exactly bad atal and im sure youll do fine..chin up my lovely and take care xxxxxx
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Profesh
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Your offer was 'AAAAA'? Preposterous. If it's any consolation: they can't have wanted you that much.
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Captain Bravo
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Don't feel too bad.
There is always more than one route to get to where you want to in the end.
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Music_Enthusiast
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What did you want to do after Cambridge?
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Christophicus
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(Original post by Profesh)
Your offer was 'AAAAA'? Preposterous. If it's any consolation: they can't have wanted you that much.
The offer was AAAA but he got AAAABB (A's in Maths, F. Maths, Physics and Polish, B's in Chemistry and Biology)
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city_chic
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Aw I'm sorry
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ChemistBoy
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Put it behind you and remind yourself that you are at a university than many people would wish to be studying at (I think calling yourself a 'loser' was quite a way over the top). I would extend my unreserved sympathies to you if you had really screwed up, but 'only' getting into Imperial College is hardly a screw up at all, you will have all the opportunities you would have had at Cambridge I'm sure. Remember that many people fail to meet their first choice offer and end up in much worse situations than being accepted at one of Europe's (probably the world's) best scientific and technological institutions.
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Eau
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(Original post by XmaX)
I decided to write this post, as I feel a bit frustrated. I always wanted to see myself as someone special, probably because of what I achieved. Now I am startring to think that I am actually a loser Sorry for making it so long

I went to school in Poland, took part in a lot of competitions, I was the best student at my school. As one of 12 people in Poland, I got a 40000 pounds worth scholarship to go to a boarding school in England. Sounds great, doesn't it? It was even better - I got AAAAAB on my AS, and got an offer from Christ's College, Cambridge, with a scholarship of 6000 pounds a year. Couldn't be better. But then - the worst day of my life approached - I failed to meet the offer conditions. In my chemistry exam, I was 8 marks off an A. I wonder how many people miss their offers while being able to get AAAABB. Well, I was one of them. The worst thing of the whole situation was that I have really lost an opportunity to go to university this year - I wouldn't get any financial support at my insurace choice at that point, and the most I could get from my parents was maybe 800 pounds a year. I not even mention that I lost the opportunity to study at the best university in the world.

It was terrible. Since then, I can't stop thinking about it. When I look at the photos of the holiday I went to just before the A-Level results and first rejection, I want to cry - I just remind myself that at that time I still thought that I was going to Cambridge in 2 months time. Even my university card was already done, waiting for me in Cambridge (I remeber how long it took me to take a nice photo). I hate the songs that were hits at that time, I can't play the computer game I played at the time when the letter arrived any more.

In these circumstances, I had to take a gap-year, reapply, and resit the chemistry exam, just to get an A. And so I did - I safely applied to Homerton College, whichc is the worst (according to the Tompkins Table) and easiest to get in. And then, the second worst day of my life came - I was rejected. Not even placed in the pool, nothing. Accepted by the best college, rejected by the worst

After some time I sort of accepted it, and decided to go to Imperial. I keep telling myself that I actually like the course more, and living in Cambridge would certainly be better. But I know that I would feel better in Cambridge, and I will probably regret the whole situation for my entire life. Hopefully, I could get there to do postgraduate degree.

But then there was the financial problem about Imperial. They don't have any scholarships for EU students. I managed to find a potential solution, by going to work in the UK for the remaider of the year, get some money, and additionally get a status of migrant worker which would entitle me to the same financial support as UK students. Sounds good, and that's what I did. I came to London in mid-April and started to look for work. Lots of Polish people come here, find a job, and I though I had an advantage of being fluent in English and having good A-Lavels. I was wrong. I was jobhunting for 7 weeks, without any result. I sent over 100 applications, and been invited to 3 interviews, all of them unsuccessful. They either said I didn't have experience (even though I did the same things at school, and in my free time), or I was over-qualified and likely to leave the job.
Ultimately, I did find a job. What was it - a lab assistant? Office junior? Junior web designer? No - a street cleaner, working for minimum wage, as far from my flat in London as it could get. I have better qualifications than most of the supervisors, yet I still work there - I could not find any job at all.

The poor salary will probably mean that I will actually spend 4 months in London, and bring back less money than I had when I arrived to London. Quite ridiculous. Not to mention that I would just waste another 4 months, which I could spend easting normal food, swimming in a lovely lake in nice weather of my home city in Poland. Of course, I need to work to get my scholarship, so at least it is justified. But what If I don't get it? I meet all the conditions, but who knows what will they decide at SLC? Obviously, I could not go to uni without it, so I have absolutely no idea what I would do.

