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Are we compatable with opposite life views? watch

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    So I’ve been with my girlfriend since February and we’re quite serious. When we first started getting close she started to make it clear that she had quite different views to me; views that I personally wouldn’t think are very nice, let alone agree with. Now I think my first mistake came at that point because I shouldn’t have let it continue. I just would have felt guilty; almost like I lead her on, so I carried on and since then we have spent practically every day with each other, been on holiday together and we’ve just moved in the same flat. There are some times when the relationship is great and she’s clearly quite fond of me. There are times when I tell her that I love her, because at times I feel like I do, but always in the back of my mind there is the question of whether I actually like her, never mind love her.
    She wants to meet my family but I think it don’t think they’ll like her. She can come across as really stuck up and unkind.

    Anyway my actual question is do you think a couple can be compatible when their views are so different? Our morals, political views and even senses of humour are polar opposites and I just think it’s doomed. I can’t see myself with her in the future at all – not happily anyway. We’ve just moved into a shared flat together for the next year of uni but I don’t know if I can stand it for that long.
    I just feel so guilty because I feel it’s my fault for not ending it sooner. Everything about our relationship is wrong, but should I just endure it until we canphysically move away?
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    What kind of views are they? If you think they're going to hinder your relationship that much then end it, it's not fair on either of you you'll just lead her on. Or you could just take her to see your family and see how it goes
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    Not if your views are so different you don't think they're nice, so not in your case no :no:

    You have to end it, it's not fair on either of you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I’ve been with my girlfriend since February and we’re quite serious. When we first started getting close she started to make it clear that she had quite different views to me; views that I personally wouldn’t think are very nice, let alone agree with. Now I think my first mistake came at that point because I shouldn’t have let it continue. I just would have felt guilty; almost like I lead her on, so I carried on and since then we have spent practically every day with each other, been on holiday together and we’ve just moved in the same flat. There are some times when the relationship is great and she’s clearly quite fond of me. There are times when I tell her that I love her, because at times I feel like I do, but always in the back of my mind there is the question of whether I actually like her, never mind love her.
    She wants to meet my family but I think it don’t think they’ll like her. She can come across as really stuck up and unkind.

    Anyway my actual question is do you think a couple can be compatible when their views are so different? Our morals, political views and even senses of humour are polar opposites and I just think it’s doomed. I can’t see myself with her in the future at all – not happily anyway. We’ve just moved into a shared flat together for the next year of uni but I don’t know if I can stand it for that long.
    I just feel so guilty because I feel it’s my fault for not ending it sooner. Everything about our relationship is wrong, but should I just endure it until we canphysically move away?
    Hi, what views are they?

    If you have extreme views such as racist, sexist or misogynistic views, but her views are different, where she has a more accepting nature, then I strongly advise you to stay with her and allow her to change your views.

    If she has quite radical views that are borderline illegal or outrightly offensive, then you should run, my friend. It is one thing to date a woman at University and it is another thing to settle down with her post-University.

    Think about what you want from your life and if she fits into your goals. If she does not, then calmly break it off. Clearly explain your reasons because women love closure and she will hate you, if you don't give her a form of closure.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Wired_1800)
    Hi, what views are they?

    If you have extreme views such as racist, sexist or misogynistic views, but her views are different, where she has a more accepting nature, then I strongly advise you to stay with her and allow her to change your views.

    If she has quite radical views that are borderline illegal or outrightly offensive, then you should run, my friend. It is one thing to date a woman at University and it is another thing to settle down with her post-University.

    Think about what you want from your life and if she fits into your goals. If she does not, then calmly break it off. Clearly explain your reasons because women love closure and she will hate you, if you don't give her a form of closure.

    Good luck.
    Hiya,

    I'd say it's the opposite way around tbh. I'd say my views are more moderate and accepting, although I guess I would say that cause they're my views haha. She isn't racist or anything, just ultra conservative to the point of it getting in the way of her interacting nicely with others. She is also really logical and although I admire that, it is often frustrating when she shows no compassion. Generally I like to try to be a nice person to everyone. Okay that may not happen 100% of the time; I'm human; but I just get the sense that she doesn't even try to be a nice person.

    Thanks for your advice. I think you make a good point about the closure thing.
    • #1
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    Thanks for the replies guys! I know it's gonna have to end soon, but I'll just feel so guilty you know?

    Also we've been together since November, not February like I wrote. Oops.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I’ve been with my girlfriend since February and we’re quite serious. When we first started getting close she started to make it clear that she had quite different views to me; views that I personally wouldn’t think are very nice, let alone agree with. Now I think my first mistake came at that point because I shouldn’t have let it continue. I just would have felt guilty; almost like I lead her on, so I carried on and since then we have spent practically every day with each other, been on holiday together and we’ve just moved in the same flat. There are some times when the relationship is great and she’s clearly quite fond of me. There are times when I tell her that I love her, because at times I feel like I do, but always in the back of my mind there is the question of whether I actually like her, never mind love her.
    She wants to meet my family but I think it don’t think they’ll like her. She can come across as really stuck up and unkind.

