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Effect of parental abandonment on relationships? Watch

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    Do you think a parent leaving the family when a child is at an early age affects their future relationships? A friend of mine experienced her father leaving when she was 5. As a result, she feels, she struggles to commit to guys, fearing their leaving and derives confidence from the attention of men - seeking out new partners and being promiscuous. She also treats guys rather badly. Has anyone else experienced this?
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    My father abandoned me pretty much from birth and my mum abandoned me a lot throughout my childhood and led me to be raised by my grandparents and I am in a successful long term relationship and don't have any resentment to men out of what my dad did to me and same to women for what my mum used to be like nor do I have a fear of commitment, fear of them leaving etc or at least no more than the average person experiences.

    That's not to say my upbringing hasn't had an effect on me, it just hasn't got in the way of me having loving relationships. I do think it is quite common to experience the problems your friends is experiencing due to her circumstances but its not always the case. I think its important to stress that coming from a broken family/having a hard upbringing doesn't automatically mean you are doomed when it comes to relationships or life in general. Past experiences affect us all differently.

    Therapy or counselling could maybe help your friend deal with her past better if she feels this is the reason for her behaviour towards men and the downfall of her relationships.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you think a parent leaving the family when a child is at an early age affects their future relationships? A friend of mine experienced her father leaving when she was 5. As a result, she feels, she struggles to commit to guys, fearing their leaving and derives confidence from the attention of men - seeking out new partners and being promiscuous. She also treats guys rather badly. Has anyone else experienced this?
    I'd say that it's a common theme with men and women who have been abandoned, I was left by my mother (father didn't know I existed) and I grew up in care, my relationships aren't exactly solid and I tend to push people away rather than open up and let them in. I'm a guy, I sleep around and when in a relationship I sabotage, it's a hard cycle to get out of and I've had therapy but nothing works 100% so I feel I'll never overcome it but others I have met throughout my uni and work life have (strangely us children with single or no parents, end up finding each other).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you think a parent leaving the family when a child is at an early age affects their future relationships? A friend of mine experienced her father leaving when she was 5. As a result, she feels, she struggles to commit to guys, fearing their leaving and derives confidence from the attention of men - seeking out new partners and being promiscuous. She also treats guys rather badly. Has anyone else experienced this?
    My parents divorced when I was 6 and I now have trust issues and abandonment issues. I fear losing people.
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    A friend of mine was abandoned by his mother who left him with his grandparents in order to stay with her boyfriend. This was at a really young age and he's pretty emotionally messed up, relationship wise. Sleeps with different girls an awful lot, but a stable relationship? No. Seems to be a common thing with abandonment.
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    I was a foundling baby, abandoned at birth in 1948 and left on the steps of a children's home. Has had an effect on much of my life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd say that it's a common theme with men and women who have been abandoned, I was left by my mother (father didn't know I existed) and I grew up in care, my relationships aren't exactly solid and I tend to push people away rather than open up and let them in. I'm a guy, I sleep around and when in a relationship I sabotage, it's a hard cycle to get out of and I've had therapy but nothing works 100% so I feel I'll never overcome it but others I have met throughout my uni and work life have (strangely us children with single or no parents, end up finding each other).
    This is interesting, as my friend is the same. She was raised in a fairly stable home with her mther ever present and a step father for most of her life, but still this abandonment at 5, leaving her in single parent family for a few years seems to have had an effect. She certainly pushes people away, running when feelings crop up, sleeps around to a certain extent, or did when she was younger certainly and told me that she "always saboatage[s] the good things in life" - meaning relationships.
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    My dad moved away to another country when I was 2 and I saw him again properly when I was 5, but from then till I was around 14 he's always gone away for prolonged periods of time for work so I don't have a close relationship with him.
    Couple that with going to a girls only secondary school and sixth form, I don't have the healthiest ideas about boys and relationships
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    My dad was abusive until we lost contact when I was nine. I saw it as a relief tbh. The only effect it's had on me is that I'm more willing to end friendships/relationships without feeling too bad about it. If you're abandoned by a terrible person it feels awful in the short term and there will always be some emptiness inside you, but in the long term you do appreciate that it was probably for the best. That's how I often interpret unhappy relationships now.
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    SLOOTS GONNA SLOOT regardless
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is interesting, as my friend is the same. She was raised in a fairly stable home with her mther ever present and a step father for most of her life, but still this abandonment at 5, leaving her in single parent family for a few years seems to have had an effect. She certainly pushes people away, running when feelings crop up, sleeps around to a certain extent, or did when she was younger certainly and told me that she "always saboatage[s] the good things in life" - meaning relationships.
    Like I said, it's a common theme amongst those that have had people of significant meaning leave them which leads them to close themselves off more than anything, they'll still have relationships but they aren't healthy and nor do they last as they sabotage to get out first just incase the other person ends it before they can.

    You could suggest therapy if you think she's really badly affected but based on my experience, it won't help as much as they say it will.
 
 
 
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