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Am I being ungrateful or was my childhood a bit limited? watch

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    Tell me if you think I'm speaking out of place or being ungrateful but the fact that my parents didn't go for many family day outs throughout my childhood annoys me. Instead most week ends they took me along to toy fairs, basically a load of stalls in a sports hall full of people smoking (there was no smoking ban). I would just walk round following them bored. Most weekends we would go to a different toy fair. My friends at school went to Alton towers, Chester zoo, Knowsley safari park and things like adventure trails. I've never been to any of these places with parents, I went to a zoo with someone else's parents and a friend. My parents hardly ever went to parties either, if it was my cousins birthday my aunt would pick me up as my mum would be tired/had headache or said she was working the next day even though the party would finish at 10. Though to be fair we did go on holiday every year in the uk to an haven camp site with my extended family.

    Another thing is my parents never seemed to eat out. They would usually have curry and I would have a ready meal jacket potato and beans or ready meal bolugnase/lasagne. They used to cook limited meals but I think after working all day they weren't up to cooking. I remember in primary school when I was 11 I didn't know what Pizza Hut was. The kids were singing the song once on a school trip and I tried to sing along but didn't know what they were on about lol.

    I was an only child and my mum was very generous with money and did care but do you think I missed out a bit? I suppose I'm similar to my parents myself now, I never go anywhere, do anything nor have boyfriends/socialise etc.

    Just wondered did you lot go for many days out etc?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    By the way overall I do think I had a great childhood and good parents (it's not easy bringing up a kid) but I'm wondering if my life experiences were limited compared to others. One of my friends said that I don't know basic things that most people know and that it could be because my parents were quiet. This is what got me thinking.
    • #2
    #2

    I don't think you're being ungrateful but it sounds like your parents did at least make an effort to spend time with you, taking you to toy fairs and such. Though I get what you mean about feeling like your childhood could have been more.

    The other night I was thinking about it as I'm graduating next week and I thought to myself that this is the first time since a primary school nativity play that both my parents will be coming with me to see me up there on the stage.

    I feel blessed to still have them after this many years, but I also thought that it's been years since I went out for a meal or anything with just my parents and my dad never joins us anymore. Like I'm always taking my mum on days out and he never comes. I also thought about my childhood and all the things we did and didn't do.

    Every family has their own dynamic. Some families are super close and have family group chats and stuff. Whilst I would never have family on social media and we're all very distant. My dad and I can go weeks without seeing each other or talking though we live in the same house.
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    You need to move on from the past and just make the most of your present and future
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    It sounds like they made a decent effort to spend time with you, so it doesn't sound like a limited childhood at all especially having yearly holidays . When my dad passed, i didn't care about days out (mum was always honest that we couldn't afford them) just that she was there for me (i missed out on him being there but otherwise i didn't miss much in my mind).
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    This is unrelated and I'm sorry but, Chester Zoo, Alton Towers and Knowsley safari park. We probably live close by! But yeah, I suppose it does seem that way -- they definitely did try though, by taking you somewhere. Maybe financial issues were a problem? - Or work just tired them out. As long as they were kind I suppose it doesn't matter, try to think of the positives.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    was my childhood a bit limited?
    At one point down the road, most everyone asks themselves this question, or a variation of it. Some seek consolation in the belief that their exact experiences in childhood are what brought them to the exact place they are at,...sort of a "It was written" philosophy.
    But just count yourself a bit privileged to be questioning your childhood early enough to trigger an urge for control of your life going ahead. That sort of consciousness never hits many until they are approaching their 40s. You are one of the few lucky ones
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    Could been worse.

    Could have been much worse.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think you're being ungrateful but it sounds like your parents did at least make an effort to spend time with you, taking you to toy fairs and such. Though I get what you mean about feeling like your childhood could have been more.

    The other night I was thinking about it as I'm graduating next week and I thought to myself that this is the first time since a primary school nativity play that both my parents will be coming with me to see me up there on the stage.

    I feel blessed to still have them after this many years, but I also thought that it's been years since I went out for a meal or anything with just my parents and my dad never joins us anymore. Like I'm always taking my mum on days out and he never comes. I also thought about my childhood and all the things we did and didn't do.

