The Student Room Group

Fate...bad luck...cursed or transition? Please Help,need some advice badly

Hi Guys,

I'm at a stage at the moment where everything just seems to be going wrong for me. Things that were set in stone before, have just disappeared. I'll set the scene, i've just come back from a year abroad and whilst i was there, i split up with my gf of 2 years. however i found out she'd been playing away with her male best friend the whole time.

I'm not close to my parents at all, they've kicked me out of my house when i was younger, due to my mother and her issues. my father actually admitted it wasnt my fault at all, and many of my friends parents over the years have commented that she is harsh on me and have taken me in over the years. i spent the past 2 christmases on my own,because i couldnt stand to be near here. unfortunately until i go back to uni in october, i have to stay at home. i have a job and spend a lotof the time in the gym ( ive started boxing) and my mother still makes comments about my weight (im not fat at all, but she is) and has a go at everything.

For years and years, ive talked about being in a band with my best friend. he plays drums and i play bass, andi chose my uni and year abroad so i could be close to where we live to practice. however since the start of the year ive hardly seen or heard from him, as he's gotten in with this girl. this girl, who cheated on her bf to be with him, and slept with both me and another good mate (neither of us knew) on the night before they got together. shes a whore, and a manipulator at that. suffice to say, we havent jammed or written together since theyve been together, and everytime ive seen him she's either there, or he's texting her literally every 2 minutes. ive talked to him about it a million times, and he seems to take it in but nothing has changed.I'm so disillusioned by it all, im thinking of quitting manchester and moving to london when i finish to uni to fulfill my dreams. or start up another new band here in manchester and prove him wrong.i love manchester, i love the city, its my home and my football team (mcfc) is here. every waking moment i think about being in a band, its my life and i want it to be, and we both used to talk about it and play gigs.....suddenly he's all about this girl and i feel mugged off. feel like im going through a breakup because of this, we were more than best friends -more like brothers! it was always about us two, and we've both had relationships in the past and its never been a problem. but suddenly he doesnt seem interested in me, and if i hear from him it has to be me doing the texting.

its making me question my future, not only being in a band but just the future. the idea of doing stuff without the pair of us having a whale of a time seems scary and just not accurate. we've both got friends outside each other, but it was always us to, people called us the 'terror twins' because of the fun we had. im so angry all the time, bitter and jaded. sometimes i feel like hitting something, or crying. everyday im in a bad mood and/or angry, and i cant seem to stop it. im hurting really bad, not justbecause of him, but because the future feels unclear. it just seems like everything is going wrong, i came off my mountain bike recently as the brake chord snapped, and i recently had my wallet stolen...........im not a negative person but i just seem to be hitting bad luck after bad luck. is this a state of transition? im hoping that i can form a new band that will make it where i want to go, i will be fit and healthy, maybe meet a decent girl...... but at the moment i have noone that i am close to, feel very lonely and not at all looking forward to my final year at uni and beyond. please help!
Reply 1
First of all, I am really sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the moment. Having problems with your friends is bad enough, but family as well is not at all nice.

I think you need to talk to your friend and explain that you miss how you two used to be, how you used to do everything together and should meet up more and do more things as mates. If he is this great mate you describe him as he should understand and agree, if he doesn't then perhaps you two have grown apart a bit and it may be a sign to move on and face the fact you've both changed a bit. I hope it doesn't come to that, it sounds as if you two were brilliant friends. The way you describe his girlfriend isn't great, and it makes me think that sooner or later her true colours will shine through and it'll end between them. You just have to wait and see on that note.

If you and your friend do come through this, do keep trying to start this band because it's obviously a big passion of yours. If he's not keen on the idea, do advertise around for band members, either from your Uni or just around your city. I'm sure tons of people play instruments and are looking for band members or to start a new band. Keep trying!

It seems you have all these dreams and goals to fulfill and I don't see why you can't do it. After Uni, you have your whole life ahead of you and you have all these things you want to do so look forward to that definitely. You say you're looking for a girl - go to bars, clubs, gigs or look closer to home, friends of friends, at your uni, online etc etc.

Talk to your friend and explain your problems, you aren't alone, seriously, you say you have other friends - talk to them! It will really make you feel better and perhaps let you look at life in a happier way :smile:
Reply 2
Lets take a step back here one minute -

I can establish that your mate is the major factor in why you are feeling so down and disillusioned at present.
If your friendship borders on 'brotherly love' status and used to be as solid as you say then I think you should tell him exactly how you feel, although in doing so I would limit the damage by not calling his gf a 'Whore' etc to his face. Lets be honest its not like it sounds like he is going to give up his gf for you. Tell him that whilst you can understand that he is now smitten (aka obsessed but dont say that!) with his new gf you think he should still make time for you as a mate. Although you say this grl has a history of gettin her jiggy on, maybe she might have changed. I think that the fact that you are so hostile towards this girl may be a big factor in why you dont hear from him that much.

I am sad to hear about your relationship with your mother but I think that we can both be sure that her cruelty is totally uncalled for and NOT your fault. Looking at you and calling you fat is unbelieveable. Although one thing I can guarentee is that she is in now any way, shape or form living a truly happy life, shes most probably looking at you with your life ahead of you and probably resents you a bit because perhaps her life hasnt ended up the way she wanted it too and its too late for her to change anything but would never admit that. I just pity her to be honest - what a sad life to lead. However rememebr that she is your mother and you have just got to grin and bear it for a few more months till uni. Try and talk to your dad and build upon your relationship with him, he might support you a bit more as a result and who knows even stick up for you a bit more.

Get stuck into uni and go for it this year! As suggested above advertise for your band and yes even though your best mate may decide not to join so what? At the end of the day you will be doin what makes you feel good!
Concentrate on making some more mates, hangin out', making this new band of yours - Mix that in with some serious studying for your last year and you should be made.

As for finding a grl - I have always found that when you stop looking for someone they fall right in your lap - Be being happy and content in yourself, even when things arent exactly going your way and you will seem a happy/fun/interesting person to be around you which can make all the difference! Its a bit of a waiting game but it'll happen.

Think BIG dude! Be Happy - Have this heart to heart with your mate, give his gf a chance for his sake and the sake of your friendship! Ask him to be honest with you. Advertise for bandmates at Uni and locally! You'll find some talent especially in Manchester! Be sensible (i.e. with studying etc) but have fun. Go for it! Your world is your oyster and if you are focussed and hard working your dreams WILL COME TRUE! :smile: