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I want to stop feeling so desperate for a relationship Watch

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    Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl and, since February (Valentine's Day to be exact) I find myself desperate for a relationship, and having periods of feeling ever so sad that I'm single. I suppose it isn't ALL the time - I do tell myself 'I need to focus on myself' but then the smallest thing will happen and I'll just fall back into the sadness hole. It's unfortunately become my permanent mindset now, but back when I was 16 I was completely happy being single, didn't mind at all, actually didn't want to date until at least my 20s. Was blissfully crushing on a dead celebrity. Boy, have things changed!

    I actually feel it dying down a tiny bit lately - my life is very hectic right now. But it'll come back again, I guarantee it. I suppose it's because more and more people are getting into relationships so the pressure is increasing, and sometimes I feel that there's something very wrong with me because I'm still single (even though it's not true). In July I was very down about it indeed and would go on Tinder and had two dates with this guy, but just felt no attraction to him. I would tell myself 'I'm just going to go up to some random guy in town and talk to him'. Never actually did that. I've now concluded that Tinder isn't for me and it's just so much nicer when it just happens by accident.

    I just want to stop feeling so sad and desperate about it. I also get this stupid panicky feeling that, because i'm not going to uni (not this year anyway), that's my chance of having a relationship gone. A lot of the reason I applied to uni was because I thought I would find it easier to get into a relationship there. Stupid, irrational, I know. But the annoying feeling keeps creeping up on me and I just want to live my life without feeling desperate, sad, jealous and panicky all the time. Any advice would be appreciated.
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    Oh wow, both you and I feel exactly the same way!
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    This is completely normal, please don't feel odd. I'm an 18 year old boy and I share this unfortunate kindest. In my opinion, the key for removing this mindset is primarily realising how young we are! We are still yet to finish major life experiences such as university (where you'll meet amazing people) and work. Due to our lack of experience we often lack the maturity to actually distinguish between liking someone because we feel lonely and want acceptance and genuinely having feelings for someone. Secondly, we must realise that once we have sorted out everything important in our lifes, relationships will follow. If you study hard and enjoy life, you'll end up in a place where you meet the person your supposed to!
    Sorry, rather long winded but this has been on my mind for a while.
    Hope this helps!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh wow, both you and I feel exactly the same way!
    Nice to know I'm not alone in this
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    (Original post by theman09)
    This is completely normal, please don't feel odd. I'm an 18 year old boy and I share this unfortunate kindest. In my opinion, the key for removing this mindset is primarily realising how young we are! We are still yet to finish major life experiences such as university (where you'll meet amazing people) and work. Due to our lack of experience we often lack the maturity to actually distinguish between liking someone because we feel lonely and want acceptance and genuinely having feelings for someone. Secondly, we must realise that once we have sorted out everything important in our lifes, relationships will follow. If you study hard and enjoy life, you'll end up in a place where you meet the person your supposed to!
    Sorry, rather long winded but this has been on my mind for a while.
    Hope this helps!
    Thank you for your reply You're so right - we have years ahead of us. I need to always remember this. I feel much better now
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    I feel the exact same way. I've never been in a "proper" long-term relationship and it's bothered me for ages now. I feel like I have a lot to offer in a relationship but unfortunately, my time hasn't come yet.

    I decided to focus on myself this summer though (working most days has helped) and I've had a few deep thoughts and revelations recently that have inspired me to change my desperate ways. I'm currently going into my second first year at uni (changing course) and I really don't want to make the same mistakes that I did last time.
    Last September, uni kinda made me go against my own personal morals and I didn't seek a relationship at all. If anything, I enjoyed the freedom of being single (but yet, couldn't take full advantage of this as I remain a virgin and only want to lose my virginity in a relationship)
    Anyway, that feeling didn't last too long and I soon got over the excitement of being single at uni. I started to feel like how I used to - sick of being single and desperate for a relationship. Like you, I also tried tinder but nothing good came out of any of the dates/meet-ups I went on. I also tried getting involved with some people I already knew at uni from societies and stuff...it always felt kinda forced though which, looking back on now, is not what I should want in a relationship.

    Reflecting on my actions and experiences over the past year has made me realise that I wasted a lot of time on unnecessary people in the hope of being in a relationship. I feel as if I let my standards slip and I lost track of what I really wanted. My standards aren't ridiculously high or anything like that, but I just realised that I was sacrificing my ideals in the hope that if I did, I'd end up in a relationship. All this resulted in was me getting involved with people who didn't even have any qualities that I personally look for in a guy.
    I now feel as if I've done myself a disservice. Wasted my time with people and let them in too much when they didn't deserve that privilege.
    I consider myself a hopeless romantic, which means I can often get carried away with the idea of love instead of properly thinking about the logistics of it all.

    Like you said, it's much nicer when meeting someone happens more naturally. My ideal situation would be something like this:
    1. I meet someone
    2. We establish a good, solid friendship
    3. We start to like each other
    4. We eventually reveal that we like each other
    5. We start dating and everything's G R E A T

    I had that kinda situation with one person in the past (3 years ago) but we didn't get to date for long as he went to uni and didn't want to do long distance. I also realised he really isn't for me relationship-wise. However, we are still best friends now and he's the only person I can truly say I'm pleased to have dated. I can't say the same for those I've got involved with recently though. But those experiences did have to to happen to made me realise I was being an idiot and was not acting in a way that would lead to me finding the relationship I've always wanted.