    Every family has their own dynamic. Some families are super close and have family group chats and stuff. Whilst I would never have family on social media and we're all very distant. My dad and I can go weeks without seeing each other or talking though we live in the same house.
    Hi, yea mine didn't go go nativity plays either as they were working, my grandma came instead sometimes. Same with parent evenings I can only remember my parents going to one of them, because my mum got home from work late she used to send my aunt instead lol. My mum is very introverted which was probably the cause of it, she is very covert and just doesn't like going to family parties etc and my dad just follows whatever she does.
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    didn't go out for many either cos my parents are pretty stingy therefore rarely took us out

    the most we had was a picnic in the park a few times a year and that was usually done for the sake of showing off. so basically if we asked they'd say 'some other time maybe' but if my school friend or neighbours kid was over and we asked they'd be like sure, lets do it.

    annoyed me too and i always felt limited because i'd always hear about or saw my school friends out and about with their families every weekend doing something fun and yet our family rarely did it. got used to hearing no after a while and the sad thing is a lot of the times you turn out similar. well i did. now i rarely want to go out too even though i'm an adult and can afford to do so...
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    To the OP, you didn't have it so bad. You had parents who loved you, did their best for you and had time for you. There are many, many kids out there whose lives were much worse than yours. Don't dwell on what you didn't have, or what you thought you could have had. Let it go. I don't think you are intentionally ungrateful, though many kids do compare their lives to other kids' lives, and that's normal. When you have your own children, you may do things differently, but differently doesn't always mean better.
    I was brought up in care in the 50's and 60's and I would have sold my soul to have parents who gave me a life such as yours.
    Remember in your busy life to thank your parents for all they have been to you, because there may come a day when that won't be possible.
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    >OP I can see why you feel the way you do but, please, don't try to place blame or be angry at your parents. Parents have responsibilities, stresses and personal issues that hopefully you were never aware of. You said your mom is an introvert....perhaps she deals with social anxiety? Perhaps that anxiety is overwhelming to her emotionally/internally. Perhaps your parents have had to work very, very hard to meet their financial obligations and although there was always food on your table there wasn't extra for eating out or going on weekend outings. You know, perhaps it broke their heart that they weren't able to take you go do more. Who knows. Even though you weren't living a lavish lifestyle you knew they loved you and when they couldn't go to something of yours they did make sure that someone from the family was there for you. You have had it better than a lot of kids. Now that you are older and you are seeing yourself staying home and not socializing it is up to you to make a change if you want to. I hope you have a job where you can now afford to pay your own admission to those places you've longed to go. Hey, save up and pay for yourself and your parents to do an activity you'd like! Hopefully, one day you'll be the parent and you can take your kid on all kinds of outings! Its up to you what you do with your future but please don't judge your parents....
    • #3
    #3

    I feel you OP, my parents never went to weddings or other exciting events where we could meet other people and socialise. At New Years, everyone would go to New Years parties, go into London or firework displays and we would do nothing apart from watch it on TV. I love my parents more than anything but sometimes I wish if they'd taken me to more sociable places eg weddings, relatives houses etc, I'd be closer to my family and background culture now as well as be more comfortable with meeting new people.
    During school and 6th form they wouldn't let me go to parties etc because of my education and I went to an all girls school so uni was quite literally like being thrown in the Deep end for me and a massive culture shock. Even today, I still don't really know how to act around guys I like or sometimes people in general
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tell me if you think I'm speaking out of place or being ungrateful but the fact that my parents didn't go for many family day outs throughout my childhood annoys me. Instead most week ends they took me along to toy fairs, basically a load of stalls in a sports hall full of people smoking (there was no smoking ban). I would just walk round following them bored. Most weekends we would go to a different toy fair. My friends at school went to Alton towers, Chester zoo, Knowsley safari park and things like adventure trails. I've never been to any of these places with parents, I went to a zoo with someone else's parents and a friend. My parents hardly ever went to parties either, if it was my cousins birthday my aunt would pick me up as my mum would be tired/had headache or said she was working the next day even though the party would finish at 10. Though to be fair we did go on holiday every year in the uk to an haven camp site with my extended family.

    Another thing is my parents never seemed to eat out. They would usually have curry and I would have a ready meal jacket potato and beans or ready meal bolugnase/lasagne. They used to cook limited meals but I think after working all day they weren't up to cooking. I remember in primary school when I was 11 I didn't know what Pizza Hut was. The kids were singing the song once on a school trip and I tried to sing along but didn't know what they were on about lol.

    I was an only child and my mum was very generous with money and did care but do you think I missed out a bit? I suppose I'm similar to my parents myself now, I never go anywhere, do anything nor have boyfriends/socialise etc.

    Just wondered did you lot go for many days out etc?
    you're spoilt. come on, thy didn't abuse you or anything.
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    I was going to use stronger language, but then hmmm...i think you're being oversenstive and entitled.
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    (Original post by RooshV)
    Could been worse.

    Could have been much worse.
    This.
    • #4
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    Be grateful.

    My childhood was more or less nothing compared to yours.
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    At least you did stuff with your parents. My parents were always busy working so I never spent much family time with them doing stuff
 
 
 
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