You could argue that academic stuff is not the most important in life. I might agree. But then what is? Friends? Most of them went to unis, I am losing contact with them. The only girls I talked to in the past 6 months were some girls in the internet I never met in person. Love? I don't have a girlfriend. In fact I never had one, and go on, I never even kissed a girl. Quite pathetic for a 20- year-old. People say that I would finally find somebody at university. Yeah, possible - but they said the same before my gap year, before my high school, etc. Besides, although my family situation is generally good, we are facing serious financial problems, which doesn't make me too happy.

And that's not all. I can't even do much in my free time - I don't have much money to do stuff. I can't even use my computer properly, as it broke 10 days after I came to UK - and so did my mouse, watch and mobile. I even have some dental problems at the moment.

As you can see, I have plenty of reasons to feel depressed. Sometimes I think that I am the biggest loser on Earth, and I still think that it could be avoided by getting in to Cambridge at the first place... I don't know how to cope with it all...
Forget the past; live in the moment and enjoy it.
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Music_Enthusiast
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Maybe not going to Cambridge will do you more good than harm because you'll realise people who don't get in there are still valid people who you shouldn't look down upon. And maybe you'll get yourself a hoe.
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kellywood_5
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You're not a loser at all :hugs: Your A-level results are still excellent, even if they weren't quite good enough for Cambridge, and the fact that you were offered scholarships and a place at one of the best unis in the world speaks for itself really. Think of all the thousands of people who don't even get to the pooling stage, let alone the offer stage, and some people don't even get to the interview stage. You must have had a fantastic application to have beaten all those people and got an offer in the first place.

I know what it's like to be in your situation. I also got an offer from Cambridge and I also missed it, except that for me it was by only 4 marks. Granted, I only got AABC, and I imagine it must be a lot worse to be rejected with grades as good as yours, but I was still a complete mess on results day. To get so close and then mess it up at the last hurdle is horrible, especially when everyone says that getting an offer in the first place is the hardest part and it's all your teachers, family and friends have been talking about for months. All I could think about was eveything I should have done differently- that 'what ifs'. But I went to my insurance, Exeter, and had a great first year. I loved my course, I joined several societies, I met lots of good friends and I grew up so much. I'm sure you'll have the same experience at Imperial. It's still an amazing univeristy, consistently in the top 5 of league tables, and honestly, I doubt going there instead of to Cambridge will make any difference to your future job prospects.

As for not having many friends or a girlfriend, I was in the same situation (if you replace girlfriend with boyfriend ) and all I can say is that you will meet plenty of great people at uni. They might be people you live with, people on your course or people you meet in societies.

It must suck to have all these financial problems as well, but keep working, even though you're in a minimum wage job that you're far too qualified for. You've come this far, spent 7 weeks looking for work and it would be pointless to give up now. Even if you don't earn much, it's better than nothing, and a major benefit of going to a top uni is that you should never have to do a job like that again. I'm sure you'll be able to sort out your student finance.

Wow, I think my reply was almost as long as your original post, but I thought it might help to hear from someone who's been in at least part of your situation before and came out smiling Hope you feel better soon.
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Warrior King
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I thought Cambridge offers only went up to AAA or AAA and AEA?
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increaseyourfanbase
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Jesus, reading this has made me realise I should stop moaning so much about not finding a summer job.
I hope everything works out for you, which it will, everything always works out in the end.
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Profesh
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(Original post by Christophicus)
The offer was AAAA but he got AAAABB (A's in Maths, F. Maths, Physics and Polish, B's in Chemistry and Biology)
In which case, unless Cambridge stipulated certain subjects for 'A' attainment (e.g. Chemistry), he should still technically have satisfied the conditions of his offer.
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dismal_laundry
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Man, you are doing well, really. You get hit with these awful disappointments, and you just keep going. You've got guts and determination to struggle to get a job then work as a streecleaner and stick with it, and far away from home. You've got much better understanding and human sympathy as a result of all this. Believe me, you're not a loser. I was feeling sorry for myself because of my own financial situation, and I'm working too, but I didn't have to struggle for my jobs, my nieghbours helped me out. I've got a lot of respect for you.

Imperial is the #3 or #4 in the UK with a superb global reputation. You've done exceedingly well, no question.

The boyfriend/girlfriend thing? It'll happen in its own good time...

You have a tremendous lot to look forward to and to be proud of.
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XmaX
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(Original post by Profesh)
(Original post by Christophicus)
The offer was AAAA but he got AAAABB (A's in Maths, F. Maths, Physics and Polish, B's in Chemistry and Biology)
In which case, unless Cambridge stipulated certain subjects for 'A' attainment (e.g. Chemistry), he should still technically have satisfied the conditions of his offer.
Precisely. Cambridge wanted 4A's in any of my subjects except from Polish.

Wow, Christophicus. I am impressed that anyone remebered my situation, not to mention my subjects and grades :eek:

Anyway, thanks for the responses. You helped me a lot.
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