Do i have any right to be upset?

Ok im not a very healthy person genreally, alot of medical issues. And im lucky to have a boyfriend that didnt run a mile wen he found out about it all. But what has hurt me is that yesterday i got taken to hospital with being quite unwell relating to one of my conditions, and i have been feeling a bit down recently anyway, and could have really done with his support and spending time with me tonight but im just distraught that he has chose to go out drinking with his mate who he drops everything for (who btw doesnt really like me, and is such a **** to women in general)

Am i right to feel upset he didnt want to spend time with me when i need him or am i being selfish, i mean he puts up with alot, However he got glandular fever last year and i basically ditched my social life to be there for him. I know its not the same as him putting up with my illnesses 24/7 but im so angry

And now i have made the huge mistake of getting mad at him and i think i have pushed him away, and now he is out with his mate who hates me already slagging me off, and getting drunk around other girls.

Oh god im being so dramtic but i feel this is a big deal to me

Reply 1

User69701

10

Yes. He knew what he was signing up for.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

It is a big deal but at the end of the day it all comes down to how serious the relationshop is. How long have you been together?

If this condition/illness/whatever is a 24/7 thing then it is part of you, and it is part of the person he is with and he needs to accept that. Speaking from experience though there is a world between accepting and coping. It can sometimes get too much.

Reply 3

Pink_Diamond

OP

8

we have been together nearly 3 years.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Then in a way, there are two ways to look at it:

> It is totally unacceptable I cannot believe he did it blah blah etc etc

> He has supported you all that time, he deserves a break, he can't be there for you always blah blah etc etc

Reply 5

Pink_Diamond

OP

8

Yea well this time its a bit more serious than normal times when i am ill. I could get taken back to hospital at at any moment. And im a bit i guess the word is depressed because i had a lot of plans this weekend, things important to me, like charity work etc, and now i cant do anyhting, and im just sick of as soon as i try to lead a normal life my health bitch slaps me back to reality

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Yeah it's tough having to deal with stuff to do with health, especially when they mess up your life and plans like that, you do have a right to be upset but make sure you don't take out the anger you have for your illness and it's timing on your boyfriend. He needs to know how you feel and understand that but don't go over the top, it isn't the end of the world but it also isn't acceptable.

Reply 7

fleur de lis

15

Have you spoken to him and told him how you feel? Explained that you could really do with his support? Perhaps he isn't aware of quite how much you need him, or how this time is a bit different.

It could also be that he's really upset about it and is finding it hard to handle. Perhaps he needs a break himself.

Reply 8

ph9

10

I'd be upset myself personally

If it was serious, how much can he care if he'd rather go drinking with his friend than be with you

Reply 9

marshall123

You do have a right to be upset but don't nag him about his mate... this will only drive him away from u. Its up to him to do what he thinks is right. Tell him how u feel but don't be too angry at him over it. Good luck x

Reply 10

hannah_dru

2

fleur de lis

Have you spoken to him and told him how you feel? Explained that you could really do with his support? Perhaps he isn't aware of quite how much you need him, or how this time is a bit different.

It could also be that he's really upset about it and is finding it hard to handle. Perhaps he needs a break himself.

I agree. It is unfair really, but there are probably good reasons. I'm having the same problem with my best friend at the moment. I've been ill and she's backed off.

Reply 11

Pink_Diamond

OP

8

I have told how i feel many times, and 2nite i rang up and said im not going to pretend to be happy with his decision, and i resent him for it, but i hope he enjoys his nite.

I find it difficult to talk to him, he is kinda emotionless, and his idea of helping me was to offer to bring me KFC.

I mean i was talking about uni etc and i need to get used to being alone when im ill coz im not going to have anyone when im ill at uni, and he said he will be there for me, that he could rop everything and drive the 2 hours to be with me, but i dont expect him too, but how can i beleive that when he cant even miss a night out when im only a 10mintue drive away. Its not like he doesnt go out, he has been out week already with his mates.

Reply 12

fleur de lis

15

I have some health issues as well and my friends have found it very hard to deal with. They particularly found me being in hospital hard, and got very upset. At the time I felt really let down, but looking back I can understand that it wasn't that they didn't care about me, it was just beyond their capabilities to cope with. Perhaps it's similar for your boyfriend - you being ill affects him too remember.

Reply 13

Pink_Diamond

OP

8

Lol Hannah my so called best mate turned into all about her, becuase i was on the verge of collapse i asked my boyf to let her know i wouldnt be out last nite and she text me going ballistic telling me how childish i am for not telling her myself then it was explained it was becuase i was in hospital, it then moved onto how she couldnt cope with it rite now. Which i think was well out of order, as i was only making sure she didnt turn up to the pub and wait for me. And she has not apologised so i am not contacting her 1st

Reply 14

Pink_Diamond

OP

8

I know but i have been in hospital before now so he knows to expect, infact he predidcted i was making myself ill with stress not too ;long ago.

I see the point it may affect him too, but getting drunk doesnt help me. and it doesnt help him as he cant afford to be going out atm

Reply 15

hannah_dru

2

Pink_Diamond

Lol Hannah my so called best mate turned into all about her, becuase i was on the verge of collapse i asked my boyf to let her know i wouldnt be out last nite and she text me going ballistic telling me how childish i am for not telling her myself then it was explained it was becuase i was in hospital, it then moved onto how she couldnt cope with it rite now. Which i think was well out of order, as i was only making sure she didnt turn up to the pub and wait for me. And she has not apologised so i am not contacting her 1st

Yeah my best friend has been doing the "I can't deal with this" thing. I was like, "I just want some support." She hasn't said anything to me either, and hasn't apologised for the various excuses she's used.

Reply 16

Pink_Diamond

OP

8

i wouldnt mind but i didnt want her to come and visit me, i was just making sure she knew i wouldnt be out. Her sister than last nite proceeded to have a massive go at my boyfriend calling him scum and saying he should have been more considerate when letting her know i was going out that nite. I mean wtf....he was just telling her, how could he have been in the wrong?