    Anyway my actual question is do you think a couple can be compatible when their views are so different? Our morals, political views and even senses of humour are polar opposites and I just think it’s doomed. I can’t see myself with her in the future at all – not happily anyway. We’ve just moved into a shared flat together for the next year of uni but I don’t know if I can stand it for that long.
    I just feel so guilty because I feel it’s my fault for not ending it sooner. Everything about our relationship is wrong, but should I just endure it until we canphysically move away?

    I can see that you are really striking an uneasy balance between loving her and getting yourself out from this contradictory relationship because of the different views you too hold. If I were you, I would not have started a relationship with someone who holds a completely different point of view from my own at the first place, even though I really liked that person-I would have suppressed my feeling at the first place. But again, I am not saying what I would have done would be completely reasonable and right. I think there's no right and wrong answer in a relationship- and if you really love her, I think you should try to accept her views sometimes. But to be honest, personally I do have strong moral views and I would never allow myself to be with someone who will not accept that very view of mine.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the replies guys! I know it's gonna have to end soon, but I'll just feel so guilty you know?

    Also we've been together since November, not February like I wrote. Oops.
    Why did you agree to share a flat?
    Mate you have got yourself into a BAAAD situation XD is it just the 2 of you in the flat?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the replies guys! I know it's gonna have to end soon, but I'll just feel so guilty you know?

    Also we've been together since November, not February like I wrote. Oops.
    I'm babysitting this kid at the moment who sounds like your girlfriend. She's stuck up too but I'm attempting to change her every time she says something b**chy, I give the extreme opposite point of view.
    I reckon it might be working because she doesn't say as many mean things anymore.

    For example she was going on about how she didn't think her school should run a homework club because homework should be done at home. So I said what about the kids who's parents can't help then with their homework because they are ill or busy or not very smart. The little know it all said that they should use google to help them. My reply was that maybe the kid didn't have a laptop or Internet and that they lived too far away from the library to use those laptops. She shut up after that because she realised that she didn't even know people like that existed.

    My next mission is to stop her making fun of the woman next door. This family hate the woman because she is 'always drunk'. Mate I have seen her a couple of times now and she hasn't been drunk once. She's severely disabled and appears to have mental health issues but she wasn't drunk. Saying things behind her back is just wrong.
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    THE QUESTION IS, does she agree to anal
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    There are things which you need to agree on in order to stay together but politics is not one of them. I'm pretty conservative but half my friends and relationships have been with lefty liberals. Decisions surrounding marriage, children and personality traits are far more influential on the success of a relationship.

    Since you've said that you see no future, you should break up with her though.
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    Compatible * . I'll show myself the door......
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hiya,

    I'd say it's the opposite way around tbh. I'd say my views are more moderate and accepting, although I guess I would say that cause they're my views haha. She isn't racist or anything, just ultra conservative to the point of it getting in the way of her interacting nicely with others. She is also really logical and although I admire that, it is often frustrating when she shows no compassion. Generally I like to try to be a nice person to everyone. Okay that may not happen 100% of the time; I'm human; but I just get the sense that she doesn't even try to be a nice person.

    Thanks for your advice. I think you make a good point about the closure thing.
    (Original post by Rakas21)
    There are things which you need to agree on in order to stay together but politics is not one of them. I'm pretty conservative but half my friends and relationships have been with lefty liberals. Decisions surrounding marriage, children and personality traits are far more influential on the success of a relationship.

    Since you've said that you see no future, you should break up with her though.
    I'd normally be with Rakas on this one: I've had friendships and relationships with right-wingers despite definitely not being one myself. But what you describe goes beyond just politics. A lack of compassion is absolutely a turn-off for me and by the sounds of it you're the same. That and being only willing to acknowledge logic rather than emotion is probably more associate with very conservative people, but isn't exclusive to them: I couldn't seriously get on with someone like that regardless of their other beliefs.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Lissy14)
    I'm babysitting this kid at the moment who sounds like your girlfriend. She's stuck up too but I'm attempting to change her every time she says something b**chy, I give the extreme opposite point of view.
    I reckon it might be working because she doesn't say as many mean things anymore.

    For example she was going on about how she didn't think her school should run a homework club because homework should be done at home. So I said what about the kids who's parents can't help then with their homework because they are ill or busy or not very smart. The little know it all said that they should use google to help them. My reply was that maybe the kid didn't have a laptop or Internet and that they lived too far away from the library to use those laptops. She shut up after that because she realised that she didn't even know people like that existed.

    My next mission is to stop her making fun of the woman next door. This family hate the woman because she is 'always drunk'. Mate I have seen her a couple of times now and she hasn't been drunk once. She's severely disabled and appears to have mental health issues but she wasn't drunk. Saying things behind her back is just wrong.

    You are a really nice person!!
 
 
 
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