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finding the balance between being assertive vs wound up Watch

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    so im a pretty timid, quiet person and I think because of this some people like to be rude/mean/********s to me, because they might think they can get away with it and I wont do anything about it. ive been trying to learn to be more assertive and stop people walking all over me, whether its in the workplace or in friendships. looking back on how i used to be i feel really embarrassed... in high school guys would call me ugly and be horrible to me all the time and i just took it... i didnt fight back or say anything, i thought ignoring them would work. then when i started getting into relationships it was the same, my boyfriends would treat me appallingly, and i wouldnt do anything about it.

    because of these events, ive become a bit angry and started to stand up for myself. however its hard finding the balance between assertiveness and aggressiveness.

    its also hard picking the "right" battles. like random kids on trains giving me hassle is enough to wind me up and i end up exploding at them, which only makes them laugh. whereas in relationships or friendships where someone is being disrespectful to me, I will try to raise the issue in a civil, mature way, just by saying something like 'hey when you called me fat, that hurt my feelings'. but still, people dont take me seriously and dont treat me with respect.

    i also worry that some people such as boyfriends, wind me up on purpose because they want this overblown reaction from me. they want to see me 'go mental', just to laugh or tell their friends.

    i guess maybe i need anger counselling or something...

    but its tough cos if i dont stick up for myself and ignore these things, then will people think they can walk all over me? :|
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    You don't need to raise your voice to be assertive, that's the first thing you're doing wrong here.
    If someone asks you to do something that you're not comfortable to do or think it's wrong, you say no I'm not doing that. That's assertive, not stamping and kicking your legs and practically crying at the other person.
    Don't say hey when you called me fat it hurt my feelings. Say don't call me fat please, it hurts my feelings and makes you seem to be a negative person
    Also are you sure you're just not an overly sensitive person? It sounds like years of bullying have taken toll on you and even the slightest remarks which you perceive to be offensive are having chain reactions on you. I think you should go to a few counselling sessions tbh
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    it sounds like you need to practice being assertive AND learn to pick your battles... if a random kid laughs at you on the train and you respond they will always laugh more no matter what you say, you need to just ignore them... if your boyfreind says something that isn't nice you can respond to that and say 'that hurt my feelings, jokes are okay but I'd rather you didn't say that again'

    the other thing is that being assertive is about asking for what you want and expecting to have decent standards NOT about getting angry and sticking up for yourself
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    (Original post by Pinkberry_y)
    You don't need to raise your voice to be assertive, that's the first thing you're doing wrong here.
    If someone asks you to do something that you're not comfortable to do or think it's wrong, you say no I'm not doing that. That's assertive, not stamping and kicking your legs and practically crying at the other person.
    Don't say hey when you called me fat it hurt my feelings. Say don't call me fat please, it hurts my feelings and makes you seem to be a negative person
    Also are you sure you're just not an overly sensitive person? It sounds like years of bullying have taken toll on you and even the slightest remarks which you perceive to be offensive are having chain reactions on you. I think you should go to a few counselling sessions tbh
    Yeah that's true, I don't necessarily kick and cry, I do try to civilly and calmly say how I feel. But sometimes you do get emotional, just depends on the situation I guess.

    I did say to my partner not to call me fat, but he said it again, so it seemed like he was happy to continue to say something he knew I wasn't okay with.

    yeah I am a sensitive person, that is true. i guess i need to work on caring less and not letting peoples comments affect me so much?
 
 
 
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