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I'm so scared yet apathetic...

I know I posted a little while ago thinking I'm depressed but I still haven't gone to the doctor, I just feel so pathetic and I don't want to ask for help for anything and I hate that.

In two days time I'm going to be homeless. I don't mean homeless like I can just move back into my parents house I actually really don't have anywhere to go all because I didn't ask for help. I feel like a total failure right now, I'm only 19 and my life is already ****ed up. I'm going to be living on the street in two days.
Yesterday I had an argument with the phone company and as I was crossing the road to come home I almost walked out infront of a truck, I was in such a state that I wasn't looking and some woman pulled me back in time. Now I'm sat here and I'm actually entertaining ideas of packing my stuff and just going for it. I wouldn't really want to die but at least it could hurt me enough to put me in hospital then I would have somewhere to go.
I know I'm being really silly and I deserve flaming but I need help. I need help. I could say it online a million times but I can't bring myself to do anything about it.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I can't offer much advice on the housing front but as far as having depression and not wanting to get help i can relate to you.
You should try and speak to somebody about how you feel though, I know that it can be scary and you probably feel like you don't want to burden other people by talking about yourself but seriously it can help so much. I have only recently started counseling so I’m not much help but I know that I feel a lot better than before I started.
Is there any chance you could/would be willing to go to the docs or find a counselor or somebody else to talk too?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I do want to go to the doctor, I'm just scared. I don't know how to approach the situation and I don't want it to be something which will haunt me forever.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

It's a decision that you have to make by yourself, i got to the stage where i wanted to get help because i didn't want to feel how i was feeling any longer. Something just clicked and i forced myself to speak to the Dr. It seems that you know that you need help and are at a stage where you also want it, am i right?

It is one of those things where you have tell yourself that you deserve to feel better and you owe it to yourself to take a step to get help, what do you have to lose? It seems the path you are on is one of self-destruction and if talking to somebody could improve that path then surely you have to go for it?

Reply 4

hannah_dru

Anonymous

I do want to go to the doctor, I'm just scared. I don't know how to approach the situation and I don't want it to be something which will haunt me forever.

You don't need to be scared. Most doctors are nice about it ot should be. I just walked in there and said "I think I'm depressed." and that was it.

Reply 5

username47781

I'm sure doctors have to deal with something like this everyday, I know it must be very hard, but the longer you leave it the harder it will get.

Reply 6

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

My advice would be to go to the GP. I don't want to see you repeating my mistakes. I understand that it is scary, but it really is the best thing to do.

As for the housing situation, do you not have access to someone like citizens' advice bureau? I'm sure that someone would be able to help you out. It would be a lot better than ending up in hospital from a failed suicide attempt.

:hugs: