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Feeling ridiculously low right now, heres why... Watch

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    (Really) Long story cut short..

    I left school June 2015 with 1 GCSE, went straight into a carpentry apprenticeship in college, but I didn't really realize how bad my anxiety was until I was in a college filled with people and I was having panic attacks due to being around new people, and the stress of my course. So I dropped out of college in search for an apprenticeship, as I needed money also, this led onto a 7 month period where I did absolutely nothing and I was getting lower and lower everyday, feeling like I was going insane, I was (and still am) addicted to cannabis, and life was just not good, I tried applying for numerous apprenticeships with no success.

    Anyways, after this 7/8 month period, I got something in march this year, I was so happy, thinking about all the presents I could buy for my mum to thank her for looking after me, i felt really bad that I'd sat there and done nothing. I started in june this year, it was a business administration job, right off the bat I knew it wasnt for me as it entailed picking up phones and speaking to strangers, which triggered my anxiety even more so, but I stuck to it as I knew how low I was previously not doing anything, anyways 3 months later, I get a call from my apprenticeship agency saying I apparently faked my GCSES on my CV, I tried explaining there must have been some mistake, and we resolved it, but my boss was not happy and I ended up getting the sack 2 months ago.

    So now i'm 2 months deep into this again, and all my friends are going back to college, and I haven't enrolled due to my anxiety, but I haven't told my mum that, i've lied to her and said that i'm working something out. I saw a councellor last month and lied to him, saying I was still working, my councellor completely turned me away as he thought I was fine, it killed me inside as I know I really need help, i'm at breaking point.

    So currently, i'm feeling really *****y, going througn this phase of applying for apprenticeships again, and i'm going on 18 next march, i've just been so lost since I left school, been so ill prepared and now i'm terrified, i've got 1 GCSE to my name, i've missed my enrollment date, and now i've got fears that nobody will even bat an eye to me, as I've concluded that I only got my previous apprenticeship due to my "fake grades" on my CV. Sad thing is, I know i won't go back to college, I can't handle it, i'm so vulnerable right now, and mentally unstable, the cannabis isnt helping either, but it's an escape and I just can't stop, I NEED HELP.

    My friends all have jobs, good grades, a college course, girlfriends, I have none of that, and it's getting to me so much, i'm breaking down inside.

    Now my councellor has turned me away after just one session, i've got 2 choices, I can do something really stupid as a means of crying for help so people realize how ****ing deep into this mental rabbit hole i'm in.

    Please, I need suggestions, anything, anythinggg that can help me, I have nothing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    (Really) Long story cut short..

    I left school June 2015 with 1 GCSE, went straight into a carpentry apprenticeship in college, but I didn't really realize how bad my anxiety was until I was in a college filled with people and I was having panic attacks due to being around new people, and the stress of my course. So I dropped out of college in search for an apprenticeship, as I needed money also, this led onto a 7 month period where I did absolutely nothing and I was getting lower and lower everyday, feeling like I was going insane, I was (and still am) addicted to cannabis, and life was just not good, I tried applying for numerous apprenticeships with no success.

    Anyways, after this 7/8 month period, I got something in march this year, I was so happy, thinking about all the presents I could buy for my mum to thank her for looking after me, i felt really bad that I'd sat there and done nothing. I started in june this year, it was a business administration job, right off the bat I knew it wasnt for me as it entailed picking up phones and speaking to strangers, which triggered my anxiety even more so, but I stuck to it as I knew how low I was previously not doing anything, anyways 3 months later, I get a call from my apprenticeship agency saying I apparently faked my GCSES on my CV, I tried explaining there must have been some mistake, and we resolved it, but my boss was not happy and I ended up getting the sack 2 months ago.

    So now i'm 2 months deep into this again, and all my friends are going back to college, and I haven't enrolled due to my anxiety, but I haven't told my mum that, i've lied to her and said that i'm working something out. I saw a councellor last month and lied to him, saying I was still working, my councellor completely turned me away as he thought I was fine, it killed me inside as I know I really need help, i'm at breaking point.

    So currently, i'm feeling really *****y, going througn this phase of applying for apprenticeships again, and i'm going on 18 next march, i've just been so lost since I left school, been so ill prepared and now i'm terrified, i've got 1 GCSE to my name, i've missed my enrollment date, and now i've got fears that nobody will even bat an eye to me, as I've concluded that I only got my previous apprenticeship due to my "fake grades" on my CV. Sad thing is, I know i won't go back to college, I can't handle it, i'm so vulnerable right now, and mentally unstable, the cannabis isnt helping either, but it's an escape and I just can't stop, I NEED HELP.

    My friends all have jobs, good grades, a college course, girlfriends, I have none of that, and it's getting to me so much, i'm breaking down inside.

    Now my councellor has turned me away after just one session, i've got 2 choices, I can do something really stupid as a means of crying for help so people realize how ****ing deep into this mental rabbit hole i'm in.

    Please, I need suggestions, anything, anythinggg that can help me, I have nothing.
    You can still go back to your counsellor and tell them how you really feel. You really need to find someone to talk to. I'm going to leave a couple of contacts at the bottom so you have a couple of options, but please talk to someone. You also mention that you feel addicted to cannabis, so I'll leave something for that too. You have more choices than those two options. You can choose to get help.

    As for education/employment, you could always give college a go when things are sorted out a bit. That, or you could try and find another apprenticeship. Maybe it'd be worth, at some point, seeing if you can sit some more GCSEs with a college. You need to concentrate on your mental health first though.

    Childline - 0800 1111 (also has web-chat service, open 24/7)
    Samaritans - 116 123
    Papyrus/HopelineUK - 0800 068 41 41

    Frank - 0300 123 6600 (also has web-chat service)
 
 
 
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