    Oops...I realise I've been blabbing on a bit here but I've had all these thoughts in my head and I just couldn't resist this opportunity to unleash them! I guess what I'm kinda trying to say is, keep your ideals in mind and don't settle for anything less!

    It's better to wait for the right time to come than to force it to happen sooner. I know this waiting game is incredibly annoying but we are young and these's plenty of time for a relationship to happen and it could just come when we least expect it to!
    I've been trying WAAAAAAY too hard when really I should just let it happen. It'd be awful to be in a situation where you wish you had waited for the right person instead of wasting time with someone who doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with you. Being desperate makes you settle for much less than what you really want because the status of being in a relationship becomes more important than the quality of the relationship itself. (I'm pretty proud of myself for realising that lol, and it's an important thing to remember so I've put it in bold!)
    Quality is important here, you don't just want any old relationship but you want to make sure it's a good one! Also, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Just because someone's in a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're really happy. Whenever you feel sad or desperate just remember that you're better off being alone than with someone who's not right for you. Our time will come some soon, don't worry!

    (Sorry for the double post - accidentally made myself anonymous and then had to post again)
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    (Original post by Kandybars)
    I feel the exact same way. I've never been in a "proper" long-term relationship and it's bothered me for ages now. I feel like I have a lot to offer in a relationship but unfortunately, my time hasn't come yet.

    I decided to focus on myself this summer though (working most days has helped) and I've had a few deep thoughts and revelations recently that have inspired me to change my desperate ways. I'm currently going into my second first year at uni (changing course) and I really don't want to make the same mistakes that I did last time.
    Last September, uni kinda made me go against my own personal morals and I didn't seek a relationship at all. If anything, I enjoyed the freedom of being single (but yet, couldn't take full advantage of this as I remain a virgin and only want to lose my virginity in a relationship)
    Anyway, that feeling didn't last too long and I soon got over the excitement of being single at uni. I started to feel like how I used to - sick of being single and desperate for a relationship. Like you, I also tried tinder but nothing good came out of any of the dates/meet-ups I went on. I also tried getting involved with some people I already knew at uni from societies and stuff...it always felt kinda forced though which, looking back on now, is not what I should want in a relationship.

    Reflecting on my actions and experiences over the past year has made me realise that I wasted a lot of time on unnecessary people in the hope of being in a relationship. I feel as if I let my standards slip and I lost track of what I really wanted. My standards aren't ridiculously high or anything like that, but I just realised that I was sacrificing my ideals in the hope that if I did, I'd end up in a relationship. All this resulted in was me getting involved with people who didn't even have any qualities that I personally look for in a guy.
    I now feel as if I've done myself a disservice. Wasted my time with people and let them in too much when they didn't deserve that privilege.
    I consider myself a hopeless romantic, which means I can often get carried away with the idea of love instead of properly thinking about the logistics of it all.

    Like you said, it's much nicer when meeting someone happens more naturally. My ideal situation would be something like this:
    1. I meet someone
    2. We establish a good, solid friendship
    3. We start to like each other
    4. We eventually reveal that we like each other
    5. We start dating and everything's G R E A T

    I had that kinda situation with one person in the past (3 years ago) but we didn't get to date for long as he went to uni and didn't want to do long distance. I also realised he really isn't for me relationship-wise. However, we are still best friends now and he's the only person I can truly say I'm pleased to have dated. I can't say the same for those I've got involved with recently though. But those experiences did have to to happen to made me realise I was being an idiot and was not acting in a way that would lead to me finding the relationship I've always wanted.

    Oops...I realise I've been blabbing on a bit here but I've had all these thoughts in my head and I just couldn't resist this opportunity to unleash them! I guess what I'm kinda trying to say is, keep your ideals in mind and don't settle for anything less!

    It's better to wait for the right time to come than to force it to happen sooner. I know this waiting game is incredibly annoying but we are young and these's plenty of time for a relationship to happen and it could just come when we least expect it to!
    I've been trying WAAAAAAY too hard when really I should just let it happen. It'd be awful to be in a situation where you wish you had waited for the right person instead of wasting time with someone who doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with you. Being desperate makes you settle for much less than what you really want because the status of being in a relationship becomes more important than the quality of the relationship itself. (I'm pretty proud of myself for realising that lol, and it's an important thing to remember so I've put it in bold!)
    Quality is important here, you don't just want any old relationship but you want to make sure it's a good one! Also, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Just because someone's in a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're really happy. Whenever you feel sad or desperate just remember that you're better off being alone than with someone who's not right for you. Our time will come some soon, don't worry!

    (Sorry for the double post - accidentally made myself anonymous and then had to post again)
    Wow, are you my slightly older self? Thank you so much for your reply. You're so, so, so right - we must never settle for less and when we get desperate, this is exactly what we do. God, I'd hate to lose my virginity with some randomer just because I felt pressured/desperate. I'm so happy for you that you had those revelations. I've been having them too lately. I really agree with you - there are plenty of coupled-up people who are miserable because they settled. And yes, our time will come and it will be great
 
 
 
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