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Dilemma

Basically, i have 2 best friends, 1 a guy, who iv known for a few years, and 1 a girl, who iv known for a few months and is my other best mates ex girlffriend. recently, me and my female friend have been getting really close, we have kissed and we do seem to have feelings for each other. shes constantly telling me she does, and i feel like i do too. however, i asked my other best mate what his feelings were for her and he said, he wasnt too sure, he didnt know if he still liked her or not. would it be wise to go with her? problem is, i cant get her out of my head from the moment we first kissed, but i also dont want to hurt my other friend.

help please?

Reply 1

sophisticated

17

there are sooo many threads like this.
my advice; girlfriends come and go but friends are here to stay.
stick with your friend...the girl will prob hurt you in the end anyway, these kind of things always get messy when other people are involved.

Reply 2

Rutter knows best!

12

i think you should go for it if she's no longer got eyes for him than what does it matter if he has made his mind up.
if she make s you happy then you do what s right, if he's a true friend he'll accept that .

Reply 3

Meliae

Did you ask your mate if he'd mind?

Reply 4

ph9

10

ask him obviously if he'd mind and reassure him you want to make sure he's ok before you do anything (if that really is how you feel). at the end of the day it comes down to how much you value your friendship with him

Reply 5

khil

15

If your friend was really your friend, surely he'd want you to be happy.

I've never understood the whole "but my friend's dated her/him before" - so what? They did break up, did they not? Therefore they're each free to go their own way and it's not fair that someone who isn't even in their life in that way anymore should affect that person's chances with someone else. Those two broke up for a reason - that's not a reason for you to not date her. If he still wanted her, he needs to go and try and get the girl, not stand there and say "I don't know" while you and the girl could have a perfectly happy relationship together.

They've broken up. She's free. Her past should never be a factor - so why should there be a difference just cus her past included your friend?

Reply 6

Profesh

20

irisng

If your friend was really your friend, surely he'd want you to be happy.

I've never understood the whole "but my friend's dated her/him before" - so what? They did break up, did they not? Therefore they're each free to go their own way and it's not fair that someone who isn't even in their life in that way anymore should affect that person's chances with someone else. Those two broke up for a reason - that's not a reason for you to not date her. If he still wanted her, he needs to go and try and get the girl, not stand there and say "I don't know" while you and the girl could have a perfectly happy relationship together.

They've broken up. She's free. Her past should never be a factor - so why should there be a difference just cus her past included your friend?

You've spared me the trouble of re-iterating myself yet again. For this, I thank you.

Reply 7

ph9

10

irisng

If your friend was really your friend, surely he'd want you to be happy.

I've never understood the whole "but my friend's dated her/him before" - so what? They did break up, did they not? Therefore they're each free to go their own way and it's not fair that someone who isn't even in their life in that way anymore should affect that person's chances with someone else. Those two broke up for a reason - that's not a reason for you to not date her. If he still wanted her, he needs to go and try and get the girl, not stand there and say "I don't know" while you and the girl could have a perfectly happy relationship together.

They've broken up. She's free. Her past should never be a factor - so why should there be a difference just cus her past included your friend?

yeah well there are loads of us out there who don't agree with it but it's there whether we like it or not. most humans have enough conscientiousness to not just go for a love interest if a friend of theirs has already been there, especially if they know they still have feelings for the person, whether they like the fact or not.

i believe the french say "c'est la vie"? :biggrin:

oh i'm so clever and worldly.

Reply 8

khil

15

ph9

yeah well there are loads of us out there who don't agree with it but it's there whether we like it or not. most humans have enough conscientiousness to not just go for a love interest if a friend of theirs has already been there, especially if they know they still have feelings for the person, whether they like the fact or not.

i believe the french say "c'est la vie"? :biggrin:

oh i'm so clever and worldly.

Life, eh? Well I think it's unfair that you can't go for someone just cus that person's dated a friend of yours before. Be sensitive by all means by not kissing/hugging in front of that friend, but that's not a reason to not date the person.

Warum habe ich nicht schlafen? And don't ask me if I'd written that correctly, I honestly don't know. I should sleep. I was just trying to sound clever and follow your trend of writing in foreign languages :biggrin:

Reply 9

ph9

10

Luckily for you, i only did one year of german and that was in year 7. i think i got something about sleep though....

and yeah, i feel the same way, but yeah... life. sigh. i think the silliest thing though is when both of you (or three of you or however many of you there are) all fancy the same boy/girl but each one of you feels like, should you be the lucky one, you can't do anything because your friends fancy him/her too. that one always gets me.

Reply 10

khil

15

ph9

Luckily for you, i only did one year of german and that was in year 7. i think i got something about sleep though....

and yeah, i feel the same way, but yeah... life. sigh. i think the silliest thing though is when both of you (or three of you or however many of you there are) all fancy the same boy/girl but each one of you feels like, should you be the lucky one, you can't do anything because your friends fancy him/her too. that one always gets me.

Haha yeh I (hopefully) asked "Why am I not asleep?" - I think schlafen goes with haben, right? I don't know... My German is so crap, so very crap. I did GCSE, stopped for 3 years, and picked it up again last year.

Oh dear I hope I never get into such a situation as the one you just described lol! It shouldn't happen, cus the only two girls who're my friends at uni, one's engaged and the other doesn't like the type of guy I'm into :biggrin:

So why am I not asleep again...?

Reply 11

ph9

10

i think you're not asleep because you're just as lazy as i am and can't actually be bothered to click 'shut down' and move to the bed. right? and it's light outside, that totally puts me off going to bed now